Formal School Complaint - AIBU

[Schoolproblemsagain]

NC

Yesterday, I finally submitted a formal
complaint to my DS secondary school.

It has been a long time coming, but I’m having a major panic that I’ve done the wrong thing and they will treat my younger DS differently.

AIBU to have complained?

I won’t go into all the background details as it’s too long, but the catalyst for finally raising a formal is as follows:

DS Year 11, in the midst of his GCSE’s, has an EHCP and a Pupil Profile. ASD Diagnosis.

School phoned me and said:

At lunchtime, two boys were throwing food at him, he told them to fuck off, he was asked to leave the lunch hall, he refused. He explained to the teacher that he would not leave as he hadn’t done anything wrong and food was being thrown at him. This then escalated to three teachers within his space, who were asking him to leave. He was still refusing. He has been suspended for disruption and is not allowed to return to school unless to sit an exam.

The two boys, who were throwing food and their entourage, who were laughing, have received no punishment.

His EHCP and Pupil Profile states that he will not manage public confrontation with strategies on how to manage such events.

AIBU to have raised a complaint on the grounds that his EHCP and Pupil Profile were not followed, that he has been punished when the other students have not and that he is now missing vital support sessions during his GCSE’s?

@Adviceplease2022 you are completely correct. Many of the clear-cut, no-nonsense-type responses on this thread absolutely scream no comprehension of neurodiversity/ the law around suspensions and exclusions, and the EA 2010.

Absolutely.

But as a leadership team, we sometimes have situations where lunchtime staff/ less experienced teachers make mistakes…

The headteacher should have acknowledged that the situation was handled badly and thought of a way to prevent this happening again.

And yes - I would question the general behaviour of a school where pupils feel brazen enough to throw food at a child with needs.

To clarify….

I do not think that any student, ND or not, should be going around using foul language. I have spoken to my DS about this, however, the hall had 150 pupils in it, he had a group of students throwing food/laughing at him and he reacted with Fuck Off - completely understandable to me in this situation.

Yes, he was if you like “defiant” however, he was never going to successfully be able to leave a full hall, surrounded by 3 members of staff. He absolutely believed and still believes, he did nothing wrong accept verbally react to being harassed. My issue is that 3 staff was overkill. It heightened an already difficult situation and they ALL should have been asked to leave or the group that were laughing/throwing food.

I have based my decision to complain on what the HOY told me on the phone, not on my DS’s account of the situation although they are relatively similar.

I strongly believe that this situation was mishandled with my DS facing a consequence that outweighs the crime based on the circumstances.

CCTV is available and they did confirm they had watched it back.

I am aware, the other students are allowed into school usual hours and not exams only as I see them arriving and leaving at the usual times. I think it is very unfair that my DS is only allowed in for exams now.

No it is not. I agree. But when an autistic person becomes severely dysregulated, it is highly likely that they will become physically incapable of following any instruction. This is not bad behaviour, this is their autistic brain.

FYI my child is described as a dream child by their school and behaves impeccably. However, if this dinner hall scenario happened to them, they would have reacted similarly and have been literally unable to follow teachers instructions. They’d have got a massive telling off from me for using the F word but that’s all.

You do realise autism affects executive functioning right?! What you are saying is like saying a child in a wheelchair should just try harder to walk. Just because you can’t see the disability, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Why is 3 staff overkill? Assuming there weren't 3 to begin with, but he refused one who looked to others for support? What was the one supposed to do?

From a school POV, once he left it is far easier to deal with the food throwers. But while he is there, he's a potential target still, and they were a bigger mass so moving them takes even more staff. You aren't entitled to know what happened to them.

The school had 450 pupils, they eat in stages.

The first teacher was an SLT, this teacher knows my DS and I thought understood him but they called the extra two staff.

For information, my DS does not shout, so he wasn’t shouting and screaming fuck off for all to hear. If you speak to him louder than an “indoor voice” it’s too much for him. He himself, is quietly spoken and I have never heard him raise his voice.

Please ask for a Governor panel and challenge the suspension. Not least because it’s not fair for him to have it on his school record if it’s because of unmet SEN needs

@Hercisback1 Overkill may have been the wrong word, but obviously I’m writing knowing the school set up, staff and my DS.

