To ask if you have met somebody long term from OD?

[JustNoseyy]

Just that really, how did you know it would work, how did the conversation start? How soon did you meet them? I have been on a few dates but nobody I am massively in to. Maybe I am just not ready yet (been single a year after a 17 year relationship). All the conversations just seem to fizzle out.

Yes. Two OD relationships here. One last around two years. The second we've just celebrated our third wedding anniversary after 7 years together. It can and does work out (but we both had a lot of awful dates with various people before it did) 😂

Met my OH 2 1/2 years ago on Bumble. We are both in our 40s and were getting divorced when we met (living alone) . I’d been on OLD for 6 months. Had a few dates that didn’t go anyway. Lots of dates lined up where they cancelled just beforehand. Many time wasters who just wanted to sext 😬 I learned to read the signs (made it sexual quickly, only wanted to use Snapchat, never committed to a date).
We did Bumble Banter (like online speed dating - 3 minute text only chat, no profiles. At the end of the session you see one picture and decide if you want to match. If you both swipe and match, you see their full profile). The first photo of him I saw I thought ‘Oohh he’s fit!’ 😆
I just found it really easy to chat to him right from the start. We have similar taste in music, TV, films. I never had to ‘chase’ him to respond. First date 10 days later. Chemistry was amazing (surprising!). Been a couple ever since.
I would say it was a case of shifting through a lot of junk to find the treasure! We won’t be rushing to move in together/get married because our DC are still on the younger side (youngest is 6) and both other parents are getting married already, but we have a lovely relationship, see each other every other weekend without the DC and meet every couple of months with the DC.
There are good ones out there but you have to weed out the crap first 😂

Maybe try different platforms. A friend of mine met her lovely boyfriend on bumble, that’s since Covid, so it can still happen.

After 17 years, a year single, I don't think you'll have found your "self" yet, never mind be ready to date again. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take a bit of time to find the real you, after all you've been part of a couple for so long, lived a certain way, gave a lot, put up with a lot - the single you is probably a very different person.

After a 10yr relationship, I was single approx 5yrs, in that time I had 100s of dates with unsuitable men because I was "desperate " to find love again, and a lot of men on OD are sleaze. Some friends told ne my "standards are too high" pah.. bollocks, know your worth and don't accept no shit.

There are some diamonds out there but for every 1 you need to wade through 25k lazy sleazebags; who think the earth revolves around them, selfish, lazy, who want a new housemaid after the "crazy" ex finally gave up on their shit, ones who assume you walk round in lingerie all day waiting for them to come along and. say "fancy a shag" as suitable foreplay, think you are willing to out up with their shit just because they have a penis...

When you find a diamond, one who's not a sleaze, when you find a person who actually wants to date, whos willing to put in a little effort... the first one you find is like a breath of fresh air, and although he might not be the one, those diamonds do exist, you just have to wade through 25k sleazebags to uncover them... some women decide the wading its not worth the effort and because they have found their new single persona, they stay single because the new them is happy and content enough without the drama of a lazy, sleaze....

#menslonelinessepidemic

I don’t feel desperate as such, I love my own company and happy on my own and starting to worry if there is something wrong with me.

Ex met somebody else within 2 weeks and honestly could not think of anything worse after such a long relationship

Yes both my long term relationships have been from OLD. My ex we were together 5 and a half years and we met on plenty of fish - was chatting for three weeks before we met and we pretty much were together from the first date.

My current fiancé we did meet on OLD about 12 years ago - we went on a few dates but it just fizzled out. But we got back in contact 7 years ago as we stayed Facebook friends and now we’re getting married.

OLD can definitely work if you meet the right people but there is lots of messing about!

It’s also hard as I constantly work from home, met my ex at work at my last job.

