To be so disappointed with best friend

[myrecordplayersfecked]

Who is also my first cousin in a close family dynamic .
Long complicated story cut short, we and several other family members own a home by the sea in the south of England.
we vacation together every year , our kids bond well and we always have fun. We combine our weeks holidays and share our home with each other and each others kids.

this year there is confusion with dates and my cousin is furious as she has booked leave. This was entirely an oversight on her behalf. She basically got her dates for the beach house wrong.
she has now said that she is not going to the beach house at all as she is so unhappy with the dates and mix up. Even though she could vacation there for the new dates, easily.
This year the dates were unlucky for her in that she will not get to be there for a significant family event but could make alternate arrangements. Its the way the weeks have fallen and not in her favour.

I understand her frustration but am
deeply disappointed as we always holiday together and our kids play together plus I am a divorcee with one child so it’s always been lovely to be surrounded by family and develop those bonds.
I am hurt and disappointed and my initial reaction has also been how selfish she is being while acknowledging that she owes me nothing.
I feel that if she doesn’t go and we don’t vacation together that that may signal the end of the vacation relationship which I would miss very much as would our kids.
I feel let down. AIBU.

Why can’t you change your dates to join her?

So you're disappointed you won't be able to foist your daughter off on to someone else to entertain?

Fucks sake OP, she's your daughter. You entertain her! Take her to the beach, play games, visit local tourist attractions, go out for ice cream and cake, buy souvenirs.

What do you do at home?

Why cant she change her dates?
This was an accident so why are you taking it personally?
This makes no sense.

I swear some of these threads seem to be started out of boredom - this seems like such a non-issue - unless I’m missing something!

WHY should your daughter be bored silly? She has her mother doesn't she?

Unless I missed something and you have to work for several hours every day over there?

Kids love it when they have all their parents attention and you take them to kids places.

Sorry, but I don't think it's your friend's responsibility to have a holiday with you every year of her life just to entertain your daughter.

There was a mix-up and it really isn't a big deal. Why are you being so incredibly dramatic about this?

This all sounds very dramatic OP. So she’s messed up the dates and will need to change her leave dates, go on the other date or not go at all. Why is any of it such a big deal? And your child should be able to entertain herself at the seaside without an issue. If you blow this up out of all proportion you will lose the friendship, but it will be as a result of your actions.

Leave it up to your cousin to find a solution that works for her.

So can neither of you move your dates now at all?

Agree with this!

I assume the beach house is booked by other family members on the 1st? Are you there from the 1st? Could some of you double up to make room? Or someone stay in a hotel or B&B just for the nights and all be together in the days? Or could you go from the 8th? There is usually some solution to these sort of problems, with a bit of compromising.

How is your cousin being "selfish" if she messed up the booking dates by accident? Those two things do not juxtapose. Either she booked those dates purposefully (in which case an argument could be made for selfishness if she didn't want to vacation with you) or she booked those dates accidentally, in which case quite literally she can't be "selfish" as she didn't know she was booking the wrong dates at the time. Unless you're trying to argue that she was being selfish by... making a mistake?

You also honestly sound more angry that YOU are going to be alone and not "surrounded" by family this vacation. You don't actually sound like you're that upset about your child not having their friends/cousins around. YOU are the one who is being selfish. Your family's vacations do not exist only to keep you company and make you feel happy and surrounded by family.

I think you should all go on separate dates and holidays tbh to make the most of the holiday home.

but as there’s been a mix up why don’t you all meet up again on a different date as well this year? Or why don’t you change your dates to the same as your cousin.

Can your daughter take a friend?

Well, that's not really your cousin's problem. Presumably you're there to play with your child, go on outings, whatever.

You just sound annoyed at having to do that, honestly. Being bored once in a while is OK anyway.

I still don’t understand this at all!

She was meant to go on 8th together with you, and there is also a family event at that time. So presumably there are other family members going with you at that day?

She had accidentally booked 8 July when no one else will be there?

She could change to the 1st July but somehow doesn’t want to and is annoyed?

I don’t understand- can someone explain to me?

Why will your dd be bored? Won’t the whole “close” family be there? Or maybe you’ll have to entertain her yourself?

And please, I beg you, if you’re not American, stop saying vacation.

You seem to want it all your way.

Surely your daughter could bring a friend, or play with the local kids/other tourist kids? Or just play on her own with you? I'm an only child and I was never bored or lonely on holiday.

You can't hate on your cousin because you claim your daughter won't have a playmate? That just sounds petty and bizarre.

Why should she fall out with you or vice versa?

Your dates don't match up this year. You won't change yours, she won't change hers and you are both pissed off with each other. Grow up.

No wonder the dates and gatherings went tits up, there is no sense of clarity in your posts.

It was bound to happen someday.

Why would she be bored silly? Do you and your daughter not like each other? Or do you plan on ignoring her all week?

So it will be just you & your daughter in a house near a beach.

Why will your daughter be bored?

I don't understand this either.
Can you explain it a bit better please?

She made a mistake with the dates. That's unfortunate. She has booked leave for the wrong week. But then you write:
she has now said that she is not going to the beach house at all as she is so unhappy with the dates and mix up. Even though she could vacation there for the new dates, easily.

So how can she go on holiday there "easily" if she's booked leave for the other week.

It all seems over the top and dramatic so there must be something else going on here.

Why won’t she change her dates?
Why won’t you change yours?
Why will your daughter be “bored silly”? I take my own children away (just two of us) all the time, and they’ve always loved the quality time we get together. The only way she will be “bored” is if she’s left to her own devices. There’s loads to do on the South Coast, that you can do together. You’d be better off starting a thread asking for ideas. Apologies if I missed it, but how old is she? I went to Weymouth with my daughter last year, and we had a great time.

Do you think she might be lying about getting the dates wrong and she has done this on purpose? Why would she do that?