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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my dd go on brownie camp (longish)

105 replies

Madsometimes · 22/05/2008 10:18

dd1 is 7 and really wants to go on brownie camp in July but dh and I think we are going to say no.

I know that she really wants to go and will be very disappointed, but we feel nervous because we do not really know the adults who are going. I know that they are experienced guiders who have had police checks and training etc but they have a lot of children to look after.

dd1 gets very silly and over excited and is immature for her age. At the end of April she went on a trip to a theme park. It was a blistering hot day, and although we had covered her with sun block before getting on the coach she came back burnt and incredibly thirsty. She was given money to buy extra drinks (in addition to packed lunch) but did not do so.

She also bumped her head on one of the rides and had a big lump on her head. That night she was nauseous and dizzy, so we had to keep her awake for a few hours even though she was sleepy. I don't think dh was very impressed and he in particular is very against her going away for 2 nights.

She does have a residential trip with school planned for September which she is going on, so I am not a total control freak - just nearly one!

OP posts:
weblette · 22/05/2008 11:03

If she wants to go, let her. It's a very controlled situation, probably would be safer than the school residential trip.

What message are you giving her by saying no? Keeping her away from situations where she can develop a little maturity certainly won't help.

If the Brownie leaders were concerned that she she wouldn't cope, they certainly would have talked to you.

DD went on one last weekend and loved it. If anything, the older girls were more of a problem than the younger ones.

branflake81 · 22/05/2008 11:06

I think you are being embarrassingly unreasonable.

Your worries are very exaggerated - you need to give your child a little freedom or how will she ever learn?

I am sorry if this comes across as harsh but it's what I think.

wannaBe · 22/05/2008 11:11

is it any wonder our children have less independence now when parents are so overprotective? What difference does it make that you don't know the adults that well? There are always going to be times when our children come into contact with adults you don't know, in school when a supply teacher comes in for instance.

It goes without saying that it's hard to let your children go away overnight, but the only way they will mature and grow into their own people is if we let them go.

And I speak as someone who was sent off to boarding school at the age of 5, didn't do me any harm.

yabu.

jesuswhatnext · 22/05/2008 11:22

let her go!!!

my dizzy, dipsy totally dopey dd (at that age) went to brownie and guide camps, if she can surive them im willing to bet yours will

the camps did her the world of good, she is now 16 and finished d of e award, really enjoyed the challange and aquitted herself well.

i think they MUST have the freedom to explore, be adventurous etc brownies is a perfefct start!

Loshad · 22/05/2008 11:28

how many nights are they going for ?- why don't you let her do just for one night. does seem a bit an extreme "punishment" for the theme park affair - couldn't you have sent her on that with enough drinks to start with.
You have to start letting them have a little bit of freedom, then a bit more and trustign them.
Agree with jwn, brownies/cubs ideal starting point for freedom and responsibility. Send her with old clothes, be chilled if she come shome without something, and be happy for her. Of course you'll worry - i still miss my 14yo every time he's away from home, but that's not a reason not to let him go.

jesuswhatnext · 22/05/2008 11:36

btw - it became a running joke amoung the other brownies and guides that my dd got most of her belongings back at the next pack meeting after the others had found her stuff strewn around the campsite!

RubyRioja · 22/05/2008 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kslatts · 22/05/2008 12:02

I still have good memories of the brownie camps that I went on, I wouldn't stop my dd from going. I think YABU.

Indith · 22/05/2008 12:04

Talk to her leader if you are worried (if nothing else it will help you get to know her better). Ask her how she thinks your dd would do on camp.

At the end of the day though, from my point of view we are tyrants when it comes to sunscreen etc, always know where the girls are and are very careful. Far too much paperwork if one of them breaks their neck And that is taking Guides camping. Brownies on camp are very strictly marshalled at all times

If she hurts herself or is homesick or if there is any other problem they will let you know. God I'm taking the Rainbows on a sleepover soon, now that is insane!

Gobbledigook · 22/05/2008 12:06

I'd let her go.

TheProvincialLady · 22/05/2008 12:09

Let her go, it might encourage her to gain a bit of independence and maturity. I think it says more about the parents of children who are not allowed to go than the children in most cases.

skeletonbones · 22/05/2008 12:11

I would go along to the meeting, and ask lots of questions to reasure yourself, also i would get DD to prectice the things you are worried about before you go, explain to her that you are worried about her remembering to have a drink on camp, so you would like her to make sure she goes and gets herself a drink of water x times a day/when she is thirsty at home/when you are out so that she can show you what a grown up girl she is and that she is ready for camp.
I would let her go. I felt the same about my daughters first school overnight trip as she is 7 too and really wanted to say 'no' but i'm so glad i didn't, because she had a fantatic time and it has really improved her confidence and independance.