Yes but it turned out we also had a lot of friends in common so it was more 'real' than normal OLD

Just say “yes, I’ve been running through fields of wheat with wild abandon”, then block and move on. Hopefully you’ll find someone capable of normal conversation soon xx

I met my DH online dating 19 years ago. I wasn't looking for a life partner. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to meet him as at the time he was living about an hour away from me. However he was willing to come to meet me so I thought why not. We clicked immediately. 3 months later he became unexpectedly unemployed and homeless through no fault of his own and moved in with me. 8 years later we got engaged. 9 years ago we got married.

He is the love of my life.

yes. Celebrating our 18th anniversary today

Met mine 6 years ago on Bumble.
He was the first and only date I went on and we just worked. Engaged to get married next year.
I personally found that POF and tinder seemed to be a place where men assumed it would just be for a quick hook up. Bumble seemed to be more professional I suppose. IMO, the men on bumble were more likely to promote themselves as good ‘partners’, whereas on the others I tried, they were keen to promote how muscular and attractive they were.

Met and married someone from online dating site in 2007. Ok it ended up not working out but it was a good marriage for a while. Then went back to online dating in 2018 and met/married current DH, who was, and continues to be lovely.

And yes, as someone upthread said, it's a numbers game. Met some interesting men who were not right for me and some weirdos too, but generally had a nice time on dates and some interesting chats with lots of people.

Me and DH (married for 10 years, together for 14) met on Plenty of Fish. My friend has been with her boyfriend for a year (divorced 3 years ago after a 19 year marriage) and they met on Tinder!

Never got past a second date and actually only ended up meeting a handful of people before giving up.

I had same as you OP, men who couldn’t string a sentence together or who wanted to send sleazy and cringey messages almost from the start.

I vetted heavily, barely swiped right on anyone and still got the wronguns

Met mine at the end of 2020, so borderline I guess. His main profile picture was OK but I genuinely fancied the second one. Spoke on the phone once, then 3 video calls in a week. As soon as I laid eyes on him I knew it would go somewhere.

But there is nothing wrong with you if you like your life the way it is. You don't have to change a thing. I really did want a partner, but there was an element of giving in about it - I'd accepted that I seemed unable to just be single, and without a partner I got up to some highly disreputable stuff. Which was fun in its way, but had lost its sparkle after 2 years.

Yes met DH 7 years ago. I’d been on a few dates and messaged several others before I met him. It was just different with DH the messaging before meeting up never fizzled out, there was always something to say and after the first date I wasn’t sure about him but knew I wanted to see him again. It went on from there. The other dates I went on were more hard work or there was no spark there. I messaged several people who admitted they only wanted one thing or weren’t prepared to chat online before meeting which I thought was necessary to even see if there was a point to meeting up.

My husband and I met 15 years ago from online dating. When we met, we just clicked and that was that. Even when life has been tough, being with him has been easy. Been married for 10 years and have 3 children.

What does OD and OLD mean in this context? On demand?

I know POF and a few others, but unsure of OD. I don't want to keep googling it in case my DH gets the wrong idea 😆

Not me, I met my husband at the gym but both my brothers met their wives online.

That’s where you went wrong because it’s a numbers game. Unless you’re very lucky it’s going to take time and contact with a lot of people.

I met my husband on an online dating site 18 years ago. We’ve been through a lot together but I would do it all again to spend time with him and just wish we’d net even sooner.

Oh yeah it also took a year and several dud dates before him.

Met my DH online 10 years ago! Before him I had been dating online for about a year or so on and off.

In my experience there are some wankers out there but I got quite good at weeding them out. I came up with my own rules eg- profile picture holding a fish (there were lots!) or with their kids was a definite no. Slagging off their ex was another big red flag. Anyone who just messaged with a ‘hi’ or something equally generic was also a no as they clearly hadn’t read my profile and were just messsging everyone. I always chatted online for a bit before meeting but not too long- maybe a week or 2 at most. In the end everyone I met was perfectly nice actually, just didn’t really have a spark until I met DH!

I have a good friend who has had a bit more success on meet-up.com recently rather than dating apps, so that might be worth a try?