Formal School Complaint - AIBU

[Schoolproblemsagain]

NC

Yesterday, I finally submitted a formal
complaint to my DS secondary school.

It has been a long time coming, but I’m having a major panic that I’ve done the wrong thing and they will treat my younger DS differently.

AIBU to have complained?

I won’t go into all the background details as it’s too long, but the catalyst for finally raising a formal is as follows:

DS Year 11, in the midst of his GCSE’s, has an EHCP and a Pupil Profile. ASD Diagnosis.

School phoned me and said:

At lunchtime, two boys were throwing food at him, he told them to fuck off, he was asked to leave the lunch hall, he refused. He explained to the teacher that he would not leave as he hadn’t done anything wrong and food was being thrown at him. This then escalated to three teachers within his space, who were asking him to leave. He was still refusing. He has been suspended for disruption and is not allowed to return to school unless to sit an exam.

The two boys, who were throwing food and their entourage, who were laughing, have received no punishment.

His EHCP and Pupil Profile states that he will not manage public confrontation with strategies on how to manage such events.

AIBU to have raised a complaint on the grounds that his EHCP and Pupil Profile were not followed, that he has been punished when the other students have not and that he is now missing vital support sessions during his GCSE’s?

Honestly, if the school handles this in a one sided way, then take further action.

In the UK, throwing food at someone — especially if done to cause upset — can be considered assault, regardless of whether the target is neurodiverse. However, if the person is neurodiverse and the act was done to intentionally cause them distress or exploit their condition, this can be considered an aggravating factor, potentially leading to harsher penalties.

Here’s how it breaks down legally:

1. Assault and Battery under UK law:

• Assault occurs when someone causes another person to fear immediate unlawful violence.
• Battery is the actual application of unlawful force to another person — this includes throwing an object (like food), even if it doesn’t cause injury.

So, if someone throws food at another person, that can legally count as battery.

2. Hate Crime and Aggravating Factors:

• If the act is motivated by hostility toward a person’s disability, including a neurodiverse condition (e.g. autism, ADHD), it can be treated as a hate crime under the Crime and Disorder Act 1998.
• Courts can impose more severe sentences if it’s proven that the offence was motivated by hostility or prejudice related to disability.

3. Harassment or Public Order Offence:

• If this was a repeated or targeted act, it could also fall under harassment laws or a public order offence (for threatening, abusive or insulting behaviour likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress).

As a teacher, and I’m not saying it’s the case here, but sometimes our hands are tied. Especially in cases of bullying and he said/she said accusations. Behaviour is largely uncontrolled in many schools, often because leadership don’t follow up on anything.

I frequently wonder why more parents don’t just go straight to the police after physical assaults.

I was once in a school where parents weren’t happy with how an incident of kicking was handled between 11 years olds. The parents went to the police. Both were actually nice families with nice kids, but the police were great. Went around and had a serious chat to the child and the family and then checked in on them every six weeks for six months. You can absolutely bet neither boys stepped out of line again and it had a flow on effect to other kids because they now knew that this really was a possibility.

As a teacher of 41 years, I sometimes feel like we would all be better off if more parents skipped the school procedures and went direct to the police. And yes, I know the police are overworked too, but maybe this could happen recent some longer term problems.

I find this thread disturbing that so many people have a lack of understanding or empathy for Autism and how that might present in a conflict situation.

He wasn’t “opting out at will” he was in crisis mode caused by the fact that kids threw food at him and he (in his mind) got the blame.

The adults in this scenario did a bad job of de-escalating this situation and are now blaming ds.

Imagine being in a similar situation as an adult, you’d be pretty annoyed that swearing resulted in being sent away but throwing food was apparently fine.

There are no gaps in the CPD offered in my school. We complete regular “check ins” with staff and training is one of our standard questions. Whenever a concern is raised about CPD or lack of knowledge, we find room in the budget to address it.

FYI that we also ask about staff wellbeing in these check ins and try to support with any issues flagged there too.

I maintain that there is a worrying gap in knowledge with all the teachers jumping on this thread telling the OP that she is wrong to challenge this suspension (she is not - the law has not been followed here), and even worse, that her child should be punished for his “defiance” with no thought given to the reason why there is defiance (his autism which is a protected characteristic whether people like it or not).

I’m pleased to say that every CPOMs record I’ve read for an exclusion panel in my school has significant detail on the “why” of each behaviour logged, particularly in SEN children. Then a reasonable adjustment is attempted to reduce the likelihood of this happening again before suspension or exclusion is even considered.

