Page 4 | To tell DD I love her in front of DSDs?

Cooktop64 · 2025-06-07T19:15:07+00:00

Hi. I’m probably gonna get flamed for this, but that’s okay. DSDs are 17 and 18; I’ve known them since they were 10 and 11. DD is 4. We don’t spend a tonne of time all together, but we’ll do holidays, the occasional dinner out or movie, etc. I haven’t had a close enough relationship with DSDs in order to feel it’s appropriate to tell them I love them (even if I feel that way), but I tell DD I love her multiple times a day. Is it totally wrong to tell DD I love her in the presence of DSDs, in this situation? I’ve done it a few times without thinking and it’s been awkward.

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 20:58

Cooktop64 · 09/06/2025 19:57

I didn’t ever say I was unsure of how I felt. I’m unsure if they’d be receptive of me expressing my feelings towards them.

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so which is it? Love or warm feelings?

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 21:15

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 20:58

so which is it? Love or warm feelings?

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It was warm feelings and now it’s love. I’m not sure why you’re not getting this. OP has been quite clear. Feelings develop. We don’t know how long OP has known she has loved them for that 7 years but naturally it took time.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 21:19

Cooktop64 · 09/06/2025 16:26

Classic MN

It’s been accidental, the few times I’ve said it to DD in front of them. DD will do something absurd and funny, or she’ll climb into my lap and I’ll give her a big squeeze and a kiss on her head, and out pops “I love you, [DD’s name]!”

It’s easy enough to say “Your father and I are so proud of you,” or “You’re so smart/funny” and other such sentiments to DSDs… I just wonder if it’s too soon to use the L word in a serious context. Will try it in a more casual way, as PP have suggested

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I wouldn’t say it’s too soon given you’ve had them in your life for 7 years. And I think it’s ok to say it. Hopefully a time that’s right and feels natural will come but just like with most kinds of love, if you feel it, say it.

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 21:27

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 21:15

It was warm feelings and now it’s love. I’m not sure why you’re not getting this. OP has been quite clear. Feelings develop. We don’t know how long OP has known she has loved them for that 7 years but naturally it took time.

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I’m getting it very clearly. The OP has been quite vague on if she actually loves them or just has feelings towards them. I suspect her step daughter’s are equally unsure. It can be very hard to be the step daughter when the ‘real’ daughter comes along. If she does really love them then 7 years is long enough to be able to say it at least once, and considering they are both pretty much young adults now they are old enough to hear OP say ‘I know we’ve had rocky times in the past but I do love you’ without it being awkward. The awkwardness will only be there if it’s not actually true and they know it.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 21:41

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 21:27

I’m getting it very clearly. The OP has been quite vague on if she actually loves them or just has feelings towards them. I suspect her step daughter’s are equally unsure. It can be very hard to be the step daughter when the ‘real’ daughter comes along. If she does really love them then 7 years is long enough to be able to say it at least once, and considering they are both pretty much young adults now they are old enough to hear OP say ‘I know we’ve had rocky times in the past but I do love you’ without it being awkward. The awkwardness will only be there if it’s not actually true and they know it.

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“I feel love for them now” seems quite clear said several hours ago.

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 21:55

And said AFTER I initially responded. She also said she had warm feelings towards them. Hence why I think she’s being vague and possibly disingenuous. You may disagree, I don’t really care if I’m honest.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 21:58

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 21:55

And said AFTER I initially responded. She also said she had warm feelings towards them. Hence why I think she’s being vague and possibly disingenuous. You may disagree, I don’t really care if I’m honest.

It was before you asked if she loved them or had warm feelings. OP said that they always had warm feelings but now they feel love for them and you the asked which one was it 5 hours later.

I’m not sure what you are not seeing.

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 22:05

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 21:58

It was before you asked if she loved them or had warm feelings. OP said that they always had warm feelings but now they feel love for them and you the asked which one was it 5 hours later.

I’m not sure what you are not seeing.

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My first post questioning her ‘love’ was yesterday which resulted in her stating she had ‘warm feelings’ and then later stating she loved them AFTER I initially responded.

This is getting tiresome.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 22:14

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 22:05

My first post questioning her ‘love’ was yesterday which resulted in her stating she had ‘warm feelings’ and then later stating she loved them AFTER I initially responded.

This is getting tiresome.

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Yes it is. The “I always felt warm feelings towards them” was about the early years meaning OP felt affection for them the whole time but not loving feelings until later on which they then said quite clearly by saying that they feel love NOW. To which you asked if it was warm feelings or love. Clearly NOW is love.

Very tiresome indeed. No point in trying to explain that one again because if you don’t get it NOW, you never will.

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/06/2025 22:16

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 22:14

Yes it is. The “I always felt warm feelings towards them” was about the early years meaning OP felt affection for them the whole time but not loving feelings until later on which they then said quite clearly by saying that they feel love NOW. To which you asked if it was warm feelings or love. Clearly NOW is love.

Very tiresome indeed. No point in trying to explain that one again because if you don’t get it NOW, you never will.

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Jesus Wept, I get it I just don’t agree with you.

Katemax82 · 09/06/2025 22:57

Endofyear · 07/06/2025 23:12

I think it's a bit OTT to be telling your 4 year old you love her multiple times a day 😳 maybe your DSDs think it's a bit odd too? I would say 'bye darling, love you, have a good day' when dropping them off at school and 'night night, love you' when kissing them goodnight but I didn't tell my kids I loved them multiple times every day!

I tell my kids I love them all the time!

Original poster

Cooktop64 · 10/06/2025 03:48

MiddleClassProblem · 09/06/2025 22:14

Yes it is. The “I always felt warm feelings towards them” was about the early years meaning OP felt affection for them the whole time but not loving feelings until later on which they then said quite clearly by saying that they feel love NOW. To which you asked if it was warm feelings or love. Clearly NOW is love.

Very tiresome indeed. No point in trying to explain that one again because if you don’t get it NOW, you never will.

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This. Thank you

OP posts:

Guavafish1 · 10/06/2025 04:25

No