DH not arranging birthday card for mum

[Letsworkthisout]

My DH hasn’t arranged for a birthday card for me from our 2yo son. He got a standard birthday card from the shop opposite from himself and that was it. He knows I don’t want a fuss or money spent on presents but that a card means a lot to me. Already feel that I’m often an afterthought as he’s focused on his career and his social life and that’s his priority. I manage everything else including working myself. Just feeling a bit fed up as I went through years of chronic health related infertility and this stuff means a lot. I don’t want to come across as bratty and demand he organises a card on behalf of my son as that feels like it loses part of the meaning of the card itself. Am I being too sensitive? I know if I bring this up he’ll either apologise profusely and try and make it up (but this is a running theme), or he’ll turn it around and self-wallow about how rubbish he is and can’t do anything right.

I think you need to ramp the whole birthday experience expectations up, stop saying you don't want any fuss made, go for the whole shebang

I’ve never expected my DH to arrange a card from our kid. Only this year my kid initiated to make me a card (6yr old) although for my DH’s birthday I got our kid to choose one at the store. As you acknowledge, it’s a bigger issue going on.

In the 20 years I was with my ex I had nothing for birthdays or Christmas from him so no chance of him even considering doing something from the kids for any occasion.

My birthday in November was the first one with my new partner. Not only spoiled rotten by him but he took my 3 children (18, 14 and 5) to choose me a present and card from each of them. They also made me a birthday cake together. (The kitchen clean up after that was fun but it's the thought that counts I guess 😂) The fact that he is new to family life but still thought to do this for me made me cry lol.

I think some men get it, and others it just doesn't even cross their minds.

I used to get the children to make a card for DH's birthday, Christmas etc. We had great fun with stickers, paint/crayons or pressing flowers & leaves. A 2 year old is totally able to make a personal card or picture for their daddy.

My first reaction to this was 'of course you wouldn't think of getting a card from a 2 year old', but actually as the child is nearly 3 and likes craft, I do think it's a bit crap not to get them to draw her a picture or something. My DS was crap at craft and had no interest in it till nearer 4,* so we wouldn't have bothered at the same age, but this year at nearly 4 I did take him on a special trip to the shops to choose something for his other mum's birthday (a build your own chomping shark), and she did the same for me (a grow your own pea shoots kit that I'd steered him away from for DP as it was so overpriced for a couple of peas and a bit of compost). So yes, I do think OP's DH could have made a bit more effort - but you need to tell him this year, so he'll hopefully get his act together for the next occasion.

*now so impressed with his own creations he refuses to sodding well give them to us, as he wants to keep them all for himself.

Sorry but you husband should not only have got you a card but he should have also got you a present. You are not being overly sensitive AT ALL! It matters because it matters to you so it should
matter to him

Her husband is not a child so he shouldn’t need reminding that he should get her a birthday card on his son’s behalf

What? I’m afraid you are in the minority. My husband (and many other husbands I know) has always bought a card and present on behalf of our DC. Are people’s bar set so low that they think this behaviour is normal? It’s not.

It’s normal enough for me never to have known anyone who’s done it. Everyone I know is given one card and present from their husband and baby - not two separate ones.

I don't think this was something we ever did for each other. I don't understand the point and it would never have occurred to me. Once the children were a bit older they tended to make cards, mostly on their own initiative.

I guess if it is important to you, then you should let him know, and it would be unkind of him to keep ignoring that. But I can quite understand that it didn't occur to him to do it.

Well everyone I know is given two separate cards. How hard is it exactly to buy two?

It might not be hard, but why would you?? What's the point?

I really can't say that I would even have noticed this.

When our three children were very young DH and I didn't buy separate cards to be from them. If I bought a card for DH then I would write it as being from me and the DDs. He would do similar if a card was required for me.

Did any of you not get taken to get birthday, Christmas, Mothers/Father’s Day cards and gifts for your other parent?
I still fondly rem esp my dad using elaborate means to ‘hide from mummy to choose something’

Both DH and I were bought up this way, maybe that’s why we do it for our children.

I even get a card from DH on Mother’s Day thanking ME for everything I do for our DC and vice versa. I think the only time the DC don’t get us something is our wedding anniversary.

Did any of you not get taken to get birthday, Christmas, Mothers/Father’s Day cards and gifts for your other parent?

Not at the age of two, no.

are you wondering what’s the point of a husband getting his wife a card from their child for her birthday? Seriously?

Same here

Yes, I am. DC are 7 and 9 now and for the last few years since they could actually write and understand what they were writing I've bought them an extra card for DH. Not at 2 or 3. Wouldn't have crossed my mind.

Same for Father's Day. I didn't start doing anything for that until they were able to understand it.

So your children didn’t gift anyone (esp not their parents) for Christmas, birthday etc until they were 7/9?

I’m not criticising btw, every family is different I guess.

what’s the difference between buying a card for them now when they are older and not othering when they were younger? Sorry I just don’t get it. I loved getting mine from my DC (via my husband) with just their scrawl on it.

At age 2, absolutely. As I've said above, not something that would have occurred to either me or DH to do or expect.

The difference is whether the child understands or not. If they don't understand it seems pointless.

It might not have occurred to you or your husband to do it but it does occur to other people. Im
glad it occurred to both me and my husband to do it as it showed appreciation for what the other did.

No, I wasn't taken to buy cards in any such way.

But DH can and did show appreciation with a single card, with a note inside expressing his appreciation. As well as a gift. And many other different ways all through year. For me, adding a second piece of paper, ostensibly from our children, adds nothing much at all.