Dont get me wrong - I’m not teacher bashing. I think it’s an incredibly difficult job and schools are severely underfunded. However, I am bashing people on this thread who are spouting unkind and untrue shit at an upset mum and justifying it by saying they’re a teacher so they know…..

But they can show other pupils it’s ok to throw food at other children & gang up on them without consequence?
Clear.

Don’t you know it’s ok for other kids to abuse autistic kids. There’s not actually anything wrong with them. If they react to the abuse with an autistic shutdown then they’re just defiant so they need to be punished 🙄

Sure it’s absolutely fine to “suspend” the disabled kid for defiance. Probably because you think that’s the easiest option and it’s study leave anyway so you can probably do it without telling anyone and assuming the parents have no knowledge of the law.

FML 🙄

He has a protected disability and autistic children are hugely likely to be bullied. The figures are stark. Autism means fight /flight often kicks in when under distress(it’s not something those with ASC can just switch off hence the diagnosis), many struggle with managing emotions( which again just can’t be switched off), many have black and white thinking particularly with right/ wrong scenarios(which again just can’t be switched off ), many struggle with expressing themselves and communication( which again just can’t be switched off), all have sensory difficulties…..

The school should have been aware of all this are absolutely in the wrong and need better autism training/ provision. I absolutely would complain. The National Autistic Society can be really helpful and I’d contact your county independent EHCP support provision.

But only if you see the refusal through NT eyes.

For someone on the autism spectrum being asked to leave when you’ve been on the receiving end of something and not done something wrong in your eyes - and you’re already dysregulated - is not going to illicit the same response.

And the teachers knew this because they have the information to inform their reaction.

added to that 3 grown ups in your space surrounding you when your heightened won’t help the situation. That’s not to say they didn’t need to be there for safety - it’s recognising why their actions may have inflamed and not helped the situation.

This!

It absolutely wouldn’t have happened in the school
i work in.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be angry about how this was handled by the staff involved but what do you want to achieve with the formal complaint? The tine it takes to process the complaint means that it is unlikely to be concluded by the time the GCSEs are finished. I'm also surprised that any yr 11s are not on exam leave by this point so how much school is he actually missing? I get that you want to vent but the effort involved for all concerned is disproportionate to the outcomes you can expect here. I assume your SENDCO is ineffective or surely you would have phoned them as a first response.

I’m pretty sure most NT adults having food thrown at them whilst trying to eat their lunch would use choice words at the perpetrators and refuse to leave an establishment if similar happened to them.

Expecting an autistic child with an EHCP to ignore having food thrown at him and to just leave and go hungry when he has endured bullying, a physical assault and a big injustice is ridiculous.

But it could remove suspension from his permanent record which could be important depending on his post-16 plans. Would it be fair for a post-16 college place to be removed because the new education provider decides they can’t meet his needs? I have seen this happen to SEN children. One was even refused by a special school which was infuriating because the behaviour was being caused by their unmet SEN needs from attending a mainstream school.

Additionally, it helps to ensure that the school leadership reflect on the handling of this incident and hopefully learn lessons that can be applied to situations involving other SEN children in the future.

Not to mention that what the school has done appears to be very illegal and the Governors should be made aware.

I do agree that a good action would be to speak to the SENco though because I’m sure they would have been consulted before the suspension.

Spot on

I would contact the SENCO first to let him/ her know you’re going down the complaints procedure and to ask about the schools autism knowledge and provision, reasonable adjustments, his EHCP provision and point out he’s going to be further advantaged by being kept out of school. I’d also ask for the bullying policy and complaints procedure.It may be enough for a rethink.

I don't think I have anywhere said she's wrong to question it. I've posted possible scenarios for why the staff acted the way they did.

I'm not pretending to know the law. I'm explaining why sometimes a child has to follow an instruction. 30% of students where I work in have SEN. We couldn't have that many students refusing to follow instructions. Otoh the escalation wouldn't have happened where I work.

It sounds like he's been put on study leave rather than a documented suspension.

Why the staff acted the way they did in the heat of the moment is not really the issue to me. We’re all human and it’s hard to make the right decision every single time especially when under pressure, and when faced with an autistic child in fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode.

The issue is the subsequent “punishment” which I do believe is disproportionate to the offence of “defiance” in the circumstances. The fact that the other pupils appeared to receive no punishment also seems unfair.

