AIBU to think not everyone can be skinny?

[renovationqueen]

Just that really. I have lost about a stone and a half in the last couple of years, I've gone from 11 stone to 9 stone 7 but I just don't look slim.

My weight has always fluctuated quite a lot but the past year I've been really actively trying to lose weight. My weight loss has completely plateaued the last couple of months, despite being fairly active (15k steps a day) staying within a 500 calorie deficit nearly every day (bar occassional nights out) and cutting back to almost no alcohol.

I've definitely lost inches and I can fit in clothes that I couldn't before but I just don't look slim. I have a stocky build with big boobs and always had a belly and big arms and I'm starting to wonder if it is even worth it. I was just hoping that after all this effort I might be able to wear a sleeveless top and not feel enormous!

Do I just go back to eating the amount of calories it takes to stay on 'maintenance' and accept I'm never going to be thin? I just can't help feeling bitter that it's sooooo much work constantly thinking about calories and the results aren't what I was hoping for.

So it's just got me wondering AIBU to think that not everyone can look skinny and life just isn't fair or do I just need to be more patient?

Or maybe IABU to even care so much in the first place 😂

(I'm 29 years old and 5ft3 if this is relevent)

I am 5ft 3, natural weight when I was young and eating what I liked I was 9st 4, the lowest I have ever been was 7st 13 when I was depressed and not eating, but I looked awful and gaunt and wrinkled in the face, I was 37 and look better with some weight on. I am an apple and at any weight I have always had a tummy, it has never been flat.

I honestly don't believe you could look chunky.
You may not look skinny but definitely couldn't look chunky!

You're right op I agree. I'm 5ft 8 and have had bmi between 20 and 27. At my lowest weight I still looked chunky- round face and massive hip and leg bones. On the other hand, even at a bmi of 27 you could see my hip bones and ribs. We all carry weight differently.

If we accept that some people are naturally skinny then we have to accept that others are naturally large. Right?

I think everyone can be a healthy weight for their body type and circumstances, but ‘skinny’ isn’t really a goal I’d go for or really a good indication as every different body has a different shape and composition, so comparing actual bodies doesn’t really work.

I have just taken to buying larger flowing tops😁

It depends on your natural build. Some people look unwell when they're thinner, some people do not. The same goes for some people looking healthy at a higher weight, whilst others do not.

We're all different, and our bodies operate differently. Some people may need 1800 calories a day to maintain a weight, others may need more or less.

And in contrast, I'm a similar height to you and your gaunt, depression weight is my normal! It's unique to everyone.

I've got a rugby player's build and put on muscle easily. Doing ballet as a teenager was torture! The fashion for being a bit more muscular now suits me and I definitely feel better toned rather than trying to be skinny, even though I'm roughly the same size

I do think we understand how little very thin people eat

It takes a lot of hunger and restriction to be very slim

Most people who lose weight just end up a slimmer version of their natural body shape, because your bone structure and where you carry any fat you do have remains the same. So it's unrealistic to think if you're a rectangle or apple shape you're going to end up a pencil or hourglass. Best approach is to try to stay within your healthy weight range.

I'm the same height as you, OP, and I definitely didn't look slim at 9st7. Also have big boobs, belly diminishes at lower weights but never totally goes. The weight at which I look slimmish is round about the 9st mark, and I really don't look properly slim until I'm around 8st10. And how slim I look has a lot to do with muscle mass as much as weight - when I'm really toned, I look much better even at the same weight.

Everyone can be skinny. Your bmi is healthy but the top end of healthy. I don’t start looking ‘skinny’ until 21 and under. But that isn’t the look I want because I don’t look good skinny.

I’m a just over a stone more than you but nearly half a foot taller and I don’t look skinny. I’m definitely not fat but I have big hips & thighs and my chest is still GG. I imagine it would take me losing over a stone to look skinny.

Anyone could be slim/skinny just look at prisoners of war camps, previously huge hulking men reduced to sinew and jutting bones... their frames can be different and it may take some people longer to get tto that point and obviously it's not a healthy example but it can be done.

I don't want to be skinny or even slim tbh I just want to be strong, my son is 8 and whilst I can manage him now I really struggle to think how we will cope physically as he ages into teen boy era!

not really

It's also the attitude towards food. See on MN when people laugh at anyone eating a salad or a soup, but some people do treat food as nourishment first, while others must have "treat food" at every meal.

The average menu ideas given are telling: it's never a piece of fish or chicken with a bit of seasoning and some veg - which is a normal meal in many household, it has to be pasta and potatoes and melted cheese and sauce at every meal.

Some people will call it "restrictions", but others will feel it's the opposite of over-eating and it makes them feel awful.

The healthiest attitude about food is not to be too bothered about it. I honestly have no interest in a full English breakfast, it's not restriction, it's my taste.

I know what you mean. I’m 5’9 and even at my lowest weight of 8st 10lbs (obsessive food tracking and training hard 6 days a week) I had a belly. I’m a flat chested apple with a really wide rib cage so no matter what weight I am I never have that willowy “slim” look.

I’m 5ft 2in and would be very happy to weigh 9st 7. However I have a large frame. There is nothing small or slight about me other than my height. Wide shoulders and hips, large hands and feet. I’m an hour glass with long legs relative to my torso and gain (and lose) weight evenly all over so can carry a bit of extra without looking too bad.

Shape is relevant to how skinny you will look.

I'm the same height and similar weight to my friend, but she always looks bigger than me because our shape is totally different. She's very busty, short waisted with long slender legs, whereas I'm small bust, long waisted with short chunky legs. I tend to always look slimmer because I carry my weight on my bum and legs, not my torso, she carries all her weight around her middle, which is harder to disguise.

Typically, I envy her for having shapely legs rather than tree trunks, she envies me for my waistline 🙄

YABU for using the word skinny to mean slim. Anyone who tries to be skinny is by definition aiming to be underweight and unhealthy. Your goal should be an optimal BMI for health reasons, nothing lower.

Well I know Wallace Sumpson was famous for her " you can never be too rich or too thin."quotation.
But I was a teenager in the Twiggy era and her type of skinninesss was generally looked upon as quite shocking among my contemporaries and certainly not something we aspired to.

I think what you are probably looking for is being lean rather than skinny.

what exercise do you do? If you want lean muscle you need to weight train.

i would recommend Growingannanas and Caroline Girvan.

I'm your height and have recently lost weight so have monitored each stone as I've reached it. At 9.7 I was still a size 12 which isn't 'slim'.

I needed another stone off to feel slim. The bmi range is quite wide. Maybe someone can advise why that is.

I could go as low as another stone off, and still be in my range but I know for a fact , I'd look scrawny etc.

No I've never been skinny! Always a chunk, even as a baby! I think you're right it's just constant pressure not to be 'fat'. The body positivity movement seems to have fallen by the wayside recently too which doesn't help.
Thank you so much xx

I needed another stone off to feel slim. The bmi range is quite wide. Maybe someone can advise why that is.

Because frame sizes vary. Not everyone’s skeleton is exactly the same size, not everyone has a tiny birdlike frame.

I was slim my whole life, the past few years and menopause has been cruel to me ( and the sweets, cakes etc). A couple of years ago I worked my ass off and denied myself the aforementioned goodies for 3 months. To no avail 😱.
I have made my peace (ish)with this new me.
Now I just want to be fitter and care less about not being as slim.
I think the older you get a wee bit extra looks better than being too skinny

When you see those photos with people who are the same weight and height side by side you release how much we all vary. It’s not just about body composition, build, muscle v fat etc. some of it is just people carrying weight differently!