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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my dd go on brownie camp (longish)

105 replies

Madsometimes · 22/05/2008 10:18

dd1 is 7 and really wants to go on brownie camp in July but dh and I think we are going to say no.

I know that she really wants to go and will be very disappointed, but we feel nervous because we do not really know the adults who are going. I know that they are experienced guiders who have had police checks and training etc but they have a lot of children to look after.

dd1 gets very silly and over excited and is immature for her age. At the end of April she went on a trip to a theme park. It was a blistering hot day, and although we had covered her with sun block before getting on the coach she came back burnt and incredibly thirsty. She was given money to buy extra drinks (in addition to packed lunch) but did not do so.

She also bumped her head on one of the rides and had a big lump on her head. That night she was nauseous and dizzy, so we had to keep her awake for a few hours even though she was sleepy. I don't think dh was very impressed and he in particular is very against her going away for 2 nights.

She does have a residential trip with school planned for September which she is going on, so I am not a total control freak - just nearly one!

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 13:15

Your DD will never become mature and organised unless you give her the opportunities to gain some independence.
Children become virtual prisoners because of their parents insecurities.
If she wants to go on Brownie camp then I can't think of any way of telling her that she can't go that doesn't give her the message that you have no confidence in her!
I find it strange that people don't trust the leaders. The have been police checked, done all sorts of courses to get their warrant and are not allowed to take children off to camp with no training and experience.
I think that the scout and guide movement are fantastic-they are one of the few organisations that give children life skills and responsibilities+it is run by volunteers and cheap!
Brown Owl would have already spoken to you if she had concerns about taking your DD on camp.

BalloonSlayer · 22/05/2008 13:19

I think she needs to go, and one of her parents should accompany her.

My DH went to Beaver Camp with DS1 because of DS1's medical condition. A friend (very level headed, a former nanny) went with her 6 year old son, because she said "I am not letting him go somewhere I haven't seen." She didn't worry about whether she was being unreasonable or not.

Once you check out the trip for yourself you will probably have more confidence in sending her next time.

moocowmrs · 22/05/2008 13:20

As a guider, Brownines and Rainbows I would like to echo everything Tatterdelion said, we are ultra careful about drinks suncream and the like. We work to stringent guidelines and have lots of training.
your daughter will gain so much more than you can ever imagine from being part of these type of activities. I have seen many girls blossom in camp situations.
Let her go and enjoy hearing all about it on her return

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 13:23

I don't think a parent should go too!! If you have a DC with special needs then yes. This little girl has no special needs, she is immature. She will remain immature with that sort of attitude!

Flame · 22/05/2008 13:23

Aww send her

My mum was a brownie guider for years, and I have seen the camps organised through the eyes of both a child and an adult.

It is the making of many children.

(I have only read OP, sorry )

seeker · 22/05/2008 13:23

Oh don't go with her unless she has a medical condition that makes it necessary. If you're there she will look to you all the time (of course)and won't get anything like as much out of the camp as she would without you. She'll be fine - the leaders are all well trained and experienced.

What do you think might happen to her?

Vickilee · 22/05/2008 13:39

Sorry to disagree with most but I used to help at Cubs and have been on camps - even if the leader is trained, all the other helpers are not always, and the leaders cannot watch all the kids all the time. If you are worried, can you volunteer to go along? The leaders will welcome the extra help. Camps are great experience for the kids as they are rarely allowed such freedom at home! Trust your instincts, if you don't think she can cope with being self-reliant, don't send her yet.

HonoriaGlossop · 22/05/2008 13:43

I think it's actually not unreasonable to not want to send your 7 year old away with adults you are not familiar with, to stay overnight out of doors.

7 is extremely young and she will not be forever emotionally stunted if you choose this year, not to allow this! Of course she needs to begin to develop independence and maturity, but that takes a whole childhood and is not dependent on being able to go away at 7. There will be many opportunities for you to support her gaining indpendence and in scenarios that you are familiar with, like the school trip.

