Surrogacy in Mexico

[courageiscontagious]

I want LGBTQ people to have families but I am so conflicted about things like this. This article barely mentions the women that are pregnant. It also really grinds my gears when couples clearly value their own genetic ties (eg here it’s two men who by design will be the genetic parent of one child each who share the same genetic mother) but apparently don’t think their child’s genetic ties and sense of identity matter as much. They’ve chosen for their children to never know their genetic mother, and they’ve also chosen for their children to have genetic half siblings.

surely if genetic ties are important- then the children’s best interests should override the parents wishes? If you were the child in that situation wouldn’t you prefer to know your mother? And failing that, for your sibling to be a full sibling and not a half sibling?

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2025/06/03/lgbtq-fertility-ivf-family-planning/83942271007/

I want to be feeling like this is good but it really rubs me the wrong way when they approach these things from an LGBTQ perspective only, glossing over the women and children in the story and what might be best for them.

this story is about how expensive it is. Should it be cheap to rent people to grow babies for you?

thats my rant, please point me to some literature that will educate me so I can get behind this and go back to being a better LGBTQ ally.

That does sound like it would be the answer wouldn’t it.

A lesbian couple and Gay couple co parent / family together. A bio parent in each home with legal rights and responsibilities though I guess the non bio would have zero rights which isn’t what is wanted by that side of the couple.

Then I guess despite being 100% planned your almost in blender family territory of a child who never has a “home” split between two houses and two parents constantly with the added factor of one mum and one dad who have been there since day one and made the plans with the bios could suddenly be gone with zero rights or responsibilities much like a step parent.

Yep, same one I was referring to as well. I worked with them briefly on a project and let’s just say it was eye opening.

I hated clicking a DM link as well but couldn’t see another outlet that had covered it 😬

The selfishness knows no bounds with these wealthy men.

I don’t really see why commercial surrogacy is seen as any different to buying organs. If someone is dying, if it’s life or death, and they need a liver transplant, the vast majority of people would view it as completely unethical and exploitative for them to go to a poor country, and pay someone for part of their liver. But why is that not ok if surrogacy is? It’s saving a life, so wonderful benefits. Yes there are risks of donating, but pregnancy and birth carry risks too. Why isn’t that ok, but renting a womb is? I imagine a part of that difference is because men could be exploited for their livers, whereas surrogacy is “just” women’s bodies.

And that’s before considering the effect on the child.

Reply deleted as misunderstood post.

I am...so ... Shocked....

No, she means wealthy women being the surrogate. Not wealthy women using a surrogate.

@wordywitchi don’t know why but it bothers me that couple are having a third child via surrogacy.

bad enough to do this because you are desperate to be a parent, but for a third?!

thats my rant, please point me to some literature that will educate me so I can get behind this and go back to being a better LGBTQ ally.

I'll never understand why women don't think it's important to be allies to women. 🙄

@TheKeatingFive totally agree. Still as long as the Mexicans can pay off some debt alls good right?!

Any other situation

"How can I possibly stay in with the cool kids, when I am seeing the cool kids being nasty bastards and I don't like it and feel I should say something?"

"Pick your friends better."

Substitute for LGBTQ:
"How can I be an ally whilst turning a blind eye to abhorent behaviour?"

"Tell them to pack in the abhorent behaviour so they can be better people. Their identity is irrelevant. Why do you want to associate yourself with exploitative practices such as human trafficking and exploitation?"

I do wish people would stop being spineless sheep because they want the street cred with their mates.

Remember everyone else thinks you are a dick if you hang out with the bullies at school.

Yep. And they were gloating on social media about having their surrogate undergo amniocentesis to ensure their accessory baby doesn’t have any undesirable disabilities or medical conditions. 🙄

Exactly. I think it's OK to disagree with it but calling it 'vile' is a bit of a stretch. I find it strange that apparently women can do whatever they like with their own bodies... until it's something people don't agree with. Then it's 'vile'...
As I see it, relying on a (random) woman to carry a child is no different to relying on a (random) man to help create one. Perfectly OK to 'use' him in those circumstances... 🤔

You think there is an equivalence to the male and female experience from conception to birth? Really? A man's role creating and during pregnancy is equal to a woman's? I disagree.

A man ejaculating to create a baby comes with zero health risks and takes seconds. Not comparable with pregnancy, birth, and postpartum at all. Asking a woman (often poor and desperate for money) to risk her life, health and existing children’s welfare for wealthy men willing to exploit her for a full year of her life or more, with the resulting emotional and physical scars that experience can leave, is hardly like asking a man to jizz in a cup.

As you're fully entitled to.

No, in physical terms, they're not the same, obviously, but they are similar in principle. We can't be all up in arms about a consenting female agreeing to carry a child (which makes it none of anyone's business!) but have no issue with a man consenting to provide sperm (tho, again, none of anyone's business!). I mean, without him, there IS no child for the woman to carry...

Massive generalisation to say that women who offer themselves as surrogates are often 'poor and desperate for money'. Oftentimes the agreement is between friends and family members who want to help those they love.

1. it doesn't completely rule out disabilities
2. it carries a risk itself
3. what happens if the baby does have a problem? Is the woman contractually obliged to have an abortion? If she doesn't do they get to walk away and not financially support? (this wouldn't happen in a natural conception so why should it for a surrogate pregnancy).

It is absolutely ridiculous to suggest that these are in any way equivalent

Not remotely ridiculous to suggest they are similar in principle: to offer up part of your body (whether it's uterus, eggs or sperm) to enable someone else to have a family.
I take it then that it's something you'd never do for a loved one? You know, since it's so abhorrent...

No it absolutely is. One requires a risk free procedure that's over in minutes.

The other is basically renting a woman's body for 9 months, at significant cost to her in that period, physically and mentally - and a risk of longer term damage and even death.

Having put my body through pregnancy twice, I definitely wouldn't do it. And that's before we even get into the child's rights in all of this.

Wealthy European men are not using friends and family as surrogates though are they? They’re using poor Mexican women they’ve never met before.

It’s utterly different. There’s no bodily risk to the man involved in donating sperm or having sex with a woman is there?

Yes, I know. And those are bad people. It's Mexico, the land of organised crime and drug cartels.

That doesn't, however, make surrogacy universally 'vile' however as many on here are claiming.

I agree. Nobody has the right to a child, they have to accept childlessness as many people did for centuries - some having jolly good and fulfilling lives too. Surrogacy, egg and sperm donation, are vile. It's all about 'me, me, me'.