Surrogacy in Mexico

[courageiscontagious]

I want LGBTQ people to have families but I am so conflicted about things like this. This article barely mentions the women that are pregnant. It also really grinds my gears when couples clearly value their own genetic ties (eg here it’s two men who by design will be the genetic parent of one child each who share the same genetic mother) but apparently don’t think their child’s genetic ties and sense of identity matter as much. They’ve chosen for their children to never know their genetic mother, and they’ve also chosen for their children to have genetic half siblings.

surely if genetic ties are important- then the children’s best interests should override the parents wishes? If you were the child in that situation wouldn’t you prefer to know your mother? And failing that, for your sibling to be a full sibling and not a half sibling?

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2025/06/03/lgbtq-fertility-ivf-family-planning/83942271007/

I want to be feeling like this is good but it really rubs me the wrong way when they approach these things from an LGBTQ perspective only, glossing over the women and children in the story and what might be best for them.

this story is about how expensive it is. Should it be cheap to rent people to grow babies for you?

thats my rant, please point me to some literature that will educate me so I can get behind this and go back to being a better LGBTQ ally.

Surrogacy is vile. Nothing to do with being an ally FFS. You clearly know instinctively that it's wrong so why are you trying to convince yourself it's not? To be an 'ally'? 🙄

Not what you want to hear maybe - i felt very similar until becoming a mother and birthing children myself.
it fundamentally changes your understanding of what it is to have a baby and be a mother.
You also likely dont understand the actually realities and risks of pregnancies. They come at a nonmonetisable health-cost to your body.

i have realised how problematic and morally wrong surrogacy is.

I was also surprised to find i particularly disagree with gay men creating babies via surrogacy which really surprised me because im not homophonic.
My issue it turns out is with their maleness not their gayness.

Dads aren't maternal surprise!
When i look at all the nice MC families we know. The dads are "good" because the mothers supported them / helped them / taught them.
My dh is a great dad to our toddler and baby. We both agree, He plus his cloned twin with no influence from a mother would be pretty crap at raising kids.

That's not to say I dont think there are gay men out there who cannot raise kids well... i just think thry are the exception not the rule and it shouldn't be normalised.

If you already have kids i cant help because like... how can you agree with surrogacy having done it yourself and having since first hand the risks.
Its exploitation of vulnerable poor women
If surrogacy was so fucking great millionaire would be liking up round the block not impoverished women in Ukraine and India.

The fees for their agency, donor, surrogates and other medical fees tallied $118,295,

So Surrogates PLURAL for 118k USD which is about £85k (half of which at least is agency and medical fees) and they want to moan about the cost?

Sorry, but that's the kind of misogyny only men can afford.

There is no form of surrogacy that doesnt want banning. It's vile. I'd go as far to liken it to using a sex worker in the fact you can't buy consent.

Being an LGBTQ ally doesn't mean blindly agreeing with anything someone LGBTQ does.

Surrogacy is horrific IMO. Both from the perspective of purchasing the use of a usually impoverished woman's body at significant risk to her, and generally disregarding her role (calling her a 'carrier' etc), and the impact on the child (it's obviously not surrogacy but my DH was adopted at birth and it's affected him so much through his life with attachment issues, to me it's just fucking selfish to deliberately do that to a kid just for your desire for a child)

Yeah I find it really distasteful to complain about the cost.

who do they think should be funding this? Should they be able to pay these surrogates less?

this article is alllllll about their wishes/challenges/sense of inequity. There are other people this is happening to but what might be best for them isn’t considered.

Totally. I was for surrogacy until I had a baby and realised how primal and important that mother child bond is, especially for a tiny baby.

I am more on board with altruistic surrogacy, but this is exploitation.

it annoys me that they talk about equality when it comes to fertility treatments- they aren’t infertile.

If I ruled the world, all forms of surrogacy would be banned. Just because something is possible doesn't mean we should do it. The desires of the people who want to commission a baby are far less important than the known risks to the baby and the mother. This applies in all cases, regardless of the sex and sexuality of the commissioning parent(s). Nothing homophobic about it.

