Today I sent a venting msg about a work colleague to the colleague

[coffeegirl73]

Yep that’s what I did. Have a bit of a banter going with pal at work - the same person annoys us both. I actually hate myself for being drawn into venting I’ve been trying so hard to “rise above it all” but she was getting to me today. I sent a message to my pal but of course it went to this woman by mistake. She saw it before I could delete it. I messaged her saying that was a private msg and I’m sorry she saw it but it wasn’t about her - she just replied ok. I feel like such a shit. I really hope she isn’t hurt - I probably would be I know. Lesson learnt though. Anyone else done anything loke
this . Don’t be too hard on me I know it was immature and juvenile of me to even send a msg at all . Feel terrible

Even if the person is a bully - and there is absolutely nothing at all in the OP to suggest that, just that these two find her "annoying" - it is still bullying. If it were "banter" about somebody being black, we'd need to reserve judgement until we found out whether they deserved bullying? Perhaps she's "annoying" because of her tic, or her compulsion to tidy things - but bullying someone based on their disability or mannerism might be ok if they deserve it?

There is no excuse for bullying, and this was not "banter". It was bullying. Cowards hide behind excuses like that. If there is genuinely an issue then you deal with it openly and honestly like an adult. If you simply find someone difficult then adults accept that people are different and don't make a song and dance about it.

And the OP isn't slightly sorry for what they did - they decided to fix how terrible they feel it by posting it all here for public consumption. Let's hope the recipient of their bullying isn't on here reading about herself again.

Hopefully the recipient got a screenshot of the message and has gone to HR.

say it, forget it. Write it, regret it

Imagine being the person that received this "banter vent" yesterday, bring told it wasn't about them, giving them the benefit of the doubt for their own peace of mind to see today on MN it was indeed about them.

As well as reporting the email to HR I expect if they have seen this the thread may also be linked to any complaint to HR or indeed perhaps the HR team will have seen this too.

Imagine the responses the recipient of this message would get of she started a thread about recieving your message OP. She has good grounds to go to HR with this and you will be on the recieving end of a disciplinary or worse depending what you said. It was a really stupid thing to do. Reflect on how you would feel on the recieving end of this, rather than how you feel having done it. The fact you say you hope she's not upset shows how immature you are. Of course she's upset, anybody would be.

*receive

it’s ok to be frustrated but those thoughts need to be kept private.

You need to sit down face to face with her and apologise properly.

not because you’ve been caught, not because you’re sad she’s upset but a genuine display of remorse.

work place bullying / gross misconduct /misuse of office computer / wasting company time.

the list is endless, and this behavior will come back and bite you in the ass, so to speak.

She’s hurt. She knows it’s about her. And you made it worse by making it out not to be about her.
She probably does feel like shit, and you honestly should consider that the way you feel about someone says as much about you (if not more) than it does them.

I did this to my boss! Was at a work event with him and he was being way to enthusiastic about it all.....when he went to get coffee I fired off a message to a colleague but sent to him by mistake (in my defence I was extremely jetlagged). He hadn't seen it when he returned with coffee but I apologised immediately - he read the message and grinned. Fortunately I hadn't been too obnoxious. We got on great but I felt really guilty for the rest of the event as he dialled his enthusiasm back

OP, I know it's awks but I think you need to own to it and message, or even call her, to apologise. It's more common that you think and the reason I don't bitch in writing because I 100% know I'd end up sending to the wrong person (not because I am morally superior ;)

That is really awful. So unprofessional to bitch about work colleagues to other work colleagues. It creates a very toxic work environment for all. If you want to vent, that’s what husbands are for.

The worst I have done is send a scathing email about the quality of work we were receiving from a law firm pretty much saying we need to look for another firm but I sent it to the law firm rather than the intended internal recipient. But it wasn’t a personal attack and even then I was mortified.

Do half of you not know how to use a phone? How are you all sending messages to the wrong person !!

Never write anything in a work e-mail that you wouldn’t want to be read out in a court of law. Or any kind of work message for that matter. I know that sounds dramatic but basically these are not private messages.

I agree with pp that you should own it and apologise properly.

@marshmallowpuff ’s advice is the best. Don’t try to avoid it, face it head on, apologise directly to the colleague and admit you were wrong, and childish.

I sympathise, as I find my colleagues intensely annoying at times. It doesn’t necessarily reflect how I think of them as people IYKWIM. If you heard me venting you might think I loathe them - I don’t, it’s just hard listening to chewing, sniffing, humming all day every day and coping with everyone’s different communication styles, shall we say. Don’t be too hard on yourself

Really does sound like bullying. I hope this person makes a complaint

I had this happen to me in that I received the message. It was from someone who was a good friend. I was really shocked at the time as it was a very personal attack about something that I had no control over. I got over it but I definitely held her at arms length and the friendship didn't last long term.

100%.

Being professional means acting in a way that would be acceptable if scrutinised by others. If it wouldn’t be, don’t do it.

I received an email of this nature once. Accidentally sent to me by a man who I already knew had no respect for me or my knowledge and experience.

He was mortified. And naturally worried about the repercussions.

I told him he was wrong about me. But I didn’t report him. His problem, not mine.

I once ruined a big surprise 40th birthday party by sending a message to the person who's birthday it was, rather than a friend a meant to vent my frustration at.

Their birthday was very close to Christmas, and the night of the party was also the night of a long anticipated works do..my message was along the lines of ' FFS I can't believe xxxx has arranged a surprise birthday party so close to Christmas, I don't know what to do! ' .

Birthday girl replied back saying ' I don't think you meant to send this to me, I won't say anything, but I hope you can come' .

I was there with bells on out of pure shame!

I think anyone who sends a message to the wrong person deserves to be caught. It takes 2 seconds to double check you're messaging the right person.

You know that people can get sacked for this ? We have a friend who lost a senior position in an organisation that she had worked in for over 20 years with an unblemished record because of some comments on WhatsApp about a colleague.

When I was 17 I sent a message to one of my friends saying I hated her when she was right in front of me... ding ding the message goes off and she opens it in front of me. I played it off as a joke but we both knew it wasn't. OMG I was mortified. However it has scarred me for life and I can barely even type out a snakey message to anyone, or on the odd occasion I do I have to triple, quadruple check who I am sending it to. PS we are still friends shockingly haha.

Anyway, I sympathise with how you are feeling but I like to keep a realistic view on these things. Let's be real - someone is out there venting about all of us, no one can be liked by everyone. She will get over it.

You really should have owned it rather than pretending it wasn't about her- that's even worse and will make her feel even more talked about behind her back. I'd apologise to her properly.

Two colleagues did this in my workplace year's ago, they were bitching about the manager & one accidentally forwarded the email to the manager! The tension in the office was high! I was young & remember taking a mental note to NEVER put my moans & groans in writing. It happens alot it seems 😕

Sending her the e mail is bad, but at that point you might still have had my sympathy, if it weren't for the fact that you're trying to absolve yourself of responsibility by blaming your friend for drawing you into it. You've then made it ten times worse by lying about it.

Don't 'style it out' if by 'styling it out' what people mean is just pretend it didn't happen and lie about it.

Take her aside in person, own what you did, and apologise. If possible, express some of the work issues you're having with her in a productive and mutually respectful way.

You'll feel much better, honestly.