DP playing up on family with my parents, don’t think there is any way back

[SunandSea2]

Edited to say typo in subject, meant to say playing up on holiday!

I’ve recently got back from a week long holiday with my DP and my parents - in the UK, we stayed on the same site with separate accommodation. We spent some of the days doing stuff with each other and about 50% of the evenings where we’d host and cook for each other.

All fine until about the mid way point where DP was in a constant mood (my parents had noticed this too and mentioned it to me privately).

Main issues:

-On a night we hosted, he didn’t help me with cooking at all as previously agreed, didn’t wash up, and just sat on the sofa drinking.

-After the meal, I asked him to help with the washing up. He laughed and said my Mum would help (in front of her).

-Inappropriate comments whilst we were all watching TV - said about a woman on a quiz show that ‘I bet single men wouldn’t mind dating them. By them, I mean her tits’. Another comment about a female presenter and how he bets she’s had a ‘load of cock’.

-He apologised profusely the next morning for his behaviour and blamed alcohol. He proceeded to be in a mood again that day and when we went on a walk, he was moaning about how boring it was and that he doesn’t know how my parents visit this area every year (it’s somewhere sentimental to them).

-We had a night with just us two that evening - again he started drinking early. He kept going on about wanting a drink at the on site bar which I wasn’t keen on but eventually relented on the basis it would just be one and then we’d go back for dinner. We had a drink and he wanted another - so he went up to the bar. 10 minutes later he hadn’t returned - it was busy but not that busy. Anyway, I’d had my back to the bar and turned around and he was nowhere to be seen. Crap signal so couldn’t get hold of him. I went to the bar to ask if they’d seen him and they basically said oh yeah he had been asked to leave.

-I went back to our accommodation and DP wasn’t there. He appeared 10 minutes after with a bag of beer from the off licence. He said he had been asked to leave for making a comment about the barmaids inflated lips and that they (the staff) need to cheer up. I questioned him further and he eventually admitted he’d made a remark about BJ’s.

I went to stay with my parents after this, we went home the day after and he has been apologising ever since but I feel angry and humiliated and can’t see a way past this.

We've been together 3 years, he has had the odd excessive drinking session but never anything this bad and never around my family. I just feel so hurt by it all.

Does anyone think there’s a way back from this or is it over when something like this happens?

Well done for leaving and not making excuses for him, he sounds like an utter catch.

How embarrassing.

Dump him, he's an idiot.

Like others have said he’s shown his true colours. It was too long a time for him to hold it in and like the manchild he is because at times he found things a bit boring instead of making an effort he got drunk and grumpy. The comments to women and about women are nothing to do with beer - that’s just him being a sexist pig.

Imagine if you have a baby with him. Babies are boring. That will be his cue to sit on the sofa drinking and being grumpy! He may well sit there telling you how such and such an actress has great tits, arse etc etc - no doubt just as you are feeling like a tired unattractive drudge at home looking after baby. He’ll likely also go out with mates leaving you all the grunt work so he can get drunk and make awful comments to women directly. If you moan you will be a nag that drives him to drink… and do he’ll get worse and worse

It isn’t the awful beer - it is the awful him. Walk away now!

He sounds absolutely AWFUL! Your parents must feel devastated you are with such a drunken disrespectful, misogynistic moron, he sounds like an incel. End your relationship based on the fact he ihas already ruined 3 years, and you can not waste the rest of your life with this toad.

I think this is the start not the end, despite what he says. You’ll have to settle for this. Please don’t do it to yourself. I had a lifetime of supporting a man like this. They don’t change. It’s not worth it. You’ll only live with regret.

Sounds like a horrible person. There is no excuse.
The unwanted trip with your parents was the straw that broke the camels back but actually he is just showing you who he really is.

This relationship should be over

This is so true. Every family event you’ll be waiting for his mask to slip, nervous, anxious. Your friends will clock it - if they haven’t already - and will start avoiding you.
summer is here. Sling this one back in the sea, get some perspective back and go out with your mates.
3 years is a decent length of time, but it doesn’t mean you stay for the next 23 years.

