To ask how on earth you ‘slow down’?

[Imcomingovertoyourplace]

I’m exhausted. I’ll admit it. I work full time, no DH or DP. I have a pretty tiring (emotionally and mentally) job which is based from home but I do visits most days, usually two or three.
I have two children and a great, fantastic group of friends. I want to slow down and do less but I really struggle with saying no.
For Example, the kids can’t really have play dates after school due to my work and so I tend to have a few kids to ours over the weekend. My DC1 has additional needs and so 99% of the play dates need to be at ours. I also like seeing my friends for catch ups, drinks, cinema, gigs etc. I have a lot of family too, who we cram into the weekend too, plus the kids need to do normal things like swimming, trips to museums, zoos etc just because otherwise what’s the point of weekends?
Everytime I want to slow down, I can’t decide what I’m supposed to say no to. Play dates? Fun stuff with friends? Family?
Then there’s all the boring necessary stuff like getting the car MOT’d, shopping, buying birthday presents which have to happen on weekends as I just don’t stop in the week. I work 10-6 to do school runs in the morning, so by the time we’re all back in the house, it’s 7-8.
I can’t cut my hours but I go to work on Monday more shattered than I was when I left on Friday!
Just this weekend it was sleepover for DC2 at ours, then rushing to get a birthday present for a friend, then home for DC1 play date at ours, then I’m out tonight. Then driving to London tomorrow as I’ve worked all week and the kids have just been in holiday club all half term so need a day out, then home and then work Monday. I haven’t stopped and unfortunately it’s having an impact on my health. My mum says ‘you need to slow down’ but I feel like the only thing I can cancel is my social life, which is a bit shit for me.
Anyone who managed to get a better balance, how did you do it?

Shop on line for presents and get food delivered. No need to do museums etc every weekend, make it once a month or even just at school holidays.

How are you money wise?
is there any chance of you dropping to four days at work to have some time to relax, concentrate on you, etc?

@BabyofMineskint unfortunately and I know my work and my workload would stay the same.

Personally, I aim for one day social, one day home chilling/ doing chores.

I wouldn't personally assume a day out was needed after a week of holiday club. But my girl would need chill time after a busy week.

You're not doing your kids or youself any favours by overextending yourself when it's already affecting your health. You need to cut back. Your kids also need some downtime.

Family stuff one weekend.

Social stuff another weekend.

The extra trips once every other month.

Online groceries and gifts to be delivered.

Easy to make meals. I did a lot of stir frys when my kids were young.

Can you do more free things to allow you to cut your hours a little? 10-5 or a 9 day fortnight could make the difference.

I went four days a week, even though as a fellow single parent I can't afford it.

I also see friends very rarely now in person.

But I'm an introvert who NEEDS down time. I don't find it hard to slow down, for me it's essential. My kid is similarly happy to have days or half days unscheduled.

Try looking at your weekend plans and building in some unscheduled time. Yup, something will have to give.

It’s really difficult though when I have about 20 texts saying ‘what are you up to this weekend?’ From friends, family, friends with kids. I can’t just say no forever

@Imcomingovertoyourplace

For a start why do you need to drive to London because they've been in holiday club?

London is a tiring day out. If you felt that you reality must give them a day out aren't there local options, or just the park and an ice cream.
You don't need to museums and zoos every weekend
There's nothing wrong with staying at home in your pj's, make popcorn and watch a movie together.
I bet the kids would appreciate chill out days as well.
I'm a single parent, my son was very active, he was a scout and member of several clubs so lots of activities. My general approach was if we had a very busy weekend, the following week was a a quiet one, certainly no more than 2 busy weekends on the run. I just didn't go out as often as I would have liked to.
You need to prioritise more

Its a lovely idea to have play dates and sleepovers every weekend but IME it’s u realistic and others are definitely not doing that - even if your child could go to theirs they probably wouldn’t as people done reciprocate - because they use their weekends to chill!

When people text you to ask what you are doing this weekend, just say you are having a quiet one at home. It doesn't seem that difficult?

Alternate between having plans one weekend and staying at home the next.

Yeah stop all the play dates and sleepovers or only do them in holiday time.

With work, kids and social life - I read somewhere you can’t do all 3 so choose 2. Unfortunately you can’t ditch your kids or work so it’s a case of being more selective with social events.

