Hey folks, so married 20+ years , one teen DC , name changed for this post in case the couple I am writing about read this.
My husband has a school and uni classmate hes been mates with for 30+ years now.
When we first got married, we were living close by to PIL and this friend used to stay over at my MILs when coming back to DHs hometown every year (3-4 days) to see DH and spend time with him in their lads group - MIL did not discourage this so I kept out as it wasnt really my business if MIL didnt mind hosting him few days a year - he (the friend will call him SS) , SS, would also use the trip to visit /oversee investments he had in DHs hometown so pretty much business trip without paying for hotels. MIL would I think feed him a few meals as well. SS started bringing his wife along too at one point after he and DH had married by the mid 00's.
Cut 20 years later, we moved around 18 years ago to 6 hours travel away and a whole other country away - SS and his wife are here with us in our house, visiting. First visit to this country - I thought they were coming for four days as part of their Europe tour, turns out they are here for 10 days almost - we have ended up cooking for them, I also made the really bad decision to give them our master bedroom as the guest room was too small to add in a cot for their DD who is 10. I didnt want DS15 to have to give up his room which was DHs proposal as Guest room also doesnt have ensuite.
I just feel sooooo used - and then feel bad for feeling that way too. They wont even wash their own plates as SSs wife talks about being rich enough to have domestic help do almost everything for her at her house. I have tried so hard to stay nice for DHs sake as I know how much he loves this friend , I just feel though he cant see with time, that some friendships are past their expiry date. We bought food when we were too tired to cook it, for them over the past 10 days, they wanted DH to drive them everywhere so he was too tired by the end of the day to help me with washing up , tidying up etc. I literally requested SS and his wife to please wash their own cutlery and not leave it in the sink till the Dishwasher is run which we dont always do unless there are big pots and pans.
Too exhausted even to type this , but I think more than the physical its the mental overthinking whether we are being mugs and DH cant see it. They now plan to come see us when we next visit hometown, PILs place - MIL is no more, so they are expecting us I presume to host them when we are next at FILs as he has extra room but doesnt cook etc. So presumably they now expect me to be my MIL and continue cooking for them when they visit everytime, give up the best room for them etc. Its a free holiday for them but I end up being a host when on holiday ? How do I handle these ppl without upsetting DH ?
I said to SS wife , when she said oh we love you guys so much, hope we can come see you again this year when you come to DH hometown, and I said why dont we visit you guys at yours next time, and she fobbed that off with oh but there is really nothing to do or go see at mine, your in laws hometown is so much more a fun place to meet. AAArgh pls help me.