To expect my daughters teachers to suggest supportive strategies when they ask to meet with me?

[Bushmillsbabe]

I was called in by my year 5 daughters teachers yesterday, they raised concerns that she isn't doing as well as expected as they feel she isnt always as focused as she should be - she isnt disruptive, just not always 100% on task. Absolutely fair enough, and I thanked them for involving me/updating me. I asked what strategies they could suggest to support her in school to try to bring her up to the expected level, and I would follow these through at home. Their response was 'oh we are far to busy to do anything just for her', we just wanted to tell you.
So I suggested us as parents buying her homework books in line with their curriculum so we could go over what she learnt to help re-enforce it, but could they tell me which pages we should be doing each week - no, they dont have enough time. I suggested we would pay for tutoring but could they email tutor 2 lines each week on which topics they were covering. Nope, not enough time for that either.

Now, I fully appreciate how busy teachers are, but there are only 17 in her class, and there is a teacher, a student teacher and a teaching assistant in there full time. But what on earth is the point in pulling me in to tell me for 45 minutes that my daughter is a bit 'daydreamy' without suggesting a positive way forward.

I of course have spoken with her to say she needs to focus better even if it's a topic which she isn't as interested in, it's still important to her learning and respectful to the teachers to try her best.

But beyond that, I'm at a loss.

There's some great resources on bbc bitesize thats curriculum related

@Bushmillsbabe

"Their response was 'oh we are far to busy to do anything just for her"

That's concerning, was that the Head who said that?

Going forward though @Bushmillsbabe have you, been at all, anxious about her progress?

You're her Mum, who absolutely knows your own girl best so you would know if she may be struggling?

Oh ok, I didn't realise that, we haven't had any concerns raised before so I haven't looked for extra work for her as always told she was working at or above age related expectations

Did they mention when in particular she is losing focus OP?
My daughter’s state primary have a variety of techniques and items that all children in the class can choose to use if they are struggling to concentrate, such as ear defenders, desk separators, fidgets etc. (primary classrooms and other children can be quite loud and distracting!) but obviously they’re generally useful to focus on a task once you’ve listened to the instructions, not if you’re drifting off during an active teaching part of the lesson.
If it’s focussing on written work that she’s struggling with, maybe these could help?
The kids are also allowed to make notes and write the instructions with wipeable marker on their desks which helps them listen and keeps the instructions in front of them. They can write little checklists for themselves if they have a number of tasks to complete. That also have little focus bubble timers which they all love! Maybe you could suggest your daughter be allowed to do similar (although they might prefer paper or post it notes!)
Honestly the teacher sounds a bit hopeless, no suggestions at all? Just she needs to stop daydreaming?

Get her eyes tested and hearing

so many DC have an issue with either of these that isn’t flagged bevause of course the DC have no idea they have an issue they think it’s normal to everyone

Yes i think she at least needs a sight test

Yes it was, and I appreciated their time, but I just felt it could have been more productive if there had been some ideas suggested on how to support her beyond 'tell her to pay attention', their time is valuable so I wanted to make best use of it.
In my mind they are the experts, they know much more than me. I guess I equate it to me as a health professional- a parent will come to me for advice, report a concern and I will prescribe specific strategies how they can help their child. It's on them if they do it, but it on me to advise how they should do it.

If I had to liaise with every parent whose child wasn't focused enough in class and could do with extra support, it would add hours on to my (already crazy) workload each week! The teacher is already doing everything in class they can to help your child. You need to do stuff at home that doesn't involve the teacher's input. Yes get a tutor who knows the Year 5 curriculum well. Read more with her. Help her more with her homework. Make sure she's getting enough sleep and not too much screen time. The teacher is actually asking for your help and support, although it sounds like they didn't phrase it well.

Yep, they asked us to take her an eye test last term, her eyes came back fine. She has also had hearing tests which were fine.

She does not get any homework.
We do lots of reading.
Lots of sleep, very limited screen time (tv), no phone or iPad, uses my computer for TTRS only.

As the mother of a daydreamer I spoke to her regularly on the matter. But at the end of the day I'm not there in the school to nudge her and say pay attention.

Omg I could have written this! I've been at a loss this year on how to have more constructive conversations with the teachers...I wonder if our kids are at the same school!

We did get her a wobble cushion as she said she gets uncomfortable - she is very tall and her chair is too low for her and she was getting back pain. I asked if she could have a taller chair but told no.

Fidgets have been banned as felt they were too distracting.

