Children drowning on holiday.

[Nextdoormat]

Another week where in the news a poor toddler (2) has drowned on holiday. Devastating for parents. I am not casting blame or being goady, but how can we make it clearer that someone needs to watch a child 100% of the time if near water.
As a single parent I did take my kids on holiday where there were pools but they always had arm bands on when they couldn't swim properly and I never took my eyes off them, so no reading a book, snoozing, chatting and being distracted.
Perhaps it was easier when I had sole responsibility. Once my DS2 at the time aged 4 was just walking by the pool and another kid just pushed him in at the deep end. I jumped in fully clothed with sunglasses on and pulled him out, if I wasn't watching I could have been that parent grieving.
My heart goes out to the parents, what was supposed to be a holiday making memories turned on it's head.

I think a lot of the time with these things it’s where there’s been an incomplete/misunderstood handover between parents or where there are lots of family around so everyone assumes that someone else is watching the child. I am very paranoid about DC and the water so one of us is always in the water in arms reach of both, and if both kids are in we are both in the water generally unless it’s a private pool setting where one of us might be on the side watching. They are never left unaccompanied at the pool and on holiday they are never allowed to be anywhere the pool without an adult, even if they aren’t expecting to go in,

I agree, so many people are complete idiots.

I dragged a 4-5 year old child out of a swimming pool in Tenerife a couple years ago, they were choking and couldn’t keep their head up. Mum was asleep on a lounger and dad was in the bar, it took about 10 minutes of us and a lifeguard shouting for them for us to figure out who the parents were.

I've seen someone talking about this and they had a physical token of some sort - I don't know what it was, but e.g. a wooden spoon, to pick a random example. The adult who was in charge of supervising the child in their pool had to hold the wooden spoon. You couldn't put it down on the side and fiddle with your phone - if you're holding the spoon, you pay attention and watch them. And have to physically hand the spoon to another responsible adult if you pass on the job of child watching.

Isn’t there a decent chance the parent/s of that child in the news are on this site? Imagine seeing your OP which immediately jumps to ‘kids not being properly parented’.

I don’t like this thread 😕

I agree with this. A toddler near me drowned a year or two back, he had followed a visitor out or the visitor hadn’t closed a door, and they realised fairly quickly that he wasn’t in the house, but he was found later in the pond .
My friend’s three year old drowned in a pool on holiday, they had rented a villa with another family, arrived and were unpacking cars etc, and my friend and her husband each thought their little boy was with the other parent. There was a pool and he had fallen in and drowned by the time they found him, it wasn’t a long time, this can happen so quickly.
A little girl I know, just three, actually woke up very early, managed to get out of the house and walked to the playground- about a five minutes walk away but not within sight. It was an hour or two before anyone knew she had gone. She was still happily playing in the playground but it always gave me the horrors, my dd was the same age and I went over and over never leaving the house etc. There was a body of water near by, it could have ended in tragedy but luckily didn’t, and nobody was at fault.

Years ago on holiday, DH and stepson, we were in the sea. Only waist deep. I thought I heard a very faint and scared voice weakly saying “help”. I looked around and a toddler was in a tiny inflatable boat, like beach toy.

I managed to reached the string and got her back to the beach. Both parents were convinced that she was with the other parent.

If I hadn’t heard her she would have floated out to sea.

Float jackets are a drowning risk themselves

This specific one was a private villa I think. I have only once had a private villa as it was so incredibly stressful, constantly checking all the doors were locked when we wanted to all be inside, checking someone hadn't opened a random side door which I child could escape through. The pool wasn't fenced off so I had to lock us all inside every time I needed to cook or do something.

We did eurocamp the next time where we had to walk half a mile to the pool. Much less stressful....

I'll never forget my friend's hen party, when DS1 was a toddler. It was at her house, a relaxed, alternative kind of affair. I'd said I couldn't come because of DS, but they were like "No it's fine, just bring him!" Most of those attending were mums- I think there were another couple of kids, but older. I arrived with DS in tow, they were all sitting I the kitchen, I said "Can you watch him for a second while I go and get more stuff from the car?", they were all like "Yeah yeah!"

5 minutes later I came back from the car with an armful of stuff to find DS outside, standing in the water at the edge of the pond in his socks. Luckily he hadn't gone any deeper. He'd let himself out of the house and they hadn't even noticed 😡.

I think threads like this are important as we head into summer holiday season. Know where your child is at all times. Never assume someone else is watching them. Never assume the other parent is ‘on duty’ unless you’ve physically had that discussion. Never assume because it’s a busy pool with lots of people around they will be safe. Never assume that they can’t access the pool area while off playing.

This post is unintentionally cruel, OP.

The reality is that the main difference between parents whose children have near misses and parents whose children die is luck. Of course you can say 'this never happened to me because I watched my children like a hawk, other people need to be more careful'. It makes us feel better to think an awful tragedy could never happen to us because we're more careful, but truly so often it comes down to luck.

Of course we must all be strictly aware of where our kids are at all times, but when something horrific like this happens it's not the time to say 'don't these parents know they have to be vigilant every second?', because there but for the grace of god go all of us.

