Aibu to make my 17 year old ds give up his life?

[FastMintSheep]

Abit of a long one but advice greatly appreciated,I left my husband he was emotionally and physically abusive to me and my children,I have left the city I live in (Birmingham)and moved to Telford where I have my mom dad brother,I’m in temporary accommodation,my 17yr old son has stayed back in Birmingham with my ex even though my ex was abusive to him when he was younger it’s stopped now.My son doesn’t want to move to Telford he wants to stay in Birmingham he has completed college and has applied to join the police force in September,he has a job lined up for now and a girlfriend,my other 4 children want to stay in Telford a fresh start,I know my 4 children will do good in Telford,my 17 year old is begging me to come back to Birmingham,he doesn’t want to stay with his dad,but my other four are begging to stay in Telford,we have no family in Birmingham just the ex,the four children are not in school properly due to emotional issues due to domestic violence that’s why I no they will thrive in Telford and will be able to lead a normal life I’m so torn do I put my four children’s happiness on hold for my 17 year old,or vice versa?

When is he 18? It’s a horrible situation but he sounds like he has a really good plan for his future and I don’t blame him not wanting to give it up

Have you had help from social services with moving? Could they help your 17yo get accommodation I'm Birmingham?

He’s 18 in August he knows what he wants to do with his life I just feel so torn

I think you stay in Telford to protect your youngest. You tell your eldest he is always welcome.

Can 17 year old not get homeless accommodation in Birmingham until he gets sorted

Could you help your 17 year old DS find a room in a shared house in Birmingham? If he is estranged from parents I think he'd get UC and a small housing allowance to cover cost of a single room. He'd need a bit of help with food money because UC for under 25 is miserly.

Can you or your parents help him financially to get a room somewhere

I have said this he called me a heartless bit** I told him he always has a home with me he told I’m I have destroyed his childhood and now I’m destroying his future

Stay in Telford
My eldest moved out at 16 into a shared flat. It wasn't ideal but it worked.
At 18 he would usually be off to uni, so should be able to source somewhere to live in Birmingham.

He's got a point not in them words but teenagers are brutal. But I think instead of trying to get him to move when he has a girlfriend and life their the best way you could help him would be financial or with benefits/council

Best to be clear. Son, neither of us are moving so we should instead see if there is a way to get you some kind of accommodation of your own in the area that you want to stay in.

Tbf, he's spent the most time in the abusive situation. You need to talk things through properly with him, could he do his police training in Telford.

In August when 18 he can rent a room in a shared house wherever he likes. No need for you all to move. And Telford is not far from Birmingham. It is his choice he can stay Birmingham or commute from Telford til he can sign a tenancy when 18

He has a job lined up and a girlfriend in Birmingham

I feel really sorry for him. He's clearly had a tough start in life and is trying hard to build a life for himself and feels this is being undermined and threatened.

I think it would have sounded heartless if you said to him you are staying where you are and he is welcome. Its sounds like you are cutting loose and don't really care about the impact on him.

What can you do to support him staying where he wants to?

And you not making him give up his "life".
He has options
Sleep in Telford commute to Birmingham
In August he can rent a room in Birmingham if he wants
He has options

You haven’t destroyed his childhood or his future. His father ruined the childhood and his future is his responsibility now he is nearly an adult. Why should 5 people all uproot again and move again to appease him? I understand he’s had a tough upbringing but you are doing what’s best for the majority of your children.

Can he not commute from Telford to Birmingham, they're not that far apart?

Unless his job pays good money, he probably can't afford to commute to Birmingham...

Biringham telford Ticket Types and Prices:
Anytime Day Single: £14
Anytime Day Return: £14.10
Off-Peak Day Single: £14.20
Advance Tickets: Can be as low as £1.75
Average Fares: £7.96
He can get under 25 railcard.
When he has training job he can rent a room
Coach fare may be cheaper

How serious is girlfriend? Could he stay with her family until he starts his training and can afford to rent somewhere?

My mother did this to me in a way. She finally left my abusive father right as I went to university. That was all well and good, but I was in student housing and suddenly had no where to go when the halls closed during breaks. Why she couldn’t have left when it would have been protected me, I do not know.

The only thing that saved me was that my parents put financial support for me into their divorce settlement.

Your son still needs your help getting started in life and he may not be able to follow you to a new city. That doesn’t mean your job as a parent is over. You and your ex need to help him with living expenses.

Poor kid, he's had an awful upbringing, his whole life is there and his mum has upped and left him with his previously abusive father.
Personally I don't think this is about what any of your kids want, I think this is about what you want.

I really feel for him he's had to grow up in an abusive home. Now he's so close to starting his own life and everything is in a mess again through no fault of his own. Do you know how amazing it is to have a child grow up in that environment and want to become a policeman at the end of it and actually help others rather then going of the rails

I’m not in a position to sadly I have made a claim for universal credit and pip