Would you do this?

[auntannie]

Attend a hen do if it meant a £90 train journey and 3.5 hour travel time each way? Wouldn’t be staying overnight because the bride is pregnant and it’s just going to be a quiet meal/get together.
Friend is close but don’t see each other often due to distance. I love her dearly but the thought of attending is giving me anxiety because life is already totally manic with kids, work and other obligations. But she made the effort for my hen do (albeit quite a few years ago) and I just feel like a shit person.

Nope

No

Yes I would if I could afford it but the fact you've posted on Mumsnet that is notoriously anti hen do means you desperately want to be told you won't be unreasonable to not attend. Ultimately it depends if you value the friendship. Sometimes you have to suck it up as friendship is a two way street. That's my view but there will shortly be lots of posts saying not to go I'm sure.

I would if she was a close friend.

You don't sound as if you want to go and it won't be a big celebration by the sounds of things, so I don't think the bride will mind too much either. She's probably got more important things to worry about tbh if she's pregnant and planning a wedding.

No.

A 7 hour round trip for lunch is quite a big ask. (I did 4 hours each way on Christmas day to cook lunch for elderly relatives but the driving was exhausting even on quiet roads!) Could you turn it into a mini break for the family without it costing the earth? Otherwise you might have to decline....

Is money an object for you? If not I’d go then treat myself to a night in a local hotel, just because the hen do has finished doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a glass of wine, long soak in a nice bath and a peaceful nights sleep!

I probably wouldn't.

Yes but i would turn it into an overnight break and have a lovely rest

Money is very much an object but I suppose I could try and make a mini break out of it. The issue is I have dc who have weekend commitments (which Dh would take care of if I went) so they’d have to miss them.
I do value the friendship which is why I feel bad about it. I have a very busy few months with a few family occasions, work commitments and other stuff. I just feel a bit overwhelmed.

I’d make the effort as she did it for me. Then I’d stay over in a hotel and relax.

This - I’d probably book myself a hotel and use it as an excuse to get away from my kids for the night!

No. I cry spending £50 to get on the train at East Anglia only hour to London, to go there and that’s without underground.

Would they come and see you on your sick bed?

just read an article about a 44 year old on a hen party who did a party trick they were to old for (their words) ending up fracturing their neck 20 hour window to sort, ceremony in hospital.

God, it makes you think.

For a uk based one night hen do, i would go. Can you look at a coach for cheaper travel? It is difficult when you live a few hours from friends.

The kids can miss out for one weekend I’m sure. You sound like life is a stress so take the opportunity to watch a box set alone with a bottle of wine 🍷

I would do an overnight but not all in one day no. Could you turn it onto a mini break go to a spa or something?

No. What’s the point when it could be so much closer to home?

£90 could cover the meal and drinks if staying local.

Edit. Guessing you live 3.5 hrs away from her.

Can’t you make it into an overnight break for yourself? Would make it more worthwhile.

I think of you're generally stressed this is a great chance to press the "fuck it" button and do something for you and rest and recharge.

If its a close friend you don't see often make a weekend out of it and spend some time with her

Absolutely not

Yes I would in this case

No. I'd send the hen a lovely message, though, to head off any bad feelings.

I would look to stay over the night and catch up with the bride over the weekend also