Fed up with DP led late nights - is this normal?

[SaraW92]

A rough timeline of a normal evening in our house is as followed:

-6.15/30 - cook for and feed our DC (1 year old)
-7/7.30 - prepare/cook and eat our dinner (often not ready until closer to 8)
-8.15/30 - DC’s night time routine
-8.30-10 - downstairs watching TV
10 - up to bed, DP watches tablet until close to midnight, I try and sleep c10.30 after scrolling phone.

Main gripes are that we eat our dinner so late (same time as pre DC so not that to blame) and that DP watches the tablet for so long (with headphones in and again same as pre DC) I have an eye patch but find it hard to get to sleep.

Is this a fairly normal timeline or am I reasonable to suggest it’s all a bit too late (ignoring DC routine, that’s just in for context).

I am up in the week at either 7 (office day) or 8 (WFH) for work.

Opinions welcome!

Sounds normal to me. DH might well not return from work until 7:30. DC grown up now though

That's a normal routine for me with the exception of going to bed at 10pm, which seems early for getting up at 7/8? How many hours sleep do you ideally need? I'd go up to bed at 11:30pm for that wake up.

The obvious solution if you do need the sleep is to ask your dp to watch the tablet elsewhere.

I mean, everyone is different, but it would be fine for me. That's about my ideal dinner time. I get up at 5 on work days (3 or 4 12 hour shifts a week).
If DP is quietly watching he ipad I don't think it's reasonable to ask him not to. You can't tell another adult when to go to bed!

Your bedtime seems early to me but we tend to both potter around/read/watch TV/catch up on work until about midnight. We all (including DS who is 5) tend to get up between 7-7.30.

Completely bonkers that he sits scrolling in bed and disturbs your sleep. If he's not tired then he can scroll elsewhere.

Would probably suggest that you eat with your kid as that saves a huge amount of time. Once weaned kids can eat the same as us (beating in mind not putting things like salt in the cooking and seasoning after etc etc).

Your DP shouldn’t be watching the tablet in the bed if you’re trying to sleep - he can watch it in another room if he’s really into it.

Otherwise your timings seem similar to ours, other than we don’t go up to bed till about 11 and maybe asleep at 12.

Is there a reason why you don't all eat together? Or at least eat the same meal and eat yours later? Why are you doing two lots of cooking?

Personally I'd prefer quiet scrolling in bed to someone coming in and potentially disturbing me by crashing about, getting comfy etc!

We're a lot later. Normally dinner 9.30ish, then in bed 11.30ish. Also feel this should be earlier but it's easy to get into routines and hard to break when tired! Yours seems fine.

It sounds fine to me, although I can’t remember the last time I was in bed for 10pm. We tend to eat at about 8.30-9, and then try to get upstairs for 11 but it doesn’t always work out like that.
If it’s too late for you, why don’t you eat at the same time as your baby?

The cooking different meals seems like a terrible waste of time and resources, why not cook once and eat together?

Other than that though it all looks very normal. You're getting over 8 hours of sleep with a 7am wake up, that's enough for most people.

I would ask DP to watch the iPad somewhere else though if it keeps you awake.

Why cook twice. Just cook your meal and all 3 eat so you can eat earlier.
Scrolling before bed won’t help sleep.

You should all eat together if you can. And you shouldn't be scrolling on your phone that close to when you want to sleep.

It seems like he's doing what he can to minimize his scrolling's effect on you, but you could ask him to stay downstairs. I can't really think of why it would be bothering you if he's using headphones and you're wearing a sleep shade.

We need to look at this, we’re just in habit of giving DC different food so free of salt and seasoning etc. Also means we’d have to push their dinner time back to ours as opposed to us eating earlier due to DP preference.

You don't have to inconvenience yourself and your baby to suit your DP's preference. He is surely capable of discussion, reason and compromise.

If not, you eat with the baby and go to bed whenever you want and he can sort himself out. Tbh it sounds like you need much more sleep than he does. Maybe just accept that and share your evenings in a different way.

Cooking dinners twice is rubbish. We just shifted to eat earlier and all together once DC arrived, as then it means once they are in bed, you don’t have to worry about cooking. I have a friend who always eats separately from their now 6yo with her husband, and she’s always complaining that they’ve only managed to get dinner on at 9 or whatever after doing bedtime and she’s starving, and it all seems bonkers to me!

Or your DH could be a bit more flexible and earlier…

We have tea (dinner) about 5.30 then homework, game, bath, bedtime for DC by 8/8.30. Tidy up, watch something till 10 and in bed by 10.30. Up anytime from 6.30/7am.

What is it about his scrolling that keeps you awake? DH is a night owl and I most definitely am not these days, but he tends to just come to bed later, so I might be asleep by 11ish and he’ll come in at 1, but I’m in a deep sleep by then so it doesn’t wake me.

Does he have to scroll in bed or could he watch his stuff elsewhere then come to bed when he’s ready to sleep?

I must be the exception here. Everyone seems to have dinner (tea) really late. If we have ours after six it means we’re running late and anything after 8pm is classed as supper

I just cook one meal (without adding salt until on our plates- babies can have seasoning they don't have to eat bland food) and if he wants it later, he can eat later. If the tablet is bothering you, he could sit somewhere else until he's ready to sleep.

He isn't being unreasonable but neither are you. My DH used to read until the early hours and I had to scoot over to the edge of the bed, turn my back on him and pull the duvet over my head.

Now peri me can't sleep at all so it's me doing the reading, wriggling and scrolling while DH is sound asleep.

my DH sits up until 3am most nights watching films/videos. He can run of barely no sleep fine. I’m just used to it and can go asleep aslong as it’s relatively quiet

I agree with this aswell

thats why separate rooms should be way more normalised.