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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you do this?

54 replies

auntannie · 08/06/2025 17:43

Attend a hen do if it meant a £90 train journey and 3.5 hour travel time each way? Wouldn’t be staying overnight because the bride is pregnant and it’s just going to be a quiet meal/get together.
Friend is close but don’t see each other often due to distance. I love her dearly but the thought of attending is giving me anxiety because life is already totally manic with kids, work and other obligations. But she made the effort for my hen do (albeit quite a few years ago) and I just feel like a shit person.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 08/06/2025 18:14

I would give ahe is such a good friend and made the effort for you

I wouldn't do the travel in one day if I could afford a cheap room for the night... I'd stay over and have a relaxing night after the meal.

Enrichetta · 08/06/2025 18:15

HatsOffToThePigeons · 08/06/2025 17:46

I would if she was a close friend.

Definitely. Make a day of it instead of seeing it as a chore. Assuming she really is a good friend and your husband is willing to step up. And have a great day!

spoonbillstretford · 08/06/2025 18:17

I would but would also book a hotel and stay over. Would love a low key hen do and a chance to do something by myself tge next day.

NuffSaidSam · 08/06/2025 18:18

If she's a close friend and she made an effort for you then I would return the favour and make the effort for her.

FoodAppropriation · 08/06/2025 18:18

Providing it's not a hell hole of a place, yes, I would go and stay at least one night, possibly 2.

The issue is I have dc who have weekend commitments (which Dh would take care of if I went) so they’d have to miss them.
why would they miss if DH would take them?

Astrak · 08/06/2025 18:19

No. It sounds as if it's going to be far too stressful for you on several fronts. Money, organising your children, organising your stay, and all the random stuff that can go wrong with such a scenario.

CiaoMeow · 08/06/2025 18:19

Not a chance.

Ponderingwindow · 08/06/2025 18:19

My life is very busy, but my dd is at an age that DH could definitely handle things for one weekend. We are long past the breastfeeding or night waking phase of life.

the money wouldn’t stress our budget so I would book a hotel and make it a more relaxed trip. Even if all you do with your free time is get a takeaway and watch tv by yourself, it can be absolutely amazing. I’m getting such a night in a few weeks when I drop dd off at an activity and I’m definitely looking forward to it.

GiddyCrab · 08/06/2025 18:28

No.

Joystir59 · 08/06/2025 18:36

No

SalfordQuays · 08/06/2025 18:36

How would you get home? Trains don’t run very late do they?

InMyOpenOnion · 08/06/2025 18:39

I would go, but make an overnight of it. The kids' Saturday commitments are a bit of a red herring - you can't be totally tethered to those every single weekend. Unless they're elite level team sports players, they can either miss one, or maybe a friend could take them?

Original poster
auntannie · 08/06/2025 18:48

FoodAppropriation · 08/06/2025 18:18

Providing it's not a hell hole of a place, yes, I would go and stay at least one night, possibly 2.

The issue is I have dc who have weekend commitments (which Dh would take care of if I went) so they’d have to miss them.
why would they miss if DH would take them?

This was in responses to posters saying I should make it a family mini break. The thought of having an overnight stay to myself is nice but it would then take up the whole weekend and ultimately cause more catch up stress when I get home. I’m not exaggerating when I say life is really manic.

But this is definitely something to consider. I think the cost element is a bit worrying and I do feel bad doing things like this for myself which I shouldn’t. But I do.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 08/06/2025 18:50

If your life is as stressful as you say, take this excuse to have some time off from the family and gone commitments and book a hotel for the night.

Your husband will survive the weekend.

Glitchymn1 · 08/06/2025 18:51

Yes, for a close friend but I’d stay the night ideally.

Masmavi · 08/06/2025 18:53

Yes I would. A 3.5hr train journey is nothing in the UK. You’re putting convenience to you before your friend’s important event. She’ll have one hen do (hopefully)

MaryGreenhill · 08/06/2025 18:54

I would

Masmavi · 08/06/2025 18:54

Yes I would. A 3.5hr train journey is nothing in the UK. You’re putting convenience to you before your friend’s important event. She’ll have one hen do (hopefully)

Redpeach · 08/06/2025 18:57

3.5 hours on your own on the train is bliss, read a book, listen to a podcast, or music, have a tea or a wine

TeenLifeMum · 08/06/2025 18:58

i would do this without any concern. It’s a one off to attend a special event. The next 2 Saturdays I’m doing 6.5 hour round trips for uni visits with dd. If it’s a friend you care about I wouldn’t give it a second thought and just book the train.

OrangePineapple25 · 08/06/2025 18:58

It would depend on whether I could get childcare.

OrangePineapple25 · 08/06/2025 18:59

Redpeach · 08/06/2025 18:57

3.5 hours on your own on the train is bliss, read a book, listen to a podcast, or music, have a tea or a wine

I was so excited to have a plane journey alone once I had kids just so I could read a book in peace. 🤣

Bex5490 · 08/06/2025 21:04

auntannie · 08/06/2025 18:48

This was in responses to posters saying I should make it a family mini break. The thought of having an overnight stay to myself is nice but it would then take up the whole weekend and ultimately cause more catch up stress when I get home. I’m not exaggerating when I say life is really manic.

But this is definitely something to consider. I think the cost element is a bit worrying and I do feel bad doing things like this for myself which I shouldn’t. But I do.

Show quote history

What do you mean by catch up stress?

I think tbh @auntannie the fact that you have a DH and the idea of spending just one night away is the cause of such anxiety is a bigger issue than this hen do.

With love - I can just feel from the tone of your messages that you are running yourself into the ground.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 08/06/2025 21:10

I’d rather a friend didn’t come if they really didn’t feel comfortable for whatever reason, than forced themselves to come. I wouldn’t think less of them either.

FunnySam · 08/06/2025 21:13

Hen do's are becoming sooo expensive, more holidays abroad & big events up London. Yes this sounds like a genuine lowkey hen do celebration, friends move away over time, it's only her hen do once, I'd make the effort and go.