To ask if boys can wear coloured gingham school shorts?

[Makingitupaswegoalong]

DS starting school in September. I’ve never liked the grey boys’ school shorts. I think they’re horrible.

Could a boy wear the shorts version of the summer dresses in the warmer months? The ones like this:
https://direct.asda.com/george/school/shorts/light-blue-girls-gingham-longer-length-school-shorts/G008057152,default,pd.html?redirectFromInt=1&cmpid=ppc--geor-------_-dskwid-_dm&utm_campaign=pla:Fashion-School-_Performance_Max&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17501196607&gbraid=0AAAAADt8Wcm1oMWVYoBrMZRAaJmY4OxHM&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgIXCBhDBARIsAELC9ZgYG9pdeZibdgD76_xniRBLDqnyyvZArL9DdLA7VsYiWE5zGC1CWE0aAkIFEALw_wcB

The little boys round here wear a lot of brightly coloured patterned leggings.

Why couldn’t they were these shorts? Are they obviously girly? Would people bully him or think we were weird? I just think they’re nicer.

You have it wrong. I don’t force my kids to do anything. But when they want to do something ‘different’, I support them fully.

When my son wanted long hair, he had it. When kids told him he was a girl, I made sure he knew that they were being silly and that boys can have long hair too.

He stood up for himself with those kids, played with his friends, everyone was fine.

I’m setting my kid up for a life of self-belief and bravery. Teaching a child to blend in even when they want to be different is teaching them to suppress themselves to shrink and fade into the background.

I know which method is going to be better for my children.

YABA please put your son in regulation shorts and don’t make him stand out from the other children. It’s not necessarily the other children that will comment but the parents and they may want their children to wear something different too. That is why schools have uniforms, so everyone is the same and no one gets to wear their different/more expensive/nicer clothes. He can wear the other shorts when he gets home.

From what I know of small boys (having been one) his life will be made a living hell.

FFS don't do it just because you happen to dislike grey shorts.

To answer your questions: "Would people bully him or think we were weird?"

YES and YES.

...I'll add though, that pointing out that children might say mean things, that they might make him stand out and that if this is just down to the choice of the parent, it might not be the best choice... does not make me akin to an Andrew Tate loving, Right wing American shill.
Your characterisation of people who don't agree with you, as the above, along with derogatory comments about people being old, reactionary and doing needlepoint, are just rude and a little silly.

It’s a lovely school with strong principles of inclusion and respect. It’s also a school with a pretty diverse population (London) so there are a lot of parents with values that come from less progressive countries than the UK.

So there are definitely lots of different beliefs and areas of conflict - but the thing that makes it special is how they make sure that every child feels secure in being themselves.

I totally agree with everything in your vignette of how the teacher should deal with Bob and his shorts - this thread has been eye opening in realising many mums wouldn’t handle it so respectfully.

Yeah great way to get him bullied.
just put him in the proper grey shorts like all the other boys

Yes and boys do wear traditional dress to. But you cannot compare a traditional dress to a pair of fashion gingham shorts.

When it's socially acceptable for men to wear skirts and dress from a supermarket or fashion high street shop that is the time for it to be acceptable to put boys into the same.

@Hoppers13 If you cannot hear the derision in the voice of the boy who asks "miss, why is Bob wearing girls shorts?" I can.

If the OP actually goes through with this (for no better reason than she dislikes grey shorts), I hope Bob knows that some of us were trying to save him!

I respect you opinion, as silly as I think it is.

But that would offend the OP's aesthetic dress sense. Far better the poor little devil has to suffer than OP has to endure grey shorts in the laundry basket.

No, you misunderstand. Women’s work has everything to do with it. It’s part of the system of gender that oppresses women and girls (and boys too) and clothing is part of that system. Why do you think so many of these women are falling over themselves to scold OP for considering putting her son in ‘girls clothes’? All they had to do was see the ‘girls’ label on the item and off they go. It might be subconscious rather than an actual choice to uphold stereotypes but that’s even sadder because it means they’ve absorbed those gender stereotypes without realising.

And no, it’s not because the shorts are ‘babyish’, the pearl clutching is because they say ‘girls’ and the OP’s child is a boy. Boys mustn’t be ‘s*ssies’, boys mustn’t be like girls, they must be masculine, macho, not walk around in gingham shorts or pink cardigans. Indeed, pink cardigans, you imply, should be saved for wearing in the home only - wtaf? 😂 My son wore the pink cardigan outside and no-one teased him.

And the Lego and not so gendered clothes from my childhood did work. But, perhaps they worked too well? All these years and women still aren’t equal. This step backwards to gender stereotypes suspiciously coincided to the time when equality seemed in sight.

