Fed up with DP led late nights - is this normal?

[SaraW92]

A rough timeline of a normal evening in our house is as followed:

-6.15/30 - cook for and feed our DC (1 year old)
-7/7.30 - prepare/cook and eat our dinner (often not ready until closer to 8)
-8.15/30 - DC’s night time routine
-8.30-10 - downstairs watching TV
10 - up to bed, DP watches tablet until close to midnight, I try and sleep c10.30 after scrolling phone.

Main gripes are that we eat our dinner so late (same time as pre DC so not that to blame) and that DP watches the tablet for so long (with headphones in and again same as pre DC) I have an eye patch but find it hard to get to sleep.

Is this a fairly normal timeline or am I reasonable to suggest it’s all a bit too late (ignoring DC routine, that’s just in for context).

I am up in the week at either 7 (office day) or 8 (WFH) for work.

Opinions welcome!

I'm like your friend! I often just don't feel hungry enough at 6 though. But that might be because of eating crisps en masse when I get home...Might try harder to eat earlier.

I don’t quite know what you’re complaining about? If you’re asleep by 10.30 and don’t get up until 7 or 8 then surely that’s either 8.5 or 9.5 hours sleep. Which is more than enough.

Yes you could eat together and quit the phone scrolling but I don’t know what the problem is from your post, is it lack of sleep, toddler not settling, lack of free time, feeling tired or just your Dh annoying you?

You said eating your dinner late is an issue for you and you need to look at cooking only once and having dinner with DC, but then said you’d have to change DC dinner time to yours/DPs time. That makes no sense. If you want to eat earlier then eat earlier and have a meal with your DC. Once DC starts nursery/school they are not going to want to eat at 8pm as they’ll likely be in bed asleep before then.

This routine isn’t going to work as your child gets older and it clearly is led by him not you

what routine would suit you

You sound quite controlling. Just go to bed when you want and eat without him if it’s ’too late’

The only bit of it that is actually late is the time your DC goes to bed, could you bring that forward? the rest is very average.

Have only ever cooked one meal for 8/8.30 (7.30 when DC were really small). What is your DC doing while you’re eating? DH goes to bed at 11ish (varying wake times from 6 to 7.30 depending on day), I go up at 12/1 (up at 7.30 4 days a week - don’t need as much sleep). Why does he need to come up if he’s not sleeping? I haven’t gone to bed at 10 since I was about 10!

I’d eat with your child - cooking twice is madness.

I would move your dinner time so you all eat together.

Why does he need to scroll tablet in bed for hours? Surely it would make more sense to be in another room if he's wide awake? I would ask him to change that.

I agree with pp who suggested only salting your food once it's on your plate. Maybe wear a contoured eye mask can fit over your eye patch, and help.

I think bed is for sleeping, and it's really inconsiderate to be doing anything for a long period of time when the other person is trying to sleep.

It seems fairly normal to me, although we rarely eat dinner much before 9. My husband often goes to bed really early at about 10.30 nowadays, but i don’t go to bed until at least 1.

One adult is cooking twice and one adult is not cooking. Why?

Why doesn’t your DP watch his tablet downstairs and you go to bed at 10? You’re getting a lot of sleep if not up until 7, can you stay up a bit longer and you both go to bed together, but DP not on the tablet?

Or DP accepts eating a bit earlier to make life easier for his family and so his child can go to bed at a decent time?

I think if you want to sleep better you need first to stop looking at screens and hour before you want to be asleep (at the very least stop scrolling in bed) before you're in a position to ask DP to stop with the tablet in bed (though I wouldn't like trying to sleep next to blue light for 1.5 hours even with an eye mask)

Fairly normal timeline here too, but can't you cook just once.

Make sausage & mash or a curry and just keep it in warm dishes until you and do are ready to eat. That would save you 45 mins, then you could get DC to bed earlier and try to get to sleep yourself before dp comes up.

We never eat past 7pm and are generally in bed by 9. We joke that we live like pensioners

We all eat together at 6pm, so once the kids and are bed and clean up is done we sit down at 7.30ish. I also think it’s helpful not to cook two different meals and it helps encourage the children to try new foods.

This is probably why you’re tired…

Going against the grain here and I think this is an unhealthy set-up.

Why aren’t you eating together? It’s not like unie baby goes to bed early. Seasoning is fine for babies - just add the salt afterwards. It would be so much healthier for them to eat with you.

DC is going to bed a bit too late too (I know you’re not asking about this). What time do they wake up?

DH is being inconsiderate scrolling next to you until midnight.

I’d tell him to sleep elsewhere to be honest. Sounds like separate rooms would be bliss.

Another vote for cook once and eat with your kid!

My DH likes a late dinner too but it just makes me uncomfortable and I end up snacking before dinner if it's late too. So we have family dinner around 530/6pm latest, if DO wants to join us he does but sometimes he is still out or late finishing work and sometimes he just doesn't want to - so he sorts himself out.

The preference in our house is we eat together, most of not all of us. We add salt and spice/chilli sauce to taste at the table for DH.

Living the dream!

DH moans at me and says I'm being antisocial if I go up at that time. So I sit on the sofa and doomscroll in front of whatever TV he has chosen until close to 10pm when I take myself up (and all the while he really socially naps on the sofa from about 9.05pm, but still refuses to actually go to bed, and apparently I'm the weird one for wanting to go to bed!) 🤔

Both your dinner and your bedtime seem early to me!! You also get loads of sleep!

Reading in bed is a pleasure for me, a nice wind down before I sleep. I don’t understand how he is disturbing you, especially if he has headphones and you have an eye mask?

It would wind me up, I need to be trying to sleep at 10.30/11 to get up at 7. Screens playing and the disturbance of putting things away would disturb me. I sleep in a different room now though

This!!

Very inconsiderate and YANBU