Well I'm surprised no ideas were offered of how to help. With any parental interaction we, as teachers, should aim to end on a positive note of what we can do together going forward. Bringing issues to parents' attention is to let them know, hope they will be supportive and work out what is needed.

Oh and I'm a dinosaur, 30 years of teaching, you don't just say your child has issues, sort it, you work with parents and the child.

There were a few maths bits it seemed she was struggling with a bit, and I asked if she could join their maths booster sessions, but told she was working above the level of that group and wouldn't gain anything

We definitely are supportive, but we aren't the experts. School have previously advised against parents trying to do extra learning at home in case we do it in a different way to at school and confuse them. That's why I asked for their guidance in what extra we could be doing.

I'd ask to meet the sendco. My DD has inattentive type ADHD and teachers commented on her not being on task from year 1. Their responses varied from teacher to teacher, some were irritated, others were much nicer and said it was no bother to remind her to get back on task. But it wasn't until I spoke to the sendco that we got anywhere - at the end of year 3. The sendco observed her and said she might well have adhd and we got a private diagnosis. While we waited for a diagnosis, her teacher put strategies in place to support her. The diagnosis helps because teachers are aware that she's not doing it on purpose.

The main thing I've learned from this is that teachers don't have time to do much about special needs if a child is performing "at expectation" and isn't disruptive. It's only parental pressure that gets action for those children.

They said they don't think it's adhd.

There could be something there around executive processing though, as sometimes she does struggle to get started.

What strategies did they put in place?

Have you looked into ADHD at all, particularly in girls? I don't think it's very good that they didn't offer any suggestions. Although I agree with PPs it wouldn't be usual for state school teachers to send extra e-mails to you or a tutor. But there could be things they could do during the day. Movement breaks, something discreet to fidget with (blue tack), making sure she has understood the teaching on a regular basis etc.

Yes we have, as we were querying for our youngest in reception but now no issues

You could ask what strategies they employ to help your child focus. It could be that the lessons are not engaging enough and she's bored. As a former teacher and and head of ITT who has observed many teachers and trainee teachers over the years, I can assure you they would be critised if a child was not engaged.
Teachers should be looking at themselves in order to meet the pupils' needs. This shouldn't be too difficult in a class of 17.

Teacher here, albeit secondary.

You were told that your daughter isn't always on task. If you want to support this at home set tasks and monitor how she meets the steps of these tasks. If she gets distracted or strays off task, then you gently remind the importance of staying on task. For example, I want you to tidy up this section of your bedroom FIRST by putting a, b, c and d away. NEXT I want you to put your laundry away in the right drawers. THEN I want you to change your bed. You do this by ... You monitor to make sure she's able to follow several steps in a sequenced way. You can write these down if you want. You can tick them off. She can tick them off. This is how focus works and how being able to do tasks independently works.

The teacher doesn't need to provide your child with bespoke homework by going through books that they don't use in school and planning / marking specific pages. This is unreasonable.

The teacher doesn't need to be in communication with a private tutor and provide a learning plan for lessons outside of school. This is unreasonable.

The student teacher doesn't get paid and is training.

The TA doesn't get paid for work outside of core hours which are full of supporting the children. Asking them to abandon this support to provide specific 1:1 for your child is unreasonable.

Please let us know how you get on with planning, implementing and evaluating independent tasks with your child. I'd recommend around 90 minutes a day.

You're welcome.

Yes, we just need to tell all the students who can’t focus in school to focus, and all the ones who misbehave to stop misbehaving. All these decades of trying to resolve these pervasive issues, and now we have it!

Yep, she has a small whiteboard which she makes notes on.
Are bubble timers just the sand timers? Or something else.

She has said she found the noise of others quite distracting, in particular one boy in her class who makes repetitive noises and junps up and down. She has previously asked if she can bring in her ear defenders, especially for tests, and they have said no.

I think she knows her focus isn't 100%, but has been told no to fidgets, blue tac, ear defenders, and no to sitting nearer the front so she has less distractions between her and the teacher. She asked us for the wobble cushion which they allow sometimes. I do feel like all the strategies are coming from her or us, and mainly being rejected. Which I wouldn't have any issue with is they had alternative ideas.

You sound really proactive, I wish you were her teacher.

Since you are a teacher here, albeit secondary, I would expect you to be able to accomplish the very basic task of communicating respectfully online. Failing to do so looks like gross incompetence.

Then again, so does calling a 45 minute meeting when you have no useful suggestions.