Alcohol doesn’t create this kind of person. He is that person, the alcohol just makes the mask slip.

He is a misogynist. Dump him.

He might do his share of the chores now, but I bet the second you have kids that would go out of the window.

He only keeps his sexist shit in when he's sober because you're not yet trapped.

Even if he says he'll stop drinking, I'd advise you to break up permanently. There's no saying he'd stick to it, and it's not alcohol creating these gross views.

He’s a disrespectful pig. What a nasty excuse of a person. My jaw literally dropped when you relayed what he said about women on the tv in front of your parents.

this was just the first of your shit holidays with him. Shit christmasses, shit family weddings. Walking on eggshells as you watch him head for the bar.

The thing that makes the most difference to your happiness in life is the person you choose to share it with. Please think hard about that because all the times that other people look forward to over the year will be a massive source of stress for you. What will he say? How much will he drink? Who will he hurt?

Please bin him off and tell your parents and mates you’ve done it so they can stop worrying about you.

His behaviour was repulsive and his comments about women were utterlly disgusting. He has completely shown himself up in front of your parents.

I don't think that there is a way back from this. He has shown his true self and you can do so much better.

Leave him. How unattractive can one person become. He is rude, alcoholic and letching on other women. Run for the hills.

This ^^

I suspect he tells his drinking pals all sorts of personal details about your body when you aren't there.

He is a sexist, misogynistic pig.

Wow. He has shown his true colours here. He is a misogynistic prick. Basically a sex pest.
This is who he is.
End things now.
He will not change.
How many more ‘incidents’ do you need to witness?
I feel for your parents. Will they ever be able to return here, knowing the bar staff may link them the pervert who had to be thrown out?
This is who he is and he is not your project to fix.

Leave him. Honestly he's not worth making your life hard over. Don't place your precious future in his hands xxx

look at his attitude to women @SunandSea2

in vino veritas.

Not assuming you know this phrase, but it means when someone drinks they show their truth

so this is what he thinks of women, that they can be treated like this, like skivvies, to be sexually abused and used and otherwise of no tangible value to him.

are you actually going to ever shag this bloke again? How has this not given you the humongous ICK? How can you possibly settle for a future with him now? Knowing who he really is? What he really thinks of women. When sober Is he thinking these thoughts about you? Your friends? That level of misogyny doesn’t just appear when there’s alcohol involved, it’s there all the time.

he is an insult to your intelligence. It’s only 3 years, time to cut this short and focus on finding someone you deserve and who is good enough for you.

seriously, he’s got to go.

he won’t ever change, he will only ever get worse.

I’d be embarrassed to tell my family that I hadn’t dumped him tbh. Just get rid, god he’s awful. The way he spoke would have put me right off him even if it were just me and him. He’s giving me the ick through the internet.

If I thought for even one second that my DP had made comments like that to a woman in a bar, he’d be out on his ear. For that alone, I’d get rid of him.

He sounds like a pig but going away with your in laws is hardly a relaxing holiday is it. But rather than deal with that in a sensible way or just refuse to go he turned to the sauce.

If he’s effectively either drunk or miserably hungover, that would explain the personality transplant. We had a neighbour like that. She was either loud and obnoxious or bad tempered.

He needs to stop drinking. If he’s a nicer man when he does then you could consider staying together. If you can deal with occasional relapses.

People don’t change for other people they only change for themselves. Unfortunately as long as you are with him you are accepting this behaviour. I’d leave and find someone who is not a misogynist.

Sorry you've had to deal with this, but his behaviour is so unpleasant that it seems you'd be better off without.

Can’t believe anyone think she should apologise and have a chance. He should be left. Today. Forever. What is the point of a partner? Certainly not to make your life hard with his disrespect and stupidity.

Why not just ditch the loser now? Why wait for a repeat performance?