AbbeyA · 22/05/2008 12:21

YABU and far too over protective. It will do her the world of good and be fantistic for her self esteem. The leaders are responsible adults who have masses of experience and are probably parents themselves. They are going to have done risk assessments and take extra special care with other people's children. It will be so sad if you don't let her go.

belgo · 22/05/2008 12:27

YABU.

Brownie camps are great fun. As other posters have said, speak to the guiders about it.

DirtySexyMummy · 22/05/2008 12:30

YABU and overprotective.

SmugColditz · 22/05/2008 12:32
3littlefrogs · 22/05/2008 12:32

Brownie camp is wonderful. Dd went when she was 7 and loved it. I suppose brownie packs/leaders differ, but IME the brownie leaders were Much more responsible and clued up than the teachers/helpers at her primary school.

SKYTVADDICT · 22/05/2008 12:33

If it is in July is it the big sount, guide etc camp? Not sure I would be happy for my DD (age 7) to go to that overnight as it sounds large. Our Brownies are visiting for the day - don't know where it is as haven't had the details yet.

If it was smaller then I would probably let her go.

ipanemagirl · 22/05/2008 12:39

I'd let my ds (7) go like a flash if he wanted to, he gets so much out of being a Beaver Scout - he just loves it. But I do really trust his leaders, they're all women in their 50s and devoted to the boys so totally that I almost find it impossible to describe! I'm really pleased I managed to get him into the group he's in because there's a massive waiting list someone told me.

Tough call - if you don't let her go could you arrange an alternative treat to make her feel better?

Tatterdemalion · 22/05/2008 12:39

I can understand your anxiety, but I think YA(probably)BU.

I am an (almost) Rainbow Guider. There are A LOT of hoops and boxes to be ticked before you are warranted.....and that just allows you to run a pack (ie 1 hour in a hall somewhere).

The qualifiction to run a pack holiday is HUGE (thank the Lord that Rainbows don't do them). Every aspect of the trip will have been gone through with a fine toothcomb. If you are concerned about the eating/hydration aspect, a very good friend who takes her Guides camping told me that pretty much THE WHOLE DAY is based around getting food and drink into them.

breakfast
early morning snack
elevenses
pre lunch snack
lunch
drinks
afternoon tea
tea
early evening tea
pre bed hot chocolate

it's a wonder they have anytime to build a washing up bowl stand and make a camp fire. If they're not eating they'll be on the latrine.

I think if you have specific concerns then you should ask your Brown Owl. I'm sure she will have been asked them a thousand times already.

Oh and re head bumps......head bumps and treatment of are covered in detail at the first aid course that all Guders have to do

hth

seeker · 22/05/2008 12:41

Let her go - imagine being the only one not going! They'll all be talking about it for ages - she'll feel so left out.

jellybeans · 22/05/2008 12:47

It's up to you how you feel but i think YABU, like someone said they are very strict on health and safety and these trips are an amazing part of childhood. My DD has been on 2 brownie camps, about an hour away. First time she was 7 and I was worried but knew I couldn't deny her the chance to go and all the others were going in the pack. Both times she was totally fine, i don't really know the leaders much tbh but you can't know everyone 100% you have to have some trust in them as long as they are checked and have everything in place. i would grit your teeth and let her go, it will fly by and she will love it.

marmadukescarlet · 22/05/2008 12:53

I didn't let my DD go on BC aged 7 but it was for 5 nights, she is very young for her age, has dyspraxia and had only been a a couple of one night sleepovers.

TBH if it had only been 2 nights I would have let her.

She is going on the 5 night one next week now she is 8.

I am hoping that having to remember to get dressed, brush her teeth etc will help her become more responsible.

She regularly forgets to go to the loo before bedtime as her sequencing/memory are so poor (I am of the opinion 'How can you not remember' but anyway) which sometimes results in accidents. I have just asked Brown Owl to prompt her quietly.

batters · 22/05/2008 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrspnut · 22/05/2008 13:11

YABU - I think that these trips are entirely character building and how else are children expected to learn the skills they need to be confident independent adults if they are never allowed to fall over or bump their heads occasionally.

I believe in lots of outdoor play, walking to and from places without parents and freedom from an appropriate age - because otherwise we end up with kids who leave home unable to care for themselves.