AIBU to have no hobbies

[BunTHoven]

Over the years, I’ve noticed a curious pattern across countless threads on here: time and again, the narrative involves the OP - or a close relation, be it a spouse, sibling, or friend - grappling with some issue or entanglement related to a hobby. These pastimes are often alluded to in oblique or cryptic terms, as though their mere mention might unravel anonymity.

AIBU to have no hobbies whatsoever?

I work full-time. I commute. I have two children—one teen and one tween. Even if I did somehow carve out a scrap of time, I genuinely wouldn’t know how to fill it.

Does this make me the odd one out? Or is it that Mumsnet, by some strange gravity, draws to it a disproportionate number of stories where hobbies play a central role?

YABU = having no hobbies is weird AF
YANBU = lots of people don't have a hobby

Experiences are great and trying stuff is great.

I always worked FT with a commute and had 2 children and sometimes those hobbies took a bit of a back seat. I have a DH who genuinely shared the load plus had a cleaner so gave me time.

Have spent a lifetime hiking, gaming, dancing lessons of many types, visiting museums and crafting namely making costumes and props for myself, others and some theatre productions. Have tried many other things as well but these stuck.

I just made an authentic replica of a 1940’s tea dress, hat and bag and went to a vintage steam railway and car event recently and waltzed on the train platform to live music.

@tammienorrie I researched how to make a hooped petticoat last night, I get what you mean.

I am really confused?
Were you making a joke that's gone over my head?

Gosh, this has been so enlightening and has probably changed my perspective on what I consider a hobby. I had bracketed it in my mind in relation to the amount of time spent, regularity (groups, classes), whether it's an organised activity, requires some special gear/equipment, a true passion that absorbs people outside of their other commitments and obligations. Thanks for the wisdom from those who have been in my shoes or are currently in the same time-poor scenario.

To answer some of the questions:

I don't just stare at the walls or doomscroll. Often it's 7.30/8.00 by the time I get home after children's activities, so the remainder of the day is taken by talking to the children about their days, helping with homework, putting the younger one to bed, making lunches/packing bags for following day, dinner, shower, bit of life admin. Then it's time for bed.

My house is not spotless. I gave up on that years ago. I do the essentials during the week, and little more than that at the weekend.

I don't think I'm uninteresting or unfulfilled. I have a very varied working life, listen to radio/podcasts during the commute, love to travel and try new experiences, can hold conversations with a wide range of people in different settings.

Mumsnet as a hobby is an interesting one - I would say it's not, as it is usually just killing time in an awkward gap between meetings or waiting to pick up a child. Probably adds up to 20 mins a week, maximum.

Things I do regularly, including gym and walking, I had not considered as hobbies but maybe perform the same functions as others have listed - time to myself, decompression, distraction.

As a child I was given lots of opportunities to try activities (piano, tennis, dancing, local theatre group...I'm sure there were more). I didn't hate any of them, but never discovered a passion. I don't think I'm good at anything - I'm not musical, artistic, sporty...

Reflecting on everything that has been shared, maybe a way to frame things for myself is: If I had a week off work, unexpectedly, no obligations and with no judgement from others, what would I do?
I would probably do some travelling, exercise, reading, cooking/baking, maybe a spa day, coffee with friends. So perhaps these are my hobbies, or would become my hobbies in the future as and when time becomes available...

@BunTHoven there you go there.
You DO have plenty of "hobbies" 🙂

I tend to have fits and starts with hobbies, depending on how life is (busyness, exhaustion, depression all have an effect etc) I can go years not having any hobbies (unless watching tv counts 😅). I have loads at the moment. Life does feel better when I do, I feel more satisfied with life like I’m a more interesting, better person which makes me feel good. But that being said when I don’t have hobbies I cannot force myself if I have no interest there. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. So take the pressure off yourself and let one find you naturally when the tie is right and in the meantime just enjoy your rest when you can get it.

btw I have no clue why one bit came out bigger and bolder than the rest 🤔and I don't seem to be able to edit!

There's loads of threads with women complaining about their DH's very time consuming hobbies which they cannot reveal because it would be "too outing"!!

But we all know it's cycling or golf 🤷‍♀️

I think this is what started me thinking in the first place - I always find the secrecy perplexing, like they have such a niche hobby that a mention on here would instantly identify them.

That said, I think someone upthread implied that I have outed myself as the only woman in the UK with no hobbies...

I don't have a hobby. There's things I enjoy doing but I definitely wouldn't class them as a hobby... going for a walk, shopping, reading, cooking, baking, doing quizzes etc. These are just standard activities imo rather than hobbies. Perhaps it's because I'm neither sporty nor particularly creative and most hobbies seem to be one or the other

See? Now we all know you're Linda from number 33!!

@Comedycook no if you don't have to do those things and you only do them because you enjoy and want to do them.....
they are hobbies 🙂

No way! Perhaps I'm more interesting than I thought 😂

You have more more hobbies than I do

No hobbies here either, neither do my friends. My down time consists of a bath or shower and getting into bed with a cuppa at night.

Not quite. I was exaggerating to make a point. My point is it is too weird not to have hobbies. And the exaggeration was that nobody else is like that, only the OP.

That still makes no sense at all 😂

Watching TV or reading are not hobbies, neither are cooking, walking the dog or listening to music. They are pastimes.

A hobby, for me, involves a commitment of time, energy or money beyond the everyday. If you breed dogs or show dogs, if you play music in a band or run a classical music appreciation class, if you write a food blog or enter cakes into baking shows, that's a hobby.

Watching TV is not a hobby! Doing cosplay at Doctor Who conventions or visiting all the locations in Game of Thrones is a hobby.

Having a bubble bath is never a hobby!!!

That's very much your own made-up definition though. The OED says a pastime is: 'activity that someone does regularly for enjoyment; a hobby'. It says a hobby is: 'an activity done regularly for pleasure'. Based on that, watching tv and reading definitely fit the description.

By that definition, eating a Crunchie is a hobby. Picking your nose could be a hobby. Masturbation could be a hobby.

@MasterBeth in the big scheme of life does it matter if someone wants to call watching TV or doing crosswords their hobby?
It's their life. Not yours.

Of course it doesn't matter in the big scheme of life.

But in a Mumsnet thread about hobbies, it's kind of the point of the exercise.

I’ve just come back from a trip away with my hobby. I spent 5 nights away in Italy on a knitting retreat, having amazing food, cycling, enjoying dips in the sea and learning some new things as well as the company of some lovely women. There was little knitting done in the evening as we had lots of laughing, playing games and drinking but it was great we could talk about yarn, knitting patterns, colour as much as we liked. I hadn’t met any of them before either. I’m back home my cup is filled and I am happy to see my family. I knit on my commute into London, take it with me seeing family it’s very portable and soothing.

Yes but the OP was feeling something wasn't "right" because she felt she had no hobbies.
Myself and others on this thread have pointed out that she does actually have some hobbies.
Saying things like "oh that doesn't count" really doesn't help someone's self esteem.
Not everyone has the means to go out and take part in activities outside of their home. Activities done for pleasure at home are just as valid.
They ARE hobbies.

How are you helping the OP's self-esteem by misdefining what hobbies are? You're just going to make her look stupid if she goes around telling people her hobbies are having a bath and watching some telly.

The OP wasn't wrong in realising she had no hobbies. She was wrong in believing that that mattered.

You don't have to have some structured outside interest - a hobby - if you don't want one.