New “home” that I hate

[MuttiParma]

I’m not even sure where to begin. English isn’t my first language, so I might ask ChatGPT for help with how to phrase things.

My husband and I have a 7-year-old daughter. We live in one of the most expensive parts of London, and we’ve always loved the neighbourhood. We’ve been renting for years, and just recently we got the keys to our first place, which is a shared ownership flat, only about 200 metres away from where we used to live.

I want to be happy about it, but I can’t. I hate it.

The flat is small, but it was the only thing we could afford to buy. The only real upside is that our monthly costs (mortgage, rent, service charge) are lower than what we paid in rent, so we’ll have more money left over each month. That’s the one good thing.

When we viewed the flat, I told my husband that it felt dark because it’s north-facing. He dismissed it completely. He was focused on how cheap it was compared to our rent. I didn’t stand up for myself, and now I’m stuck here. It’s not just our bedroom, living room. My daughter’s room is dark too. I need sunlight. I need air and light to feel like I can breathe. I feel suffocated.

The building also smells. We didn’t notice it during the viewing, but the ground floor has a mouldy odour. At least we’re on the top floor.

Still, the boiler was supposed to be included in the sale and we assumed that meant it was working. But it’s broken beyond repair. Two engineers confirmed that we need a new one. Because we’re on the top floor and access is difficult, it’ll cost twice as much to replace. We didn’t budget for that.

There’s also a moth infestation. Something else we didn’t notice until we moved in. We’ve already had one round of pest control and have another one booked, but it’s just so much to deal with on top of everything else.

The building is part of a shared ownership development. All the other blocks around us are social housing. I don’t even know if that matters, but it adds to the feeling that I don’t know what we’ve gotten ourselves into.

All I want to do is run. My daughter hates the flat. She said she doesn’t want to move there, and I feel like I failed her.

I want to cry. Sometimes I want to pack up and go back to where I come from, even though I’ve been in the UK for 20 years. To make matters worse, we’re not in the catchment area for a good secondary school.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. I need a space to say all of this without feeling judged.

Concerning how your husband completely dismissed your view and ploughed ahead with the purchase

that sounds worthy of a thread in itself

I feel like no other woman will accept that behaviour

Well yes

unfortunately your poor daughter has been dragged along for the ride too

If it’s north facing I’d concentrate on giving the rooms a cosy feel as they are never going to be bright and sunny.
it sounds like it’s early days in the flat. Look on it as a temporary investment and use the money you save each month to improve the flat them maybe you can sell it at a profit in a few years time and buy something better.

it may not be your dream home but it’s better to buy than rent and this could be the first step on the way to your dream home.

Thank you for you nice comment

North facing can be a blessing in that rooms might stay cool. My house is very cool in summer due to that and I am frequently grateful. I think you can decorate to embrace the north facing issue. If you're in an area you love in central London that's such a gift. I would love to be in that position. Give the flat a chance, it might be a gem. School catchment is maybe the trickiest part of this.

Thank you 😘

First things first, get rid off the moths and get a new boiler sorted.
Before you start decorating see if anything can be done about the lighting. It might be that a few extra LED lights and some strategically placed lamps improve the atmosphere a lot.
Go on Pinterest and look for colours that compliment North facing rooms and decorate appropriately.
There is nothing you can do about the smell in the building (write to the building manager maybe?) or the neighbours etc. You'll just have to live with it for now.
I do want to say though that buying a property is a fairly drawn out process, I think you are being unfair to your husband as you would have had multiple occasions to back out of the sale but instead you bought the property and now want to blame him because you don't like it!

I think you need to give it a bit of time. It will take a while to put your personal stamp on it and make it feel like your own. I have never moved home without there being problems that needed solving to begin with before it felt like mine.

I am sorry that your husband is so dismissive of your views.

It's really hard when you've been used to renting something that is of a size and/or location that you'd never be able to afford to buy in 😞

But buying does make sense, and with the extra money you have each month you can hopefully make it cosy and feel more like home.

Look online for ideas with decor on how to brighten up north facing rooms, paint colours to use etc.

Set yourself a time limit in your mind for how many years you'll stay there before you can hopefully move to something you like more

Oh, what a horrible position to be in. The DH issue is a thing in itself, but as for the flat - you could do it up with lamps, fairy lights, shade-loving plants, and colour, then after a year or two you can move on. Put coffee beans under the grill from time to time to make it smell nice.