Have the courage of your convictions; your daughter, your choice.

RubyRioja · 22/05/2008 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 22/05/2008 17:44

Let her go. She will be fine.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 17:46

If the DD was worried about going or didn't want to then of course she is young and it would be silly to make her do something she didn't want to do. However the DD in question is really keen so it would be overprotective not to let her go.
If you don't let her develop independence slowly then how are you going to manage when she wants to go to Peru with just a friend when she is 18 for a gap year?
RubyRioja, if you feel that you don't know Brown Owl well enough I am sure she would like some volunteer help at meetings and you could get to know her.

misdee · 22/05/2008 17:47

let her go!

its dd1 first brownie camp in sept (she is 8), and i trust her brownies leaders to be able to look after them all well enough. they have sent home food lists for us to check off and see if they wont eat anything, have given us lists and lists and have been very thorough.

it will teach her a great deal about independance and how to work together as a group. they will cook meals together, play together and all skeep together. it will be good for dd.

so yes YABVU

brimfull · 22/05/2008 17:49

YABU

she will be fine
she'll have a ball

2 nights is nothing

just explain all your worried to the guiders,they'll think "Oh jeez we've go a worrier here" and will keep an extra eye on your dd

misdee · 22/05/2008 17:50

oh and the camp dd is going to, they dont sleep out of doors.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 17:57

I watched 'Child of Our Time' last night. Modern parenting comes out very badly on giving DCs freedom and letting them take risks and deal with them.
One 8 year old said that she couldn't go to the local shop on her own because "there is no one to guard me".
Brownie camp is an opportunity to get some life skills in a very controlled, caring environment.

RubyRioja · 22/05/2008 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minniedot · 22/05/2008 18:04

Can you or your dh go with her?

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 18:08

A parent going with a confident child who wants to go and has no special needs is being over protective! (it might be different if she was worried but she isn't).

HonoriaGlossop · 22/05/2008 18:38

I saw the Child of Our Time thing last night too and it was very interesting seeing the lack of freedom many kids have nowadays and I was amazed at so many parents truly worrying their child might be abducted!

I still think though that there's a difference between a general lack of freedom as in not even being allowed to play outside your own front door, and this issue - I still think as a parent if you don't want your 7 yr old to go away with adults you just don't know, that's not unreasonable particularly in view of the OP's assertion that she's fine with her going on a school trip because she has more trust there from knowing the people involved on a long term basis.

7 is still very young indeed. What's the hurry! Many, many people didn't go away without parents at this age; it's not odd, by any means.

roquefort · 22/05/2008 18:56

Let her go once you have asked lots of questions to satisfy yourself that all things you are worried about have been thought about. Was the trip to the theme park with the same group (are you concerned that it was not supervised adequately)?

FluffyMummy123 · 22/05/2008 18:58

Message withdrawn

sophiajane · 22/05/2008 19:01

Trust your instincts - I am not over protective nutter but don't think I would let my 7 year old go away for 2 days - only my opinion.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 19:04

7 is young if they didn't want to go but they do want to go!

learningallthetime · 22/05/2008 19:12

I went on every brownie pack holiday and absolutly loved every minute of them.

We were very well looked after and the holidays themselves were always special, something much more than a boring school trip.

I have a 7 month DD and I'm hoping that she when she's older, she wants to go on brownie holidays as not only are they educational, they allow the child a chance to experience things they wouldn't normally do on family holidays which will hopefully create wonderful memories like I have.

You really are depriving you DD if you don't let her go.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 19:23

As an ex Beaver leader, I find it a bit insulting that parents, who leave their DCs once a week suddenly think I am not to be trusted! Brown Owl will have been thoroughly checked out, done risk assessments and been on camps before! She is most likely a middle aged lady with DCs of her own.
You have to go with the DC. My eldest DS went on cub camp over 100 miles away when he was 8 and loved it. Middle DS wasn't good at going away from home so didn't go. 3rd DC didn't like cubs. OP should be guided by her DD who wants to go.

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