You don’t know that, he could change if he had to do it. My friend at work is raising 2 girls, nothing not around, he’s doing a good job. I also know a gay couple who adopted and they’ve done a great job, well adjusted and happy kids.

Today, one of the couple's surrogate is 18 weeks along and the other nine weeks - from the article.

They are deliberately having two children nine weeks apart?! This whole thing is so self-centred and indulgent. “Price of everything and value of nothing” comes to mind.

they Explained this on their instagram. It’s so it’s fair- they’re both dads at the same time, so they only have to travel and go through it all once (I think they have to stay in Mexico for a certain amount of time to get the babies passports etc) and for them to grow up together.

it just … doesn’t even mimic a normal family structure? They’re not twins. They’ll spend their lives explaining themselves to people

Genuinely asking but why is surrogacy vile? I suppose it's easier so say it is vile and should be banned when you've never been unable to conceive and desperate for a child that is genetically yours but if the birth mother is informed and consenting and the perspective parents are too, what is it that is vile?

All the comments on their instagram are people cheering them on and sending them registry gifts. No one seems to have a problem with it?

The child can’t consent, it just happens to them

Agree. It’s not about them being men. Plenty of gay and/or single men are fantastic parents.

Reproductive exploitation of impoverished women just stinks no matter who’s doing it.

Oh dear god I just read the article properly. Are they seriously arguing that their costs should be covered??

Get tae feck mate

Following with interest, previously resd many threads on surrogacy, the only decision i came to is that potentially
Altruistic, possibly for a family member to conceive for another who is unable to have children. Even that can have its problems.
What i also know now is that my son is gay. Only early 20s at present. His boyfriend also, like my son is very family orientated. They have agreed to be exclusive, which they tell me is not particularly the case amongst gay men. Then my son in passing, mentioned surrogacy, i feel really conflicted, whilst i understand the desire for a biological child, my stronger feelings are so against surrogacy. I also have a huge issue with adoption that its seen as a default, appreciate that may be the case, but it takes people who WANT to be qdoptive parents and working with a child who has potentially experienced trauma can be extremely demanding. I worked professionally with children at risk so am fully aware of the issues.
I think so far is to start the conversation early. Though not an easy one and sons partner (whether his current one or another) may see me as interferring.

Does any child consent? A baby born to any couple doesn't consent to be conceived or born.

I know a lesbian couple who conceived their children with a gay couple and they all kind of parent together. I can’t think of another way for a gay man to have a biological child that doesn’t involve exploiting someone.

I can. Where the birth mother is informed and consenting. Therefore she's not being exploited surely?

Because pregnancy is dangerous. Women die. Your body is permanently altered. I don’t just mean child birth injuries but stuff like high blood pressure, diabetes (if you develop those). I also think gestating a child a selling it is absolutely abhorrent.

Do you see ordinary European women being surrogates. Nope (unless so called altruistic).

Because it's risking a woman's life/health and the happiness of her baby? Surely that's obvious. I can't have kids and am reconciled with that - I could afford a surrogate but I'd never put a child through surrogacy based on my adopted husband's experience and the enduring issues we've had to deal with

It's not all about what the prospective parents want.

I follow this organisation.

https://surrogacyconcern.uk

In this specific instance - can you not see why some people might consider it vile for two wealthy american men to travel to Mexico to pay poor women the absolute minimum to go through pregnancy and childbirth for them?

I don’t see how anyone can support that. It’s so transparently exploitative. I do generally have huge sympathy for parents who can’t conceive - not the two in this article though as their attitude is so gross and entitled.

All commercial surrogacy, especially international surrogacy, needs banned everywhere. Altruistic surrogacy can be really lovely though.

Bloody hell, what do they think would be an acceptable payment for renting a women’s uterus for 9 months if that is apparently too expensive?