Hope you and your DD feel better about it all soon.

I wouldn’t worry too much about school catchment. It just takes a change of head or a key member of staff for the whole ethos of a school to change (for better or worse). Your daughter is only 7. Anything could happen to the school you’re in catchment for in the next several years.

I use daylight bulbs in dark areas of my house and it gives a more 'sunlight' type of light.

Daylight Light Bulbs and Daylight Bulbs at B&Q

Well, you can always rent it out, then rent yourself somewhere youblike. We are currently doing this
As a born and bred Londonder, noone I grew up with lives where we grew up anymore. We were all priced out in terms of buying a family home. Everyone I know now lives in the home counties, where you can get a lovely 4 bed with garden for the price of a 1 bed in zone 3. Maybe suggest that you stay a year then look to rent your flat out and move out.
Currently, I am in zone 6, transport links to london are great, theres tons of woodland, green spaces, I am renting a large 4 bed detached with a huge garden. My house I own is also in zone 6, and is a 4 double bed house with parking and garden and cost 500k. Schools are brilliant.
Why anyone would choose to live in a flat in central london with a family, when you can have such a better quality of life a few miles out is something I dont understand.
You can think of this as a stepping stone, and you can rent it to someone and then rent yourself without losing out financially.

It's very hard but you will just have to make the best of things for the time being. You might have a claim re the broken boiler. Make it as cosy as you can.

If you have just moved in then the boiler will have a warranty,

Thank you all for your messages.🙏

I’ve contacted our solicitors re the boiler but in the meantime booked a new boiler installation as we need one asap.

It’s a resale shared ownership

Sorry thought you had bought from new,

You can buy light and breathe paint for the walls to lighten them up. In summer it’ll be a blessing and in winter string fairy lights in your daughter’s bedroom with cosy cushions and light fabrics. I have a north facing living room and have grown to absolutely love it.

keep colours light and the room clutter free for a brighter feel

Our dream home was very dark in one place, due to a balcony blocking the light. We put spot lights and went for a lightening paint.

sort the moths, boiler - push on solicitors to get something from the vendor towards it and try to enjoy your space. As others said it might be nice to be cooler, London gets very hot in the summer

You've got to chalk the boiler situation up to experience. It should have been verified as part of the sale process ie checked if it was working or evidence of service etc. But can't be helped if no question was ever asked about it. So just get it replaced. I'm not sure I understand why the cost 2x for being on the top floor. Maybe get another quote?
Moths .. London has a lot of moths I'm afraid. Its a constant battle. If you feel this infestation is at extreme levels again you can consult the documentation provided as part of sale to see whether a question was asked about it (I recall a recent court case where the buyers won about moths in a home actually).
But if you've had pest control in, I'd say you have to now just figure out ways to keep under control ( sachets, traps etc).

As to light, I agree. I love light. And it's disappointing your DH didnt listen to you. But do look at alternative lighting ideas eg what about Phlips Hue bulbs and make different scenes and light effects?

Good luck OP. Its common to get new home blues and over time you may come to love the place

Having a secure non rental flat near central London is an incredible asset even if the flat itself is imperfect. I live in a north facing tiny house in London and it is cool and calm. I’ve gradually painted it and made it nice. Take some time to get the boiler sorted and then paint your daughter’s room and make it work.

I would imagine renting out a shared ownership flat (subletting) is not allowed by the HA. You would be subletting a rental property, even if you part own it.

It's tough when you move into a home which needs work and doesn't feel familiar or exciting.

You will be able to do a lot with clever choice of paints, buy testers and check them out. You could lean into dark colours and creat cosy spaces or go for light and reflective. Same with furniture. Things like narrow console tables with a lamp and a plant in a dark hallway and a mirror above. Light curtains which are bigger than the window to make it feel larger. Lots of storage, ottoman beds, floor to ceiling wardrobes (IKEA Pax are amazing for this). Coffee table which is also a storage box / trunk. Bedside cabinets which are chests of drawers so you can fit more in.

We've just moved and when we were packing up our old house it felt so small and pokey once all the mirror, wall art, curtains etc were taken down. The new house is much bigger but has no where near the same level of build in storage and I can't quite work out what to put where so it's chaos at the moment. I'm working my way round each room working out what storage I can add.