New “home” that I hate

[MuttiParma]

I’m not even sure where to begin. English isn’t my first language, so I might ask ChatGPT for help with how to phrase things.

My husband and I have a 7-year-old daughter. We live in one of the most expensive parts of London, and we’ve always loved the neighbourhood. We’ve been renting for years, and just recently we got the keys to our first place, which is a shared ownership flat, only about 200 metres away from where we used to live.

I want to be happy about it, but I can’t. I hate it.

The flat is small, but it was the only thing we could afford to buy. The only real upside is that our monthly costs (mortgage, rent, service charge) are lower than what we paid in rent, so we’ll have more money left over each month. That’s the one good thing.

When we viewed the flat, I told my husband that it felt dark because it’s north-facing. He dismissed it completely. He was focused on how cheap it was compared to our rent. I didn’t stand up for myself, and now I’m stuck here. It’s not just our bedroom, living room. My daughter’s room is dark too. I need sunlight. I need air and light to feel like I can breathe. I feel suffocated.

The building also smells. We didn’t notice it during the viewing, but the ground floor has a mouldy odour. At least we’re on the top floor.

Still, the boiler was supposed to be included in the sale and we assumed that meant it was working. But it’s broken beyond repair. Two engineers confirmed that we need a new one. Because we’re on the top floor and access is difficult, it’ll cost twice as much to replace. We didn’t budget for that.

There’s also a moth infestation. Something else we didn’t notice until we moved in. We’ve already had one round of pest control and have another one booked, but it’s just so much to deal with on top of everything else.

The building is part of a shared ownership development. All the other blocks around us are social housing. I don’t even know if that matters, but it adds to the feeling that I don’t know what we’ve gotten ourselves into.

All I want to do is run. My daughter hates the flat. She said she doesn’t want to move there, and I feel like I failed her.

I want to cry. Sometimes I want to pack up and go back to where I come from, even though I’ve been in the UK for 20 years. To make matters worse, we’re not in the catchment area for a good secondary school.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. I need a space to say all of this without feeling judged.

What surveys were done? Is there mould in your home? Where are the moths? Speak to surveyor about what they should have inspected. When was the boiler last serviced? The HA should ensure the paperwork is in place before new people move in. Shared ownership is a con. You end up trapped. Save the extra money and get out as soon as you can. We are in shared ownership and the rent has gone up 120% since we moved in. It's unaffordable housing and we are trapped as can't get a mortgage on a regular home even with the equity.

You are responsible for the repairs but the HA should have given you some paperwork as shared ownership people are legally required to have boiler serviced every year.

When we brought our house I thought “what have we done”. We also had a boiler that went within afew weeks. It stank and needed a full refurb. As we did the work I grew to love it. It’s a lovely home now. Buying a home is very stressful and you have done really well to get on the ladder. You can take your time and put your stamp on it and will come to love it.

I think it’s always hard when you first move so do give it time to feel like home. I’d be annoyed at having my feelings dismissed but I suppose your husband may have been trying to be positive and realistic about what you could get on your budget. I know that was the case for us. Took me a while to accept my home but I love it now. But worst case you can always sell up in a few years and will lost likely have made some money. In the short term I’d recommend day light lightbulbs rather than warm glow. They made all the difference to our kitchen.

I know how you feel OP. I moved into my first flat just a month ago and as soon as I’d moved I felt sure I’d made a mistake.

It’s smaller than my old rented flat, in a slightly noisier part of town, with a gloomy hall. Plus the furniture from my old flat didn’t quite work in the new one (a possibility I hadn’t even thought of as first time moving with furniture). I nearly had a breakdown unpacking.

I started to feel better once I had a plan for swapping out some furniture, put my full length mirror in the hall facing a window from another room so some light gets in, bought a tall lamp for the living room, a new rug, put my pictures up, got new blinds fitted. It’s finally starting to come together.

I still miss my old flat (damp problem
and all) but the new flat is starting to feel a bit like home.

Life has taught me that nothing is forever! Use your leftover money to make it feel like home and invest in improvements. Even if you stay for 3 years it will make a difference in London. Overpay on the mortgage where possible.
Be firmer about your position next time but you’ll only be miserable if you focus on the negatives at this point. Good luck.