Girls can wear ‘boys clothes’, boys can wear ‘girls clothes’. Girls can play with ‘boys toys’, boys can play with ‘girls toys’ (ooh, and I’ve just remembered that my son had a Barbie doll too. He asked me to buy it for him so I did. What I didnt do is tell him it was a girls’ toy 🙄). Women can do ‘men’s work’, men can do ‘women’s work’. Women can be tough and brave, men can be gentle and caring.

Why does this need saying in 2025?

How will it become acceptable unless we educate the next generation not to bully people who don’t conform to gender stereotypes?

When women forcibly took ‘male’ clothes, it was out of necessity and they were ‘moving up’ because men have always been considered superior.

Women are still considered inferior - and by association, their clothes.

The adult men today have been conditioned by these same sexist stereotypes. So they will never choose female clothes - the conditioning is too strong.

So how else can we change things if not by teaching our young that the idea of boys’ stuff and girls’ stuff is silly nonsense?

I'm glad your dcs school is inclusive and supportive... the schools I am involved with are too. However, children are learning and they can and do say things that can be hurtful. We can teach those children to do better (it can be a long lesson, especially if they hear a different attitude at home), and we can support the children who have had their self worth knocked back by things others have said, but this can be a long hard road, and it is not an easy one.
That's is why...
I think most people are saying they wouldn't choose to put their child in something that
makes them stand out.
But I think most people on this thread would support their child if it was their child's choice.

Exactly this. 👏

If that’s true, then we are not disagreeing on anything.

Given the attitudes exposed here, I doubt it.

All very depressing for the girls and boys growing up now.

Oh, I know that some children will say it in a mean way, and some children will tease Bob. I also know that children will ask questions and make comments without realising an implied insult.
"Miss your hair is shorter than my dad's, are you a man?"
"Mum that man has a big, fat tummy doesn't he... doesn't he mum?....MUM!!"*
"Miss, Terry** can't do the daily mile because he has funny things on his legs".
Etc
All the above things are true things I've heard kids say, none of them were said out of meanness, but they all may have made the person being commented on feel a bit shit.
As I say I wouldn't choose the shorts, but I would make sure if a child came in wearing them that I would try and support the children to do the right thing, and try and help the child feel OK about being dressed differently, and I think most people on this thread would do the same.

*mum did tell the child not to make comments about people, and wanted to say, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
**Terry's real name is not Terry.

How will it become socially acceptable, when someone starts doing it with a platform.

Rockers 100% made it acceptable for men to have long hair (might have been to hide ear plugs, protect their hearing).
In turn it's acceptable and fashionable for boys to have long hair.

Once some music star or someone with a platform stands up and says "I'm 100% bloke" but in a fashion dress, then it will become acceptable for boys to wear fashion dresses.

Sadly it didn’t work for Beckham.

But agree, it’s part of the solution.

Paul Mescal and Harry Styles are doing their bit with the lacy tops and Ncuti Gatwa wears some amazing heels!

I quite agree.

It’s something for adults to tackle not little four year old boys who haven’t even asked to wear the gingham shorts.

If he really wanted them, telling him no because they are for girls would be something quite different. But he hasn’t.

I feel OP's started this thread for a debate , and I don't think it's genuine. But in case it is genuine OP, it doesnt really matter what you think OP. It doesn't matter whether you like grey shorts or not. If you don't like grey shorts then don't wear them. But this is about your son, not you. Unless your son has categorically refused to wear grey shorts I wouldn't be "that parent". Believe me, teachers and staff will be talking about how loopy you are behind your back. School mums are very quick to judge, this could affect your future relationships with school mums which in turn can affect whether or not he gets play dates etc. Put your feelings about this aside, this is not about you. Help your child to blend in. Don't be that mum and son that everyone is laughing about.

I agree with you (man here, occasional visitor to AIBU 🙂) and you're right, these things shouldn't need saying (yet again) in 2025 - but putting the lad in gingham shorts is kind of asking him to fight that battle on behalf of 'the enlightened'.
As a side note, I recently bought a pink shirt, to go under a suit... the (female) shop assistant said something along the lines of "ooh, it takes a proper man to wear pink" 🤔😃

I think the shorts are super cute for a 4 year old boy and would look really sweet with a polo shirt. But if they are not generally worn as part of the boy's uniform, then I wouldn't. Uniforms especially for state school are generally hideous. If you try and style it up you are most likely moving away from the uniformity of the uniform.

Ive never seen a primary schoolgirl in gingham shorts
Gingham dresses yes. But not shorts.

They definitely wear them at ours. Not many do but some. I don't think they look very nice. They're a weird bunched up cut

I'm interested in the fact you are not a fan of school uniform. As I've already stated one of the main reasons I think all schools should have a compulsory uniform policy is due to the fact many parents find it extremely difficult to provide the outfits necessary for day to day wear, especially keeping up with parents who provide quality outfits every day. A uniform provides a level and fair field for all.