And yes the problem with float jackets is that they can a) instil a false sense of confidence in children. Children ideally should be a bit nervous of the water, respectful. Float jackets on when aren’t actively swimming can promote risk-taking behaviour that means they may be more likely to enter the pool alone and b) they can sometimes cause children to get stuck in positions in the water that they can’t get out of, when without a float jacket they might be able to keep their head out. There was a horrible story a while ago about a child whose float suit thing ended up leaving him trapped stuck upside down in the water.

We live by the sea and and I cringe every year at tourists sunbathing while their children float away quite far out in rubber rings and stuff. People assume if children have arm bands, life jackets and rubber rings they won't drown but it's not true. I actually think it's safer to send your child into a pool or the sea with no floatation devices at all and not allow them to go out of thier depth, or hold on to them and help them learn to swim if very little.

I've lost sight of my maybe 7yr old on a beach and taken 10 mins to find her and also been in the situation where both the adults thought the other one had the 5/6yr old until we realised and she'd been unsupervised in a waterpark for 10mins. I'm the most paranoid helicopter parent as I can't swim well myself.

I haven't seen the details of this case but agree with this.

It's often more dangerous with multiple adults because it's easier to think someone else is watching them.

I do go in the pool with my kids and they are late primary but I think there's a shocking statistics about the percentage of drownings that occur in very close proximity to an adult.

Drowning is rarely the dramatic splashing and sinking we see on screen. It's usually silent and easy to miss.

My husband watched my 3 year old drown on holiday - thankfully I was able to resuscitate her - she asked to go swimming, he said yes, she got in the pool in front of him and he didn't realise she wasn't in armbands. It happens so quickly and silently. It's very easy to judge but literally a short lapse in concentration is all it takes. :(

I think a lot of people just don't understand the dangers of water and how fast children (or anyone) drowns. Also people don't think accidents will happen to them, they are on holiday and relaxing. Its so easy. I never read by the pool when DD was small. Always sat watching her like a hawk, then DH would take over. People were always telling me to 'relax', she's fine, she loves the water, you can't live your life as if any moment tragedy will strike.

But as someone said up thread 'but for the Grace of God'...it takes seconds and despite my best efforts I'm sure I was distracted at times and was just lucky.

The cruise ship one has never left me

Fucking hell, yes. One of the most horrifying thing I've read about.

I could never understand how that poor bloke was convicted though (although I don't think he actually went to prison). He just thought he was letting the toddler lean against the window to look out and didn't realise one in a very long bank of windows had been opened so there was no glass.

Absolutely heartbreaking and a terrible, terrible accident by what appeared to be an engaged and watchful grandad. I think that case is entirely different to people who take their eyes off their kids around bodies of water tbph.

It may sound counterintuitive but accidents seem to happen more when there are more adults rather than less. One adult, you are focused. 2 or more... someone else is watching.

Definitely this. Its a tragedy, but I do see how it can happen

No one can possibly watch their child for every second. Let alone more than one child. So there may be parents who are highly engaged and curious and just deeply deeply unlucky.

That said, I do think many people including parents do not give enough thought to water safety.

Most children who drown are within 20ft of an adult. It's not toddlers sneaking off on their own that is the highest risk but the kids in the pool with adults or with adults just nearby.

Drowning is silent. There is no screaming and waving. Films are very misleading about it.
Children will look like they are climbing a ladder as they drown as they will be vertical and frantically using arms and legs to try and climb (which is why you need to try and teach them "float to live").
Their mouth will bob just under the water, they inhale some but manage to get themselves up through their frantic ladder climbing, it happens again and then again and then they've inhaled too much and drown.
It can look a lot like they are just doggy paddling. But always look - is there mouth going under? Have they gone vertical, rather than horizontal?
If so, grab them immediately.

No screaming. You can't scream if you are actually drowning.

I grabbed a boy at a busy beach who frantically ladder climbing, just as the lifeguard also noticed and leapt in to get to him - the lifeguard then told me off for not keeping a close eye on him (once he was safely out of the water!) and I explained I didn't know him. His dad had not only missed his son drowning but missed the lifeguard running and diving in, his son being taken out and wrapped in blankets and checked on the beach...

But he was lucky and the boy was fine, if a bit shocked.

He had another child and thought the boy was a much better swimmer than he was.

Much better parents might still be much unluckier.
Reducing the probability of it happening is important of course but using any individual case to cast aspersions on that family when we have no idea what happened is not fair.

Well I will say what most are thinking: it is negligence plain and simple.

I'd have clobbered him.

There is a terrifying statistic about how many child drownings happen with parents less than a meter away from them, as in physically in the pool with them. People don't realize how completely silent drowning is. There isn't anything to see. I am cheerfully paranoid about my kids near water (although absolutely no judgement here, because it is so so hard).

Don't forget about the teens and adults who take it upon themselves to do water sports (particularly at the coast) and not wear a buoyancy aid because they are too cool.

Water safety across the board isn't taken seriously.

This made my blood run cold - I find pool holidays SO stressful with young children (WHY does Europe not have laws about requiring pools to be properly fenced?). Those poor parents.

just to the PP who said 2 is too young to be learning about water safety - it absolutely isn’t. My kids both understood float to survive and monkey monkey on the side of the pool by 2, and I worked incredibly hard to get them to be able to swim a (domestic pool) length with safety crawl by the time they were 3. It takes time and money and effort but I think it’s well spent.