I always comment on these because I HATED my house and was so depressed and now I've been here a year it feels like home and I'm happy. Your daughter is only 7, don't worry about secondary schools yet. You're saving money on rent and you'll have an asset which is great! Take your time, focus on the savings and living in an area you love. Give yourself 3 years then move if you want to/can. Embrace it as your home for now. Your daughter will take her lead from you with how to feel. It'll all be ok.

Sometimes time helps, too. I was absolutely torn up when we moved to our current house - we couldn’t afford to buy in the area we were renting in and I loved where we lived, but the building had just been sold and I knew it was only a matter of time until they kicked us out to finish renovating and triple the price (we were paying well below market because it was old). Also, interest rates were going up and prices weren’t going down.

It made logical sense to buy and move, but I cried like I’ve never cried before the day we moved. It took a few weeks before this house felt anything like home.

Fix what you can, of course, but give yourself time to adjust.

Can you try those lamps they use for SAD syndrome? They are supposed to simulate sunlight. We have a living room that gets very little light. It’s very cool in the summer which is a plus. We painted it yellow.. light coloured floooring and curtains. Massive mirror seemed to help. Lots of lighting. Standing lamps in the corners. Other posters have it right. Think of it as being on the property ladder. Also you might me eligible for a government grant re the boiler? If it was old or outdated. We had a very old back boiler and it was replaced with a grant as bad for the environment. Always worth a google?!

Have you asked your solicitor who dealt with the purchase to check the pre contract enquiries and property information forms?

A moth infestation and non-working boiler are required to be declared (if in UK)

Oh OP this all sounds tough. I would say literally wherever and whenever I've moved I've had buyers remorse. It's just that houses/flats are never perfect, and something has always been left by the previous owner or smells weird. There's also that feeling of living in someone else's house that takes a while to go. Once you've decorated, your things have a proper home, you have a working boiler, it'll feel better hopefully. Do decorate, paint, wallpaper - go a bit mad to make it feel like you.
In a way your husband is right, it's better to own, to save money and it's in your perfect location which honestly counts for SO much. I wonder if some of your feeling just comes from being rail roaded into it, when you didn't get to decide for yourself - nobody likes that.
Unless you're planning on leaving your partner though, I think it's best to try and get on, make it feel homely, don't let your dd see that you don't like it or she'll reflect your feelings back to you. Save money, plan, decorate it nicely and get ready to move somewhere you actually love later. Next time you move, refuse to be pushed into a decision, stand firm and if he won't listen, he isn't a partner is he.
Also remember, next time you move you'll feel the same way, you'll find things you hate, annoying quirks, things will break. It's just a weird thing that happens.

There is a feng shui expert on Youtube (probably also tiktok or something but I don't use that), the channel is called DearModern. I'm addicted. He is like a magician and he has shorts for all kinds of problems. This one about lighting a room with no windows seems like it might be useful to you.

https://youtube.com/shorts/FnCbFe2-WjY?si=MkZvoi_juX9ExNbl

Google wall mounted sun lights!

How long have you been there? We moved into our dream home and I spent the first few weeks hating it. I noticed every fault and I felt panicky. The feeling eventually settled down and I’m so glad we moved. Hopefully you will get used to your place soon.

Mention the moths to them too…as the previous owners would definitely have been aware of that and deliberately failed to mention it.

You can buy paint that enhances light and it does make a difference.

https://www.dulux.co.uk/en/products/dulux-light-space-matt?size=2.5L

You can also use mirrors and choose colours that work in morth facing rooms to keep things lighter and brighter. There is lots of advice about this online.

https://www.idealhome.co.uk/all-rooms/all-rooms-decor/how-to-decorate-a-north-facing-room

No it won’t. That’s why it should be checked before exchange.

It sounds as if you jumped too soon. Did your surveyor point out the damp or infestation? If not, you may have a claim against him/her. In the meantime,I’d suggest white (or very pale walls) and daylight bulbs. Sellers are recommended to hang mirrors to give the illusion of space, that might help too.
I loved our home when viewing but when we moved and saw all the faults I cried for a week. But we made little improvements and were soon happy despite the work done by the previous owner not to a standard that we would have done.
Is it essential that you stay in the area, because you might be happier in a home that you like elsewhere - you have probably prioritised the area rather than the living conditions in house.
We have to move again, soon and I’ll be more picky looking for potential problems. Zoopla have a great checklist for buyers on their site, if you have to move again