You don't have to facilitate playdates every weekend, surely? Presumably the kids see their friends at school during the week.

We tend to save things like the Zoo, Museums, trips into London etc for the school holidays. We rarely do a full day trip in term time, usually just stuff like the park or cinema on a weekend in term time. I think it's important for DC to have downtime and mine tend to need at least half a day at the weekend just to chill.

I do pretty much all shopping online, Amazon Prime has saved me wasting precious time trawling round the shops looking for last minute birthday presents more times than I can count.

I think most of us with young children (especially those of us who have DC with SEN) don't necessarily see our friends as often as we'd like. I understand what you're saying about it not being fair to you if your social life was the thing you cut back on, but something has to give and I think it's pretty normal if you're exhausted from work and parenting to say no to some social stuff.

Your kids do not need you to drive to London for a day out. They would be more than happy chilling at home. You say you’ve already done a sleepover?

You will burn yourself out if you continue like this.

Playdates for DC1 & 2 at the same time. No sleepovers unless it's a real big treat, like a birthday, and even then better not. They get worse as DC get older, up really late, then one wakes the rest up early and then they're all grumpy for the whole of Sunday.
Combine outings with other things, like seeing friends and family. Make some outings much more low-key - trip to local park or woods, get an ice cream or take a small picnic, meet family or friends there.
Driving into London sounds a nightmare, why would you do that to yourself? If you must visit for museums etc, get the train/tube/bus. But that sort of trip doesn't need to be often. Have some chill time at home - designate part of each weekend, a morning or afternoon, to relax at home. It's fine for kids to watch something in their PJs till lunchtime if the rest of the weekend is busy.
Do what you can online - birthday presents, food shop etc.
You don't have to arrange entertainment for your DC for the whole time.

I know it's difficult because you feel you are pulled in all directions, but for me, the first thing to go would be sleepovers and days out. If the kids have been in a holiday club all week, they almost certainly don't need these as well.

A duvet day at home, with a movie and popcorn, or a trip to a park, or a walk in the woods would be just as good. No kid needs to be constantly on the go, it's exhausting for them as well as you. It's ok for them to just mill about at home getting bored too, if that's all you've got the time/energy for.

A full day off every fortnight minimum. Every weekend doesn't have to be full on.

It's perfectly acceptable to say things have been hectic at work and you really need a chilled weekend. Anyone who has experienced juggling work with young DC will understand. If they don't get it, so what? If they're a decent friend they won't want you running yourself ragged.

Could you do an open house type thing regularly? For example, say you'll be doing a simple brunch (fruit, croissants, juice) from 10-12 and people can come if they want to. A friend started doing this and it took a while to establish but it's quite fun.

Stop the days out. I used to feel like the kids needed them, wheras actually they needed me. They needed me to be present with whatever they were doing. A day playing games at home and a walk to the park is just as good to them as a day out in London.

Can you make some meetups more regular, e.g., last Saturday of the month, so you know you'll be meeting, and just explain you're too busy with the kids right now to be spontaneous

Use family as babysitting to get some time to yourself too.

Bloody hell, I'm tired out reading your post!!

you are putting too much pressure on yourself to do so much with/for your kids.

its lovely, but you're going to burn out/make yourself ill. Then you'll have Big Problems!! I think you know that though.

i think all you can do is accept that you can't (no one can) do everything as often as you are. Don't stop anything in particular, just the frequency of each thing. You're packing too many things in!! It's not necessary to do them as frequently as you are!

How do your kids cope with so little 'down' tine? Kids actually NEED the opportunity to get a bit bored & have to make their own fun.

How did the holiday club work out? Have you thought about paying a teenager to come to your house? You're honestly a lot of the time if they need you & if they're older 15/16 can cope while you're out on visits.(doesn't help much either you being too busy, but is cheaper & would give your kids some diwn time at home, that's what I hated most when I had to go to childcare in the school holidays. No time At Home to chill)

What others said. There are probably extro-extroverts who get their energy from having non stop chaos and buzz in their lives/homes, but most people, adults and children, need some downtime. I'm not a single parent or a FT worker and my kids are not at a sleepover, zoo or museum every weekend. Look at what you do on a typical weekend and halve it.

And I imagine some of this stuff is eating into your budget big time.