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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so disappointed with best friend

67 replies

myrecordplayersfecked · 04/06/2025 12:50

Who is also my first cousin in a close family dynamic .
Long complicated story cut short, we and several other family members own a home by the sea in the south of England.
we vacation together every year , our kids bond well and we always have fun. We combine our weeks holidays and share our home with each other and each others kids.

this year there is confusion with dates and my cousin is furious as she has booked leave. This was entirely an oversight on her behalf. She basically got her dates for the beach house wrong.
she has now said that she is not going to the beach house at all as she is so unhappy with the dates and mix up. Even though she could vacation there for the new dates, easily.
This year the dates were unlucky for her in that she will not get to be there for a significant family event but could make alternate arrangements. Its the way the weeks have fallen and not in her favour.

I understand her frustration but am
deeply disappointed as we always holiday together and our kids play together plus I am a divorcee with one child so it’s always been lovely to be surrounded by family and develop those bonds.
I am hurt and disappointed and my initial reaction has also been how selfish she is being while acknowledging that she owes me nothing.
I feel that if she doesn’t go and we don’t vacation together that that may signal the end of the vacation relationship which I would miss very much as would our kids.
I feel let down. AIBU.

OP posts:

Darragon · 04/06/2025 12:52

Are you all flying over from America OP? Because you say "vacation" a lot. I'm just thinking this is a much bigger trip if it involves long-haul flights and also employers in the US are different about booking annual leave so she might be disappointed herself that she maybe can't re-book her time off work? I'd cut her some slack she probably feels rubbish about the whole situation.

Keepingongoing · 04/06/2025 13:11

It’s disappointing for you all, but you’re just talking about this summer. Why does this incident signal the end of your holidays with this best friend/cousin forever?

I think you’re jumping to conclusions over something that genuinely seems to have been a mistake on your best friend’s part. You could make the best of it for this year, and tell her you really hope she can make it next year.

1StrawberryDaiquiri · 04/06/2025 13:24

I don't understand the story at all.

she is so unhappy with the dates and mix up. Even though she could vacation there for the new dates, easily.
obviously not that easily if she's that unhappy?

that that may signal the end of the vacation relationship
why? Does it need to be so extreme?

I feel we are missing out so many details that would explain why the 2 of you seem to be making a huge drama out of nothing

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 13:28

I really don't get it, sorry. She's mixed up her dates, will miss the family event but can still use the house? So why is that such an issue for your relationship?

dudsville · 04/06/2025 13:28

I think there are enough details here to make this too public a forum for what should be a good discussion between such good friends.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/06/2025 13:29

You’ve missed some story off here. Weird that she’s told you it’d be really easy for her to change her leave but yet she’s too angry to do it. Everyone sounds just a bit dramatic

CourageConsort · 04/06/2025 13:30

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 13:28

I really don't get it, sorry. She's mixed up her dates, will miss the family event but can still use the house? So why is that such an issue for your relationship?

This. I mean, I'm assuming there's some kind of big backstory that would be unnecessarily identifying on a public forum, but it does seem like a huge overreaction to someone mixing up their dates.

Original poster

myrecordplayersfecked · 04/06/2025 13:30

. She thought she was due to go to the beach house on the 1st of July.
.
Her dates were actually from the 8th of July.
. This means that she will not be at the beach house for a family event.

.She is free to go on the dates she wrongly booked but they are not as attractive to her.

.our kids will be very disappointed as they spend their vacations together , especially my daughter as she has no one to play with now.

OP posts:

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 04/06/2025 13:32

So why are you "so disappointed"? She made a mistake.

Oh well. This year will be different. You'll all cope.

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 13:32

So what would she like you or anyone else to do about this?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/06/2025 13:32

myrecordplayersfecked · 04/06/2025 13:30

. She thought she was due to go to the beach house on the 1st of July.
.
Her dates were actually from the 8th of July.
. This means that she will not be at the beach house for a family event.

.She is free to go on the dates she wrongly booked but they are not as attractive to her.

.our kids will be very disappointed as they spend their vacations together , especially my daughter as she has no one to play with now.

So why are you so mad? She doesn’t owe your daughter a play date. It’s disappointing things haven’t worked out but that’s it. You are over reacting

Exasperated24 · 04/06/2025 13:32

Yabu. It’s not your cousin’s responsibility to facilitate your life.

