Formal School Complaint - AIBU

[Schoolproblemsagain]

NC

Yesterday, I finally submitted a formal
complaint to my DS secondary school.

It has been a long time coming, but I’m having a major panic that I’ve done the wrong thing and they will treat my younger DS differently.

AIBU to have complained?

I won’t go into all the background details as it’s too long, but the catalyst for finally raising a formal is as follows:

DS Year 11, in the midst of his GCSE’s, has an EHCP and a Pupil Profile. ASD Diagnosis.

School phoned me and said:

At lunchtime, two boys were throwing food at him, he told them to fuck off, he was asked to leave the lunch hall, he refused. He explained to the teacher that he would not leave as he hadn’t done anything wrong and food was being thrown at him. This then escalated to three teachers within his space, who were asking him to leave. He was still refusing. He has been suspended for disruption and is not allowed to return to school unless to sit an exam.

The two boys, who were throwing food and their entourage, who were laughing, have received no punishment.

His EHCP and Pupil Profile states that he will not manage public confrontation with strategies on how to manage such events.

AIBU to have raised a complaint on the grounds that his EHCP and Pupil Profile were not followed, that he has been punished when the other students have not and that he is now missing vital support sessions during his GCSE’s?

They surely can't be having pupils telling others to "fuck off". What do you expect the school to do? Take everything else out of it, they can't show other pupils that it's ok to tell each other to fuck off (if you have the right paperwork).

You definitely don't know the outcomes for other students. These are confidential and would never be shared with you. The outcomes for other chikdren is not relevant to your son.

If you feel that the exclusion is as a result of his SEND then you can challenge it. The information on how to do this should on the paperwork you received.

Sorry but in ‘real life’ you would not be expected to put up with having food thrown at you & a group taking the piss. I often open up threads about schools & despair. But I agree with OP on this one. They need to sort the bullies out.

They surely can’t have kids throwing food at other kids who have autism (or at all)? No expectations for the school for that?

Both should be dealt with.

Pupils shouldn't throw food.

Pupils shouldn't swear at each other.

Pupils should accept the direction and punishments given by teachers, e.g. told to leave the lunch hall after doing either of the above.

See above

So basically if the other boys hadn't been goading him, he wouldn't have told anyone to FO. Understandably, the teachers find this unacceptable, but deal with ALL involved and not just the one - who wouldn't have said it without provocation.
Quite right to challenge in the circumstances.

I also have a child with ASD but you can bet your bottom dollar if she so much as whispered “fuck off” under her breath at ANYONE at school, I would fully support them in punishing her!
An EHCP is not a get out of jail free card, nor is it a rule book for the school

Also, they definitely would not be able to tell you whether the other kids were punished or not. I do agree they should be, however.

Whilst I do agree with this, you surely can't think it's ok to do NOTHING about the group who were throwing food and laughing at another pupil?! I'd be livid to be honest.

They also can’t be having pupils throwing food at others, but those boys weren’t punished.

A complaint is the right way forward. They have clear stratagies relating to his EHCP so should be using them appropriately

Nowhere in that post did I say anything about what should, or shouldn't, happen to the others.

Wow, I seem to be getting a lot of replies to my first post in this thread, which are in fact not replies to anything I said. I've covered this in subsequent posts.

Yes, the school mismanaged the situation by getting into a confrontation where neither side would back down. If your DS needs to be punished it should be in a way that does not impact his exams. Eg banned from lunch hall. Hes effectively been suspended - i would bet they have not followed the suspension process?

No, but in context it was a perfectly reasonable reaction.

@Schoolproblemsagain does the canteen have CCTV? (My school does).

I'd be pointing out that your son was essentially assaulted and his language was in response to the assault. I'd be wanting those who threw the food to he suspended and his suspension lifted otherwise I'd take further action.

How do you know the other boys have not been punished?

I would expect there to be consequences for all involved. Swearing at other kids is not great but it’ll be the refusing to leave the situation that’s difficult.

I fundamentally disagree that "fuck off" is language that a school should tolerate.

(In case you'd like to join the queue of people who want to know if I think throwing food is ok, I refer you to my other posts)

(Though actually, I also disagree that teenagers throwing food is tantamount to an assault. It's just kids being pricks)

My ds is autistic. He would also have told them to fuck off - because he’s also human and they were effectively assaulting him.

He would also have refused to move because he has a real sense of justice and would have known every law to quote to show why what they were doing was common assault and they should have been the ones in trouble.

Luckily his school were hot on those who knew what buttons to press with him and those boys throwing food would have been punished for their actions as well as picking on the child with a disability.

But if throwing food at someone is just being a prick.

So is telling that someone to fuck off equally just being as much of a prick.

if the situation is exactly how the OP reported as behaviour lead in a school it wouldn’t have been OPs son I’d have been reprimanding the harshest.

As others have asked, how do you know about the other boys’ punishment, or lack thereof?

I wasn’t aware schools would share that info with the parents of the other party.

But it doesn’t sound like the school followed appropriate strategies to get him to leave. If he has an EHCP there should be a plan to de escalated him. Obviously swearing is not appropriate, but he was provoked, probably by kids that knew he would react that way.
Autism can cause sensitivity to touch so throwing food can feel more intense, plus it’s done to humiliate a vulnerable person.

Your son did nothing wrong. It’s not wrong to defend yourself against bullying behaviour.

I’d be very clear that you feel he is being treated less favourably because of his disability and you will have no hesitation to appeal to the SEND tribunal on grounds of alleged disability discrimination if they don’t have a rethink, that will get the cogs moving.

It's not appropriate language but again, given the context, he shouldn't have been suspended.

Going up up a student unprovoked and shouting fuck off in their race then yes a suspension would be appropriate.

But in response for having food thrown at you it isn't a surprising response.