Today I sent a venting msg about a work colleague to the colleague

[coffeegirl73]

Yep that’s what I did. Have a bit of a banter going with pal at work - the same person annoys us both. I actually hate myself for being drawn into venting I’ve been trying so hard to “rise above it all” but she was getting to me today. I sent a message to my pal but of course it went to this woman by mistake. She saw it before I could delete it. I messaged her saying that was a private msg and I’m sorry she saw it but it wasn’t about her - she just replied ok. I feel like such a shit. I really hope she isn’t hurt - I probably would be I know. Lesson learnt though. Anyone else done anything loke
this . Don’t be too hard on me I know it was immature and juvenile of me to even send a msg at all . Feel terrible

I agree with this. She knows it was about her. Those words might stay with her for years. It might be something she is deeply insecure about.

When I was young and foolish we had a colleague whose surname was Wallace. He had cheese sandwiches every day, and was from Yorkshire so he earned the nickname Gromit from the lads in the factory floor. I had to phone him for something, he answered but it didn’t sound like him I thought it was my work bestie who worked in the same office, so i said, in my best Wallace impression:
“Got any cheeeeeeese Gromit?”
Silence at the other end of the phone. 😬 Then, “sorry?” Silence whilst I panicked and came up with, “oh sorry, I thought you were Mike, trying to get a lunch order in”. Still, awkward!

Eugh you sound like an an absolute delight

I know what bullying is.
Perhaps the recipient is bullying others.
Don’t make accusations until you have all the details and facts and evidence.

That's hilarious 😂 😂😂 I would have died inside though if it happened to me!

Someone did this to me once, it really wasn’t funny, particularly as the person was being extremely spiteful. I was taken aback by the message, and it was definitely about me as she’d written my name several times! I replied saying I don’t think this message was for me…and copied in the HR email. Cue profuse apologies, but I never spoke to said colleague again. She was only upset I’d seen the message, not about the fact she was being so nasty.

That’s pretty awful. She may raise a grievance, she may just be very upset about it. I feel for her as that’s awful, she will know it was about her of course. Stick to what’s app if you’re bitching about colleagues.

Lesson learnt OP. Never say anything unpleasant about colleagues in any format that can be screenshot or forwarded. If you need to vent, only ever do it verbally.

Me and a colleague were moaning about a new hire (let's call him Dave) that I was training - Dave had been arrogant all day and said something misogynistic like he found it hard to learn from women. I was basically venting and colleague was trying to make me feel better by bitching about Dave's appearance. Not our finest hour.

Colleague was laughing and being mean about the photo-shopping in Dave's teams photo - and colleague clicked on it- which invited the Dave to the call!
As soon as we realized he was there we both went 'shit,' and hung up. I messaged to say, sorry wrong Dave... He must have known something was up.

My cousin did similar and was sacked for it

I once saw a memo criticising me. Totally unjustified. The writer apologised profusely, but I would never trust them again

No sympathy from me

Two colleagues of mine had been having a bitch on teams chat about another member of staff. The whole team of about eight of us were in a meeting and person 1 was asked to share their screen, the teams chat came up whilst she was looking for the correct document. Person 3 lodged a complaint about persons 1 & 2, it went on forever. There were apologies refused, mediation, all sorts. The whole thing was a nightmare.

We don’t know it was bullying, recently someone I know was being an absolute bitch to me and I sent a rant about her to someone and sent it to her by mistake. I deleted it before she saw it but if she had I would have owned it because she was everything I said.

Not long after she showed herself to everyone as the bile bitch she is.

I'm being subtly bullied by my line manager. I have discussed this with my two very close colleagues from my previous department and also spoken to them on email, the latter just matter of fact "Sarah won't allow me to do it". No moaning or name calling, just support. Certainly not banter. I don't believe in banter. Are we bullies then?

I used to work in a team of four. We were quite young. There was a manager who was quite up herself as she was favoured by senior leaders and enjoyed quite privileged treatment, but generally OK. For some reason, I forget why, one of us took a real dislike to her, and she would send emails calling her all sorts of really unkind personal names. I, thankfully, didn’t get drawn in. This colleague really went to town on this manager. I left the role actually but heard afterwards that someone must have reported her because apparently they started monitoring her emails without her knowledge. One day she was called into the office, with her manager and this other manager, and they had a pile of her printed out emails which they then read out word for word, while she squirmed in her seat. Needless to say she was immediately fired. I see her on FB now. She’s moved a long way away and seems to be in quite a senior position in a large organisation now. It was all more than 20 years ago. I often wonder if she ever cringes about that and whether she learnt a huge lesson that day.

I also have several emails to the union about my manager. Again no name calling or bitching just facts about what she said or did.

Hopefully the op won't do it again.

There is a fine line between banter and bullying. My sympathies are with the recipient, even if they are a pain in the arse. More likely they are very efficient or a bit different from the herd.

If I were your manager, I'd be looking at the time sent if it came to me, and wondering if you wrote it on yiur time or work time.

The op does not come out of this well and I hope will grow up soon.

Three words OP.

Subject access request.

Always do your venting verbally and not in writing.

I caught a mate bitching about my flowery teaching style in the staff room and had a email sent from a manager in error, effect having a bitch with another manager.

The first one is still my friend. The second one I resigned straight afterwards. I didn’t take it personally though. I like a gossip too.

Oh this happened to me. Just been promoted, got back to my desk to see a message pop up from someone I thought was a friend slagging me off, saying I'd shagged our boss to get the role....She apologised and the other one owned up, they both had to redo the IT policy training and I didn't trust them again. They went to lunch with each other every day, just bitch about me over a sandwich FFS.

Having a 'bit of banter'? In my head this means having a bitch. And it's people like you who make other people's lives a misery at work. I'm glad you're feeling awkward about it. Maybe you'll think more in the future.

Never ever put anything in writing you wouldn’t want read out in court in front of that person and a judge.

Oh my absolute sympathy op!

I did this years ago and it still chills me to the bone when I think about it…

i really liked the person but she was famous for being a bit lazy at work and me and a pal were moaning about her laziness and yes I sent it to the woman we were moaning about. I owned it and apologised. She didn’t care and went on being my friend.

funniky enough I now see the whole incident with new eyes, as I am getting older … she was approaching retirement and we were young newbies….she wasn’t lazy , she just wasn’t in her twenties…. She just had a different attitude to work….

You need to reflect about yourself as a person, if what you are saying about other woman at work is so bad, you fear the sack if it is revealed to them.

Zero sympathy from me, OP. Never write anything down that you wouldn't be happy being read out at a tribunal.
I manage large teams and this sort of bitching - sorry, "banter" - makes for a toxic culture. Grow up and sort out any problems like adults.

I kept receiving messages from someone at a different site bitching about a colleague. I replied a couple of times saying that she’d got the wrong person, I didn’t work there and didn’t want to recover this type of message. On the third time I forwarded the message to everyone at her site.

I would stop bitching, it’s not a good look.

Have fun with HR today.