Splitting from farmer partner…

[Ihavefaith]

Hello, I have had to split from my controlling and emotionally unstable farming partner. He is very narcissistic and is not nice to our dogs. He has never let me help on the farm but whines that he does everything. He’s passive aggressive and is the dictionary definition of gas lighting. He was a good Dad so I put up with it for the sake of my daughter but now it’s starting to affect her too so I have told him I we have to split.
AIBU to expect him to let me have our house split off from the farm along with the field that my horses are in? He has other options for housing and I thought if I offered to not ask for maintenance but I have this part of the farm which he hates anyway? I do have a small financial interest and my solicitor said I can force this. The alternative is that I force him to sell a bit of the farm so I can buy somewhere else as all my money is in his farm. It will all go to our daughter in the end but I just don’t know. My preference would be to live elsewhere but I don’t want to force him to sell a bit of the farm. I feel like I’m stealing it but for our daughter to live how she is now that’s what would have to happen. Any advice or putting me in my place is appreciated as I just don’t know what to do.
Thank you for reading.

I feel your pain OP, but you cannot, they are wrong.

You can only force a sale if you are named on the deeds of the land as a co-owner or have a legal charge (such as a mortgage lender).

You would have to first, through the courts have a beneficial interest recognised, which it might well not be, and then through a separate action use that interest to force a sale - which would quite likely be denied.

I'm betting you have been to a high street solicitor used to sorting out the affairs of those of us who live in 3 bed semis as joint owners - not a farm, its a different ball game.

Why the hell are you waiting until you have moved out to report someone for animal cruelty?

Ugh farmers don't like marriage do they? Paranoid bunch who care more about the land than their partner and kids.

I voted YABU simply on the practical improbability of “a small financial interest” amounting to full possession of a house and additional land.

That’s highly unlikely, unfortunately.

How much money can you prove you invested? What’s the house worth? And the land for the horses? Are the horses solely owned by you, or are they property of the farm?

Also you state the farm will go to your daughter - this is possible, but not certain - my grandparents left their farm to their nephew - not because they didn't like their kids, but because he became actively involved in the farm and made it his life, my dad and his brother chose university and professional careers.

He can will it to whoever he wishes in the end.

Is the farm entailed? I know someone who had a kid with a farmer (not married) and he can't just sell the farm, it's entailed within the family and will go to his sister and her children if he dies before his daughter is 18 or his daughter doesn't want the farm. Absolutely no way he'd be able to sell the farm to pay his partner.

Farms are complicated, you need expert advice, not Mumsnet.

I know some farmers and as pp have mentioned it s pretty common for farms to have an ownership structure and be protected so they cannot be split in the event of a divorce.

In any event The fact you aren't married means it's unlikely the farm will be sold. If uiu can. Prove your contribution you need a good solicitor to get it back. Plus maintenance for your daughter. But any solicitor telling you they can Force a farm sale is clearly unsure what they are talking about.

Doing something like that right before you might enter a protracted legal battle isn’t very smart. You lose leverage and it may also be used to paint a picture of vindictiveness especially if he is found not guilty of anything or no case can be found. It’s a difficult one for sure though ooh ah ooh ah

I have no helpful advice op but I hope you, your DD & animals get out of this. He sounds awful.

If you’re entitled to something, don’t give up.

Report him now. Don’t stand by while an animal is abused.

Get expert advice before you try to split the house away from the farm. Not sure about the rules where you are, or if Labour gov changes will go through and be permanent, but if the house is considered a farmhouse and integral to the farm it's much more beneficial to your daughter IHT wise. Like, massively.

So with you, WTAF 🙄

What? Why not??

You’d be more likely to get an agreement to live in the house and use the paddock rent free than to get it cut out of the curtilage of the farm. Trying to achieve the latter could be a long and expensive court battle with no certainty over the outcome.

I don't think you will be entitled to anything other than any money you can prove you put in to his business.

So in the mean time fuck the dogs that the man is abusing so the OP does not loose out financially? The OP has clearly stated that she will be reporting him for animal cruelty so there is something very nasty and wicked going on here.

You can call in a debt. In the absence of agreement, a court would decide the terms of repayment, taking into account a reasonable repayment schedule that hex pile manage, what loan he might be able to get to pay back a lump sum etc. They might even put a charge on the property requiring the proceed of sale to repay the debt if he ever sells. That’s all done to the judge. You can’t force him to sell land.

Agreed!! Why wait!

It’s an inheritance issue so different but my mate is the DS of a farmer and to sort out his Fathers estate, the legal fees were 60k. You need a specialist lawyer

What an extraordinary thing to say. How do you justify that?

Since OP has discussed this with a solicitor and received legal advice, this is an irresponsible line of questioning.

Strangers on the Internet, no matter what they claim about personal experience, cannot be trusted for this sort of advice and derailing the thread like this is unreasonable and unfair on OP.

She has asked about how fair things are, not how legal and how much . She knows she has a legal right to force a sale of some sort and receive her money back.

If you have put money in, then really would be best to seek repayment. Not sure of your circumstances but usually farm houses have a planning condition that they are tied to the working farm. Not sure what advice you really expect on here without anyone knowing the full details around you living circumstances and financials.

Sometimes it’s best not to say the thing out loud and show yourself up.

On what basis did you put the money in
Was it a gift or a loan or rent or what

She really doesn't. She's been given shit advice by a so called solicitor and doesn't have a leg to stand on