Yet to keep the student safe, the best thing to do was remove them from the hall. Allowing other staff to follow up with the food throwing. Autistic shutdown happens, we see it in school. But it is impractical to try and move all students out of the hall. Therefore the swearing one needs to leave and the whole situation can be cooled down. Clearly the way it was dealt with wasn't ideal, but if he refused to move for SLT person 1, what do you think should have happened next?

Ideally, I think they should have asked the group to stop throwing food, stood where they could see my DS but left him alone until the end of lunch. They could have then had a sensible conversation with him about what had happened. There is absolutely no way he would have been able to successfully leave the hall in front of all the students accompanied by three staff.

I wonder if the reason they didn’t take an approach like that was because there were many other kids there watching. Maybe the SLT felt that if they were seen to retreat, it would be fair game for the whole school to take the same stance.

If he'd left the first time there wouldn't have been 3 staff.

Food throwers implies multiple people, requiring multiple staff getting them to leave, all the while escalating the situation and possibly requiring someone leaving the students unsupervised and vulnerable. You don't know the needs of any of those children. The least worst option may have been getting your DS to leave. None of us were there, we don't know exactly what happened and if a different course of action may have been possible. We only know what was tried and didn't work.

To add, if you have NT children it really is completely different to having ND children.

No two NT children are the same.

My DS is absolutely distraught that he can only attend school for his GCSE’s absolutely distraught.

It really sometimes isn’t any easy case of, do as you are told and do it now.

Imagine being giving an instruction, count to 10 to process the instruction, count to 10 again to process how to carry out the instruction, then 10 again to actually carry out the instructions. That’s 30 seconds. That is a very long time. Staff don’t always factor that in when dealing with ND.

But as posters have said about my DS, they should have just done as they were told and left! 😀

I hard disagree with some of the responses here. The boys who were throwing food should have been removed, not OP's DS. A reprimand for the bad language is fair enough, but it should have been the food throwing little shits who got the worst consequences. Especially if they were targeting him because of his difference.

Teachers may have thought they were de-escalating by trying to get him away from the scene, but in OP's DS' mind, they were being unfair, and that is absolutely the last thing that will de-escalate an activated autistic young person. It'll make things worse.

I would probably request a meeting with the school before going to the formal complaint stage, but I guess it depends how they are generally- supportive, or is this one in a long line of incidents.

Regardless of SEN needs, schools simply can't have situations where students are defiant to multiple members of staff and have to impose high level sanctions, because what kind of message does it send if they don't.

Ignore all the people who don’t understand autism. They’re talking shit. Actually quite scary how many of them claim to be teachers or SLT yet they don’t understand the basics of the law surrounding suspensions and exclusions 🤨😱

I’m so sorry your son is so distraught and I can only imagine the impact that it’s having on you too. Big hugs.

You’ve done the right thing raising a complaint. It can now be properly investigated. Please remember that a suspension for unmet SEN needs is illegal. A Governor panel is mandatory if the suspension is for more than 6 days and you request it.

Who should have left? Sorry you've confused me.

I agree about the time ND children take to process things. I always give students plenty of time and an opportunity at every step for a "get out clause" where they won't lose face. With your DS a subtle "let's walk to X place I need help with a job" may have been enough.

A suspension for defiance is clearly not a suspension for unmet needs. All children in a mainstream school need to be able to follow reasonable instructions from staff members. Sanctioning for failure to do this will not be breaching what is laid out in his ehcp.

None of us know what happened to the food throwers either. They may have an exclusion or similar on record. We also don't know if they are ND.

GCSEs are all done with by around 16th June (ish), so there’s only a week left

I know. I agree. Thank you

The number of alleged SLT’s and teachers who comment on threads like mine and really don’t have a full understanding is incredible.

The food throwers x 2 are NT, they were told off and have not been removed from school accept for GCSE’s. They have not received the same punishment as my DS.

i think if somebody was throwing food at me whilst I attempted to eat lunch I’d tell them to fuck off too!

This sounds poorly managed OP, I mean yes the swearing isn’t ideal so they stop the food throwing, check he’s ok then later on during a calm moment somebody takes him aside and explains that swearing isn’t an acceptable or reasonable response and asks him to complete a problem solving exercise about it for extra homework…or something similar.

No need for all the drama and crowding round the lad with 3 adults. This sounds like it was blown out of all proportion.

(and yes the ones that threw food can eat their own packed lunches outside for a few weeks and apologise to OP’s ds.)

I honestly despair of secondary schools dashing straight to detentions and suspensions for every little thing.

Editing to reply to the right post