Formal School Complaint - AIBU

[Schoolproblemsagain]

NC

Yesterday, I finally submitted a formal
complaint to my DS secondary school.

It has been a long time coming, but I’m having a major panic that I’ve done the wrong thing and they will treat my younger DS differently.

AIBU to have complained?

I won’t go into all the background details as it’s too long, but the catalyst for finally raising a formal is as follows:

DS Year 11, in the midst of his GCSE’s, has an EHCP and a Pupil Profile. ASD Diagnosis.

School phoned me and said:

At lunchtime, two boys were throwing food at him, he told them to fuck off, he was asked to leave the lunch hall, he refused. He explained to the teacher that he would not leave as he hadn’t done anything wrong and food was being thrown at him. This then escalated to three teachers within his space, who were asking him to leave. He was still refusing. He has been suspended for disruption and is not allowed to return to school unless to sit an exam.

The two boys, who were throwing food and their entourage, who were laughing, have received no punishment.

His EHCP and Pupil Profile states that he will not manage public confrontation with strategies on how to manage such events.

AIBU to have raised a complaint on the grounds that his EHCP and Pupil Profile were not followed, that he has been punished when the other students have not and that he is now missing vital support sessions during his GCSE’s?

Interesting that you can't actually come up with a reasoned response.

Yes but if that’s the case - it’s not kind to be confidently telling an upset parent that they are wrong to question the suspension,

If you don’t know the law, don’t pretend you do and essentially kick someone when they’re down.

Also - this is not law relating to an EHCP. This is the Equalities Act. A SEN child doesn’t need an EHCP to have full protection against suspension or exclusion if their “bad” behaviour is because of their SEN

THIS!!!!! 100%

In what way is it not reasoned?

If he's in y11 surely he is on study leave by now?
But no, you can't let barefaced defiance like that go. He is 16 now not a small child. Would he refuse a police officer's order? Do you think there would be no consequences if he did?

The teachers are wrong.
Address the behaviour of the bullies in the appropriate manner.
When your son is calm (help him get there if possible) and has finished his lunch, have a quiet chat with him, acknowledge the behaviour that led to his swearing and that it is understandable he got upset/angry and his feelings are valid. Ask him/talk to him about some of the strategies he can use in these situations to avoid swearing at people.

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The bullies should fuck off. I doubt this is the first time they have bullied your son, or that they are the only ones to do it. Telling the bullies to fuck off is a pretty tame response to having food thrown at you and he hasn't hurt anyone.

Of course he reacted the way he did to the teachers, he was already upset and they treated him unfairly. I'm upset on his behalf. Let him eat his lunch in peace. They escalated instead of de-escalating and then blamed him for it.

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I think your complaint is reasonable, but the concern with the other boys not being punished I would frame as the bullying against your son not being addressed, especially if there have been other occasions and it continues to go unchecked.

The point is that this is a child with ASD and a known difficulty in dealing with public confrontation. ASD is a social communication disorder in which pupils tend to have sensory problems so that being in a noisy crowded area is already stressful; they are likely also to have language processing problems and other associated difficulties. If they become dysregulated, as others have pointed out, they may go into fight or flight mode and find it impossible to take in anything that is going on around them.

So if a child with those difficulties suddenly finds himself the target of a major physical confrontation without any of the support he is supposed to receive, his chances of avoiding becoming overwhelmed and dysregulation are close to nil. In that situation the chances are that he didn't even hear anyone asking him to leave. You would not punish a deaf pupil for failing to follow an instruction they hadn't heard, I hope, and the same principle should apply here.

I suspect they’re chancing the luck and hoping OP won’t know the law and I bet they haven’t logged anything.

OP - you should ask the school to confirm if your son has been suspended and if so, please can they share the statutory paperwork asap as you would like to proceed with your right to appeal to a Governor panel. I’ll put money on them backtracking and saying he’s not suspended…..

