Just arrived on holiday with sisters kids

[EllyRoff]

They’re driving me insane already. I’ve never known kids so messy. Within 5 minutes of being here a full glass of juice was spilt over the sofa. They wander around with their dinner plates gravy spilling everywhere, potatoes falling onto the floor and getting trod on, squished into the carpet - the place looked like a disaster zone by the first evening.
yesterday morning they had cocopops for breakfast, one whole bowl got knocked off the table onto the floor, chocolate milk everywhere. Sister completely unbothered by it, just scrubbed it with her foot. One of them then got a yogurt out, ripped the lid off - yogurt splattered up their clothes. Lid chucked on floor (naturally landing face down on carpet). She then spun around resulting in yogurt going flying everywhere, all over the sofa and up the glass of the patio doors.

We went to a nature park, everything was pristine, Nephew got a milkshake, it ended up all over the table, all over his hands and face and then when he went to put the carton in the bin he somehow managed to get milkshake all down the front of the bin.

its driving me insane and I have another week of this. I’ve banned them from my bedroom after they trod mud all over my white duvet.

sister thinks I’m being uptight so there is already tension but I’m starting to feel myself feeling really frustrated with the kids. There is no respect for anything.

If it’s a wind-up, it’s working. The “Her house must be an absolute shithole” crowd are out in force. There’s nothing a certain set of MNers love more than to sneer at women whose homes aren’t “pristine”.

I wouldn't call it lazy parenting on your sisters side, I reckon she's just exhausted and needs a break. The travel there with 2 kids was probably exhausting as hell, she just needs to pop her feet up for a bit and though in the poll I did chose you're not unreasonable I do think it's something you could have been aware of? Are you a mum, or how come you're in a mums group? My sister and I visited a friend with our children (so 4 children under 5 in total) and I could really sense it was too much for this friend (who had insisted we stay with her rather than going to a hotel) We tried our best to be ON It with our kids bit it never seemed enough and our friend just felt uncomfortable like her space was being invaded. It wasn't at all unreasonable for her to feel this way, but perhaps she shouldn't have offered and insisted we stay with her? Getting young kids to sit and eat is a fight and SOMETIMES we pick our battles. Like after a long day travelling we might need another day to recoup. My sister has a boy and a girl that are the complete opposite to my kids. They both are quite physically calm, but they are loud, they started speaking real early and walking late. My boys are both speech delayed, quite quiet apart from the occasional trex roar and both started walking at barely 9 months and were running a month later. So when they all get together it's a lot of crazy fun and A LOT of cleaning that we barely manage to stay atop of. It's a mess but they are all a similar age so my sister and I (&our husbands) we understand, support and help each other without judgement. If her kids make a mess and I'm around I'll clean it, if mine make a mess she'll clean it, but mostly we do a big clean together in the evening. I'd hope this would be our relationship even if we weren't in the same boat kids-wise. If this is not something you can offer your sister then really Id recommend not going on holiday with her and her kids cause if she's just getting judgement and no help she'll have too much on her hands to spend time with you anyway. A lot of the time my sister and I spend these days is running after our kids together, popping on music and cleaning up together, cooking together, more cleaning and tidying - it's different, it's not leaning back and enjoying the quiet serenity of nature or going out to party, but we're together and you only have one sister ❤️

@Katha87 she doesn't have to be a parent to post here.

I'd go home - but in your position I don't think I'd have gone in the first place.

There’s nothing mumsnet loves more than a ‘lazy parenting’ thread 😅 ‘where are their firm boundaries? We always instilled table manners from a young age’

Hi OP.
Part of me reckons you may be exaggerating the situation and I'm pretty sure that you don't have children of your own

I wonder who will be left with the cleaning, the sister will cop out because she has children to 'look after'. Personally I would be half way home by now, leave her to it.

Hi Sis!

Even those of us who have/have had children recognise the failure here.

Id tell the sister to clean up after the kids and get them to help or youll never go on hoilday with her again.
Theres zero excuse for that.

Your sister is Stig Of The Dump and i claim my £5

Your sister won’t be winning any parent of the year awards any time soon. She sounds really lazy. This would drive me mad OP.

Hi but there is the possibility that those without the 24/7 responsibility of parenting are divorced from the reality. I have real experience of this

Same. Shit parenting.

Cripes - like what is her actual house like?? I wouldn’t have lasted more than 24 hours - they sound feral!!

I’d just start telling them to sit at the table, if your sister says anything then i’d say that you don’t want to be landed with a cleaning bill.

My house is very far from pristine and the homes of my friends with kids definitely aren't pristine either - but none of them would just 'scrub it with their foot' if their kids had dropped a bowl of Coco Pops on the floor or let their kids wander about with plates of food dropping bits on the floor and treading it into the carpet, or climb on beds with muddy shoes on.

I think it's fairly safe to assume that if this is someone's approach to dealing with mess, their house probably is a bit of a shithole'. Obviously kids spill things and drop things all the time by accident, but most people, even ones who are pretty chilled about mess and so on, do at least clean up when it happens or make some attempt to prevent it.

It does sound like an unusual level of messiness and accidents. I didn’t insist on my children ALWAYS eating at the table when they were younger, but they had to use a tray or some sort of covering to mitigate against spills etc, which do of course happen from time to time. You need to have a word with your sister about what state the place will be left in and tell her you won’t be paying for any damage. We all like to be a bit more relaxed on holiday but unfortunately you don’t get to stop being a parent. Even the dogs in the street know that going on holiday with your children is really only a holiday for them!

I have two DCs and never experienced anything like this, and I was always a bit worried that mine weren’t as well behaved as other friends’ DCs!

The messiest it really got was up to about eight years, when the table used to have a lot of food detritus to clear up after they’d finished eating.

How old are they op? While I’m not going to say kids being kids as they seem extreme, some of it sounds unavoidable (depending on age- one of my sons couldn’t open yoghurt or juice without an accident l), the issue is that it gets cleaned up so you don’t have to pay for it. I think you just sound like you aren’t on the same page, I don’t think I’d be this irritated, but then I have a really messy son and our house is more chaotic than most!

I presume that you don't have kids, and have some quaint memory of how well behaved you were as a child - so this must be very traumatic.

This seems a bit extreme. I'm finding it hard to believe, tbh.

Do you not normally go to your sisters if spend any time with your nieces & nephews?

How old are the children OP? And is this normal in their home or are they taking advantage of Mum being knackered?

I think it's fairly safe to assume that if this is someone's approach to dealing with mess, their house probably is a bit of a shithole

Why the desperation to announce it though? Just so we know they would never be like that?

Your sister sounds like a useless and lazy parent. I couldn’t stand this kind of laziness. I’d have to go home and leave them to it.