WayneEyre · 04/06/2025 13:33

Or what would you like her to do about it?

Azandme · 04/06/2025 13:34

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/06/2025 13:32

So why are you so mad? She doesn’t owe your daughter a play date. It’s disappointing things haven’t worked out but that’s it. You are over reacting

Show quote history

This. Your anger makes no sense!

evtheria · 04/06/2025 13:37

I get why she feels frustrated (though should be with herself, for mixing up dates), and why you both would feel disappointed on missing out family time together… but why are you so mad?!

You both sound overly dramatic about this.

Terrribletwos · 04/06/2025 13:38

You say in your original post Op that she's being selfish but if she's made a mistake with the dates that's surely forgivable?

The fact that your kid will have no one to play with is not really her concern and I am sure you will manage.

1StrawberryDaiquiri · 04/06/2025 13:39

myrecordplayersfecked · 04/06/2025 13:30

. She thought she was due to go to the beach house on the 1st of July.
.
Her dates were actually from the 8th of July.
. This means that she will not be at the beach house for a family event.

.She is free to go on the dates she wrongly booked but they are not as attractive to her.

.our kids will be very disappointed as they spend their vacations together , especially my daughter as she has no one to play with now.

so she thought she was going on the 1st, she thought she was going to the family event

but she would be missing it, so she's going elsewhere instead? or not going or whatever?
That kind of make sense if she wanted to go for the main event?

my daughter as she has no one to play with now
then I am sorry, but that's your job to plan activities for her and entertain her. It's a lot more work than letting kids play on their own, but that's being a parent.

Are you just miffed because your best friend is not prioritising you but she was looking forward to the family event?

I am hurt and disappointed and my initial reaction has also been how selfish she is being are you sure SHE is the selfish one here?

nomas · 04/06/2025 13:43

I don’t understand why she can’t change her dates? Is her annual leave locked in now? Has she bought non-refundable travel tickets?

Having said that, if she has decided not to come then YABU, she is an adult capable of making her own decisions, that doesn’t make her selfish. It’s not her or her children’s job to be your entertainment.

I think it’s time to broaden your friend circle, it’s not good to put all your friendship eggs in one basket.

I’d also be wondering if there’s anything you’re doing that could be annoying her on these holidays.

How are costs and cooking and chores split? Does anyone get lumped with doing more or paying more than their fair share?

Juiceinacup · 04/06/2025 13:46

This year has been mixed up because of an error but what if in the future she just didn’t want to go at the same time as you or wanted to use her leave to go somewhere else? You sound overly invested in this annual get together, surely lives change over time and that’s not a reason to fall out with people. What if you wanted to do things differently in the future would you think it reasonable for her to be miffed at you and feel you had let her down?

CourageConsort · 04/06/2025 13:46

The reason for your anger and disappointment is still mysterious. She made a mistake. She doesn't want to come for the dates she's actually booked in for.

Tbh, it's not exactly rare with a shared family holiday home to have mix-ups and disagreements. Some friends of mine have a shared family chalet in the Swiss Alps, and it's a perennial soap opera -- who gets it when, whether another set of family members can stay at the same time, if there are sufficient bedrooms free, the way in which it's shut up and left after a stay etc etc.

ExtraOnions · 04/06/2025 13:59

She’s a bit upset about something, that’s ok, she’s allowed to be. You are making it into a bigger issue than it is. Just leave it

Shoxfordian · 04/06/2025 14:01

If you can't holiday together this time then it's not the end of the world, just organise it better next year or do something else with her

Nobody needs to be angry with anyone

Original poster

myrecordplayersfecked · 04/06/2025 14:07

We had organised our holiday to be together so while I can see I’m being selfish , it seems too late to organise something else with anyone else and my daughter will be bored silly as well as being very siappointed .

OP posts:

mrsm43s · 04/06/2025 14:09

If she's not able/willing to change her dates, why don't you change your dates, since you think it's so easy to do? And then your two families can have the holiday together that you want to have.

I'm guessing you aren't prepared to do that, even though it's what you're expecting her to do, and you seem more invested in/have more need for the combined family holiday.

I can't imagine that she'd be angry or refuse to go if you went together on the dates she already thought you were going together on.

LIZS · 04/06/2025 14:13

When is this event and what is its significance? Could either of you swap dates, even just a few nights, to overlap?

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