To expect my daughters teachers to suggest supportive strategies when they ask to meet with me?

[Bushmillsbabe]

I was called in by my year 5 daughters teachers yesterday, they raised concerns that she isn't doing as well as expected as they feel she isnt always as focused as she should be - she isnt disruptive, just not always 100% on task. Absolutely fair enough, and I thanked them for involving me/updating me. I asked what strategies they could suggest to support her in school to try to bring her up to the expected level, and I would follow these through at home. Their response was 'oh we are far to busy to do anything just for her', we just wanted to tell you.
So I suggested us as parents buying her homework books in line with their curriculum so we could go over what she learnt to help re-enforce it, but could they tell me which pages we should be doing each week - no, they dont have enough time. I suggested we would pay for tutoring but could they email tutor 2 lines each week on which topics they were covering. Nope, not enough time for that either.

Now, I fully appreciate how busy teachers are, but there are only 17 in her class, and there is a teacher, a student teacher and a teaching assistant in there full time. But what on earth is the point in pulling me in to tell me for 45 minutes that my daughter is a bit 'daydreamy' without suggesting a positive way forward.

I of course have spoken with her to say she needs to focus better even if it's a topic which she isn't as interested in, it's still important to her learning and respectful to the teachers to try her best.

But beyond that, I'm at a loss.

Contact the head.
Constructive feedback is great but that was in no way constructive.

I’d take as it as them saying you need to speak to her about staying focused.

YANBU

Complaining without offering supportive strategies or helpful advice is just scapegoating and whinging IME.

My son was similar and his school suddenly became very interested in that aspect of him in year 5. In retrospect I think it was because of year 6 SATS and wanting the school stats to look good. (It’s an outstanding school) Starting in year 5 they became very interested in concerns that I’d voiced years ago and helped him.

If this is private all through, I would think they are laying the ground for suggesting she may be happier elsewhere for secondary...

They’re telling you now that she’s not focused.

the purpose of the meeting was probably at least partly to find out if anything at home was causing this - new baby, house move, not sleeping, etc.

as you didn’t mention anything then there’s nothing to put in place to deal with any home issues.

by year 5 I’d expect her to be able to tell you what they are doing in class.

if you did want to get a tutor the tutor will asssess her and let you know where she is. You won’t get that level of feedback from teachers.

as there is no home circumstances to deal with then they just want you to tell her to stop being a space cadet. (I have met many year 5 girls like this)

How is it scapegoating or whinging? Barring SEND, if a particular child is failing to pay attention in class, whose fault is that other than the child's? Presumably the teacher was hoping for some support from the parents in discouraging their child from daydreaming in class.

The best way for her to be brought up to the expected level is to make the most of her time in class when she is being taught by the teacher, not to have her doing extra work outside of class to compensate for the time she wastes daydreaming.

Focus and maintaining attention for a task are developmental to an extent. They are letting you know she is not matching her peers in this sphere of her learning.

I’m sure they are trying to attend to this in the moment in the classroom to try to regain her attention but an aspect of these types of issues is a watching brief to see if other patterns or traits emerge down the line which may potentially be concerning when put together.

Having children with differences in development myself I’m not sure that strategies to address some of these potential issues are addressable in the home environment. Rather the issues either resolve over time with school input or alternatively form a part of an overall picture.

How totally useless.

I’d escalate it to the HoY.

How is the parent meant support what their child is or isn’t doing in the classroom? They aren’t there!

I think they just wanted you to speak to your dd about concentrating and also to find out if you knew why she wasn't. Most people if they do work books at home or get tutoring don't expect teachers to get involved with it.

Children don’t often “choose” to day dream and not stay on task.

Its developmental or lack of engagement from adults around them or lack of more easing/ understanding etc.

I agree OP. What’s the point of telling you for 45 minutes what’s “wrong” with how your DD is engaging in class without working with you to put things in place to support this.

I can’t get over a 45 minute parent meeting….thats very long and generous.

Anyway, stop waiting on the teachers to give you something or provide you with material to tell you. I don’t disagree with anything they said. Please lose the judgement on they aren’t busy. You don’t know what they do in a day and for how long the other teachers are in the classroom and/or if they are there to support other kids 1-1.

Get a tutor then and they can help work with your child and where they are.

Escalate and speak to the head? Seriously?

It’s about focus and making you aware of where your child is right now. Buy the books and work with your kid on the extras they need.

How odd. I would ask for a follow up call with the Head, or Deputy. Ask if there is anything more that you need to know, if there is something they were trying to tell you but didn't want to come out and say.

Agree. Also, it’s not a sustainable approach to duplicate lessons forever, better to try to speak to DD in first instance at least to improve focus in the class with the original lessons/teacher and thereafter keep in contact with teacher to monitor progress and go from there.

Can’t you take it upon yourself as a parent to do some research into games and activities that help children with attention skills?

Does the school do a newsletter? I can understand them saying that they won’t email you individually to say what they are learning each week, but there should be enough information given through usual channels that you know what your child is learning. If you did get a tutor, they’d be able to work out what they need to do to help your child without having to be told by the class teacher.

They are doing the right thing by telling you how your dd presents at school.

It's a state primary

Ideally they'd offer some strategy, but based on what has been said, you could be expected to know what to do.

Work on her attention and focus. Encourage her to pay attention in class and not be disruptive. Ensure she's getting enough rest, eating and exercising well and not spending too much time watching mind-numbing reels.

Extension work - does she bring her book or homework home? That tells you what she is working on in school and you provide extra support accordingly. I believe you can access the curriculum online as well, which tells you what they need to learn and in what time frame.

If I'm not actively involved in something and having to be still then I either fall asleep (not on purpose and try VERY hard not to) or daydream. I have never been diagnosed with any form of SEN (not saying I haven't got anything but obviously not enough to make anyone mention it) and did okay at school. That being said, it is the teacher's responsibility to make sure the child is engaged at all times or put up with the day dreaming. If she is responsive when being talked to directly or doing work then it should be okay but if she is just having to listen then this isn't always possible for a lot of people.

Are they gently suggesting they may think there's a reason behind her inattentiveness? Are they putting education plan in place or whatever the equivalent is in England?
As to topics the homework she brings home should be a good indication of what they are doing.
Is she weaker on one area such as English or maths?

They don't give then homework, apart from reading books. I have asked but apparently homework is 'against school policy'

I did ask if they thought there were any significant concerns which may need external support, such as ADHD, bit they said no they didn't.

I’m sure they already do enough in class. They are telling you that YOU need to talk to your daughter about working hard and staying focused.

She isn't disruptive they said.
She sleeps well, doesn't have a phone or iPad, does some extra curticulars after school such as guides, Athletics, swimming so doesn't watch much TV.

No books or homework comes home, we only see her workbooks at twice yearly parents evening.

At secondary school, she’d be in trouble for not concentrating. It’s not the teacher’s responsibility to engage her (the whole class, yes, but there are 30 and she’s not the only one there).

I meant more like strategies to bring her up to speed.
I spoke to her about the importantance of focusing.