Mums partner 6 yrs want's her to lend him all her life saving for a loan to buy larger house she won't be on deed for.

[Moniworries]

I'm worried even though on paper it's a short term loan to enable him to buy a house now until the current one is sold.

She's worried but she also trusts him.
They have been together for 6 years and to be fair he's a nice guy, he's got two adult DC and mum has two as well. They share one DC my brother

She lives in his house now but it's quite small he wants to buy a slightly larger house for family to visit and he will be a grandfather soon

They live quite rurally so harder for family to visit.

I'm concerned because he won't marry her he said it's too complicated with his adult children and also work shares and a family trust,he won't put her on the deeds.
He's never shared a Will even but has said brother will be looked after .

Mums put up with this because she's still got her divorce money ring fenced in case of problems which is about 250. That's her fail safe and she's been comfortable with her situation living in a nicer house than she could afford with that money for her should something happen

Technically he would be borrowing this money only on a short loan but she's worried as am I,what if something random happens to him in that time?

How could she get it back and what if it gets lost in complicated trusts?

Even this isn’t enough really. The solicitor would also need to create a lien on the property for sale. This will include checking that no-one else has a say over where the proceeds go- eg no other loans taken out against the property, no re-mortgage, no other parties on the deeds etc.

It’ll cost a fair amount to pay for this work to be done!

Why doesn’t he just get a bridging loan from his bank/mortgage company?

What else can I say but.....no no no no no no. I've seen this before.

She's worried but she also trusts him......
A family friend lost 30k to a new wife he 'trusted'. She gave his life savings to her adult children. For some unknown reason he made his savings account their current account. That essentially made it her money.

They have been together for 6 years and to be fair he's a nice guy.....
A seemingly 'nice' man I knew groomed a woman with a huge inheritance. He had colossal (six figure) debts from a failed business and was on the verge of bankruptcy. They had a 'whirlwind romance' (wonder why). He waited till they were engaged and the wedding booked before telling her. Reader, (unbelievably) she still married him......

Moral of the story. Never, ever, ever disclose how much money you have.

Surely she could use the money to buy her own house she doesn’t need to buy him one!

Absolutely no. He doesnt want to commit to your mum. She's good enough to lend money off. No way.

Why doesn’t he just get a bridging loan from his bank/mortgage company?
A= because then he'd have to actually repay the money!

I think this was a conversation that needed to happen anyway. Your mum's nest egg appears to have given her some element of security but what you hint at is unclear discussions about finances despite being involved in long term joint life plans. Having vague agreements like - marriage would complicate things and our son will be looked after, does not lay out the terms of what is going to happen should there be a change in circumstances. Perhaps this is a good opportunity for them to both sit with a legal adviser and be clear not just about the bridging loan but also what is intended to happen in a range of future circumstances. This is such an important conversation as although everyone gets along now you want to know what it will look like in death and ill-health. The youngest member of the family will likely be the most effected if there is a rift.

She would be an utter fool

She doesn’t need to be on the deeds to lend the money and be secure. She can hold a charge over the property to the value of the loan. Once he repays her the charge becomes discharged. Will require solicitor and there’ll be expenses incurred but it would be in both of their best interests to do so. I’d assume he’d need to provide proof of where the money was coming from in any case..,

This gives me the shivers.
I know of two friends groomed for their money. One over ten years before he divorced her taking millions. We all smelt it and she fell out with us. Wife number three. Youngest child educated on her dollar. She couldn't have children.
Your mum has a nest egg, any solvent man can have a bridging loan.
'No gold, it doesn't grow old' (as in forever).
I don't like men who look to women for loans. It smacks of ponces. Old fashioned yes and I earn more than my DH but he wouldn't expect anything from me.
He can get a loan.

@Moniworries you keep going on about the step children. if they are his then surely he will be taking them with him? you are not obligated to look after them or house them!

Has he asked DM for a formal loan of her savings, (legal paperwork, etc), or does he want to lend it informally?

What's the complication with his DC regarding him marrying?

Tell her to say no and if he asks why she can say “it’s too complicated”.

I’m sure I’ve watched a Netflix documentary about a guy who does exactly this, REPEATEDLY for different women and leaves them. He stayed with them years until he convinced them to “loan” life savings for a new bigger house for them all, and then he disappeared each time. Absolutely not! His intentions might be legit but no no no.

Regardless of how great the relationship might be and how deeply she trusts him, this has to be treated separately as a non romanticised, head firmly screwed on transactions.
All sorts if things can happen and she can end up destitute and with no home. Things do happen all the time even if intentions are clean and good. Having to go through courts could mean years and all the money lost on solicitors fees.
It is a very very bad idea and if your mom partner truly cares about her and is a person with solid character and morals he would not ask her to do this without being solidly protected.
Even if he signed a contract agreeing to pay it back within a time frame still a bad idea because enforcing that would cost a fortune in time and money.
Whichever way you look at this it ia a very bad idea. I am talking from a perspective of someone who was badly cheated financially by partners that did not give any reason not to trust them and knowing many people who also lost money and with that their peace of mind, ability to retire etc.
Even the living arrangements sound odd if I understand correctly. What happens if the partner dies or wants to end the relationship if the house is his? Your mom will be on the street.
There was a thread a few weeks ago about a poor woman who just celebrated 20 years with her partner, grown up children etc. He didn't want to get married. Over Christmas he became besotted with someone else and gave the woman 2 weeks to leave as it was his house. For 20 years she didn't protect herself and didn t see it coming.

I hope for her sake she doesn't go through with it.

Well exactly, how about he puts your mom's name on the deeds of the current house owning a value equivalent to the loan size and only then trabsfer the money ao she has a guarantee that once the house is sold she gets her money back. it would have to be very tightly checked by a good solicitor, and even so problems could happen.

and one more point to consider, this transaction bears all the risk on your mom, the partner doesn't risk anything and doesn't extend any of his securities to her. Totally one sided.

Definitely not

Eleven pages saying ‘no’ OP, I think that firmly answers your question!

And 980 votes …

Not likely!! That's a deffo no!!! Not placing her on the deeds!! Doesnt discuss his will with her!!! In other words everything is being left to his children when he passes away!! Tell her to keep her money where it is!!!

How much is the house they are living in worth?

She could "buy" it from him?

No. There are too many things that could go wrong and she could end up losing the lot with not much ability to get any of the money back realistically. I would also be thjnking if I am not good enough to marry then I am not good enough to hand my assets over. If it all goes tits uprelationship wise she would be left with no money and big legal fees to try to get her money back which can take years. Better to not even open that can of worms. An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure!

Absolutely not. No. Never.

She can formally loan the money to him and secure the loan against the new house, like a mortgage. That would mean that on sale of the house she would have to be repaid.

OP, I haven't voted because it's unclear which way round your AIBU goes, but just wanted to say I could not agree more with all the previous posters saying no, don't do it, terrible idea.

This has red flags and alarm bells all over it.

And to all the other posters blithely suggesting "legally binding" contracts, come on! A contract is only ever as "binding" as your ability to enforce it. Pursuing the lost money through the courts would probably cost the OPs mum another quarter of a million.

OP, you seem to be painting a picture of a wealthy man with your talk of shares and trusts etc. Any person with assets (including an unsold house... does he really own it?) will be able to access a bridging loan at an advantageous rate. In fact, if they were real, his bank would be falling over themselves offering him one.

Utterly, utterly dodgy.

I hope you give her wise counsel and she's sensible enought to take it.