I can’t stand my MIL

[e8ily]

some advice please. I have a 6 month old,he is the most precious thing to me in my life so I want to protect him from everything, my partners mother assaulted me a couple of months ago, she pulled my hair and shouted at me in front of my baby and said all sorts of nasty stuff to me and behind my back in the last year, I understand it was out of anger, but she is very up and down, I feel like I’ve seen her true colours and I just cannot stand her anymore which makes my relationship with my partner very difficult. He wants our baby to spend the night there sometimes or for her to spend time with him and look after him every now and then but the thought of that makes me feel sick. I don’t want my baby anywhere near her but my partner does, I don’t want to keep baby from his family just because we don’t get along. She wants to get along with me and go back to “normal” but I can’t look past the way she treated me, I’m usually a really forgiving person but I cannot stand her anymore. Me and my partner want to have a night to ourselves to go and watch a show, I’ve said to my partner I don’t feel comfortable with her looking after him by herself and he said “well she’s his gran he will be staying there sometimes” and she’s the only babysitter we’ve got, she’s a great gran to him but i can’t look past the fact I don’t feel comfortable, am I being unreasonable? I feel stuck In the middle do I let her babysit so we can spend some quality time together or do I go with my gut and not have that time and keep him with me.

There are some people who's children stay away from their parents at months or even weeks old. Some don't stay away until X years old. Everyone has their reasons and must do what is right for them.
If my MIL has physically assaulted me I would be very worried about what she could do to my child. Has she a history of violence?

Erm if my MIL had assaulted me, I would not be letting my child anywhere near her! You're definitely not being unreasonable, your partner is, expecting you to be ok with this weird set up! What was the reason she did that to you? She sounds like an absolute lunatic!

Always trust your instincts when it comes to your child.

I would want to drum into my partner that being violent isn’t normal or acceptable. I imagine he’s grown up with it. I hope he hasn’t adopted her behaviours.

You could also ask him if he would trust any other violent person to look after his baby.

I don't understand why your husband isn't objecting to his mother's treatment of you.

If she assaulted you, surely he'd be dead against letting her anywhere near you, or the baby.

I'm afraid I wouldn't be allowing someone who assaulted me to have access to my child or my life. Your DH will have to tell his mother that she's blown it and can say goodbye to kmowing her grandchild.

I completely understand why you feel that way, and I’d feel exactly the same. She’s not a great gran to him at all. A great gran would not attack their grandchild’s mother in front of their grandchild. And if your partner has seen his mother physically attack you and hasn’t immediately protected you and your DC from having anything to do with her, then you have way more problems than just your MiL. He is not a good father if he’s ok with the baby seeing that, he’s a bloody shit partner, and he has chosen his mum over you.

I do think you need to be very, very careful how you play this. Bear in mind that when you break up, (and judging by the fact that he seems to have completely forgotten that his mother physically attacked you, it is more likely to be a ‘when’ rather than an ‘if’) he’ll have shared custody and will more than likely be taking your DC to spend a significant amount of time with her. My first thought would be looking into the possibility of a restraining order against her, but that will definitely hasten the end of your relationship and may not stop him giving her access to the child. The only other thing I can suggest is holding off as long as possible, saying you’re not ready to be apart from him yet.

You don’t need quality time with your partner. You need relationship counselling to get to the bottom of why he has chosen his mother over the mother of his child.

What did your partner do about her assaulting you? Is she normally violent? Does she have a drink problem?

Go to Women's aid and get support to get away from a man who thinks its ok for his scummy mother pull you hair.
He comes from the dregs of society.
Wake up and get that poor child away.
A night away is really NOT your priority here.
Why haven't you involved the police?
You were assaulted.
Your baby should be your priority here not this man that comes from the utter dregs.

“I understand it was out of anger…”
stop right there. There is absolutely NO excuse for her to put her hands on you.
my God, this is appalling.

Ps. (Sorry, posted too quickly)- if my MIL couldn’t keep her hands to herself, there’s no way In hell I’d let her around my child. YANBU. She can fuck right off

So how old was the baby when she pulled your hair. I feel so sorry for you bc no one should put up that. Where was your husband when this happened. I’d probably go home to my parents if that happened to me. I hope everything gets better for you.

I’d rather never have a night out or a moment alone again than leave my child with someone who assaulted me in front of them, or at all actually

But why would she assault you. It’s totally out of the realm of reality. She just pulled your hair? I hope you weren’t injured. That’s nuts

She just randomly pulled your hair out of no where. You should have called the police and get a report so you have that on record

Another one echoing the question what was your partners reaction to the ongoing nasty things she's been saying to you and about you and what was his reaction to the assault?

You say she just wants to go back to "normal" has she actually apologised for what she's said and for attacking you?

I’m still trying to understand the attack. Why did she attack you, I really want to know. No one just attacks people unless they’re mentally ill but that’s not what you’re implying.So why did the mother attack you.

don’t want to keep baby from his family just because we don’t get along @e8ily

You don't just "not get along", she literally assaulted you! We're not meant to get along with people who assult and abuse us.

I don’t feel comfortable with her looking after him by herself and he said “well she’s his gran he will be staying there sometimes @e8ily

Just because she's his gran doesn't mean automatically the child will be staying there.

I'm worried your DH is minimising what your mil has done to you and invalidating you to the pont that you have lost sight of just how bad it is to be assaulted by your mil.

Regardless of what drove her to it, it's not your fault and you do not need to make excuses for this woman.

Keep protecting your son and yourself.

Especially bc you had a little baby. That’s just not reasonable

You should have called the police for assault

If course your instinct is not to allow her to look after your child - she's already shown you her capacity for violence! Who in their right mind would risk putting their child into her care? Your instincts are spot on.

You think the only reason people attack other people is because they are mentally ill?

Usually, do you have another theory as to why someone would an innocent person. Unless your unhinged

Do you randomly attack people?

How do you get rid of stalkers on mom’s net wilfordspies. Eww.

I was very lucky. My mil moved to Florida but I still think you should get an order of protection against your mil if she attract you. You only have your word against her so do it as fast as you can. If you have proof, all the better. Keep your baby safe.