I also have a major issue with the reaction of the autistic child being described by many teachers on this thread as “defiance that requires punishment”. It just shows a complete lack of understanding of the autistic brain. The child would not have been capable of following the instructions in this conflict scenario after a particularly horrible and distressing bullying attack on them, and in fact, like a PP said, it is highly likely that they wouldn’t have even heard or processed the instructions properly.

If this was my child, I wouldn’t actually be too annoyed about the actual handling of the incident (I don’t agree with it but I have empathy for heat of moment and decision making under pressure) but I would be fuming at the under the carpet illegal suspension.

What should have happened here is a full debrief of why the child became “defiant” and whether it was because of their SEN. Then leadership should have implemented reasonable adjustments to ensure it didn’t happen again. Simply removing the SEN child to ensure it doesn’t happen again is illegal.

The OP is absolutely right to be upset and to take this further.

I hope your son is okay.
Gently - the complaint won't achieve anything. He hasn't actually been suspended. Schools aren't obligated to allow Y11 to attend at this stage - many schools are on study leave.
In an ideal world, all of the staff should read and know what a pupil's EHCP and pupil profile says, alongside strategies effective for them. But in a mainstream secondary, there will be circa 30-40 EHCPs, and another 150ish pupil profiles. I'm not saying it's right, because it's not, but I can't see you getting a positive outcome in this circumstance.
I hope your son can use the time to revise and get some good GCSEs so that he can go on to the courses he's interested in next year :)

But how can the school justify allowing some year 11s into school but not others?

This is where I think the school is on really shaky ground. If they’re not allowing the OPs son in because of this incident then it’s highly likely to be an illegal breach of the Equalities Act.

Even if there is no benefit to the OPs son, shouldn’t we all stand up for the Equalities Act and help to ensure lessons are learnt which might help other children in the future?

This post nails it from a legal perspective. For an ASD person, increased anxiety around the exam period would also be expected and explain a lower tolerance to the entire situation. The food throwing is entirely unexceptable. Refusal to follow teacher instructions might warent one day out for everybody to decompress, but exclusion from the revision booster classes for the entire exam period is a hugely excessive punishment.

It might lead to the staff learning something about how to handle bullying of kids with SEN and any subsequent confrontations so they don't do that to another child though.

As PP have said, it won't be a formal exclusion at this stage so I imagine any calm and confident push back, using the support of SEN team if possible, will result in some kind of capitulation. There is no way a school would go for a formal suspension at this stage of year 11 because there is a financial implication so you don't need to worry about it being on his record for post 16 applications etc. the formal complaints procedure is too lengthy to affect change in time for the student to feel any benefit so the SEND lead is the best bet depending on what the HT letter says.

Right so not actually a suspension then, so all the stuff about an illegal suspension is irrelevant. Year 11s do not legally have to be in school apart from siting their exams so school are perfectly entitled to direct students onto early study leave as they see fit.

In an SEN school then yes maybe teachers have the capacity and time to allow students to be defiant in front of their peers. But in any mainstream school you simply cannot allow defiance to go unpunished - it would lead to anarchy.

In this case he HASN'T been suspended - he's just been told to attend for exams only, which is at the schools discretion at this point in the school year with just over a week of exams left. Very few actual lessons are taking place and students are just revising in school.

But they allow food throwing to go unpunished.

So you’re saying at the most stressful time of year for a ND child it’s ok for schools to ignore the law as regards disability, a disability itself, an EHCP and physical bullying. That an autistic child is supposed to sit there and take physical assault with no punishment for the perpetrators and then leave without argument and go hungry.

🤣What planet are you on?

Who has said the food throwing went unpunished?? Schools will not share details of other students with anyone other than their parents so unless they happen to post on here we have no idea about what sanctions were applied to them.

Actually I believe the law on suspensions is still entirely relevant here even though the school aren’t calling it a suspension. The DfE suspension and Permanent Exclusion Guidance (2023) is clear that informal exclusions or “sending pupils home” are unlawful.

Other Year 11s are still allowed in school. So there is a discrepancy in the treatment. The OPs child has been sent home because of defiant behaviour caused by his SEN.

It therefore falls under Section 15 (less favourable treatment) and Section 19 (indirect discrimination) of the Equalities Act. It is illegal.

Whether the OP can be bothered to argue with the school at this late stage in the game is another matter. Personally I would because I believe school leaders should be aware of, and follow the law. However, I do agree that the benefits of pursuing it for the OPs son are likely negligible at this point in time given there are only a couple of weeks left.