The trouble is that far too many teachers do try to advise parents when they don't know what they are talking about. For example, it happens only too often that teachers advise parents that their child doesn't meet the criteria for an EHC needs assessment when they very clearly do. Far too many seem to think it's OK to use a dedicated 1:1 supporter for other children in the class. A surprising number of teachers seem to think it is their job to advise on amendments to EHCPs also, when that is solely the job of the local authority.

No, it isn't a different scenario. In effect the child in a wheelchair has, quite rightly, been permitted to opt out of comply with orders to stand. In the same way children with ASD may be permitted to opt out of other rules where their disability makes it impossible to supply. Of course in general they should comply with teachers' instructions, but in a situation such as this where their condition means that they were probably unaware of them and where they wold inevitably be in a state of severe distress, they should not be punished for failing to obey something they couldn't process or take in.

The fact that you gave no reasons for denying the analogy applied?

It wasn't barefaced defiance. Please educate yourself on the effects of autism.

If OP hasn't received the relevant paperwork RE the suspension, then the suspension either doesn't exist or isn't valid. OP needs to take this up with the school. Anything to do with the other children isn't her concern.

I do have sympathy with the staff that tried to remove OP's child though. Situations like this are a minefield and if something feels like it's escalating, or that it might, saying "well this child can't handle confrontation so you shouldn't have tried to walk them out" might be accurate as far as paperwork goes, but that doesn't always reflect reality.

OP says that their child doesn't raise their voice. Other posters seem to be suggesting that the child was likely so agitated by the noise/confrontation that they couldn't have been expected to behave in a reasonable way. I don't see how both of these can be true, and expect that the actual version of events was somewhere in the middle.

I take you’ve never met a person with autism then. Of course they can refuse a direct instruction. Many present with PDA so entirely unreasonable for the teachers to have asked op’s son to leave. Teachers should have dealt with the people throwing food and then given a consequence for the ‘fuck off’ later when ops son had managed to recover from the incident and was not in front of everyone.

You are wrong. SEN should be regarded.

If people were throwing food at me and laughing at me while I was trying to eat my lunch, I think I would probably tell them to fuck off. It isn't an unreasonable response imo.

The OP's ds should have done what the teachers told him to do, and I presume that his refusal to comply is the reason for the punishment. That's understandable, but some ND children do get very stuck if they perceive some sort of injustice. If the school didn't handle the issue in the way that had previously been agreed in his plan, then I think it's reasonable for the OP to complain about that.

So, the school expected him to sit there quietly while having g food thrown at him, OR more likely, they just wanted him to get up, lunch unfinished and leave so there was no fuss to deal with. Fuck that.

I’d tell people throwing food at me to fuck off as well.

I’m glad to hear that you would punish your daughter if she ever breathed an unkind word against someone who was bullying her in public. Your brave stand against standing up for yourself is commendable.

OP says that their child doesn't raise their voice. Other posters seem to be suggesting that the child was likely so agitated by the noise/confrontation that they couldn't have been expected to behave in a reasonable way. I don't see how both of these can be true, and expect that the actual version of events was somewhere in the middle.

I don't see why they can't both be true. OP's child may well have simply retreated into himself and done nothing, hence the fact that he didn't leave when told to . A "fight, flight or freeze" reaction is absolutely classic, and it sounds like he froze.

It's not the swearing that got him suspended, it is the defiance in nit following the teachers' orders

He didn't freeze though, OP said he communicated to the teachers that he was refusing to leave because the situation wasn't fair.

I well understand the effects 0f autism thank you. It is not a free pass to do as ypu like and ignore authority in someone who has virtually attained adulthood

You forgot to keep your NC

What now, how quickly will this be resolved OP?

I disagree that teachers are lax in their CPD.

Schools/SLT are lax in not providing the type of CPD that is needed.

In this case de-escalation and and knowledge of autism (even though the saying is "once you have met a child with autism, you have met one child with autism").

As a governor maybe you could ask about the CPD curriculum for the school and organise some useful CPD.

Not being leery, you are in a position to do this.