New “home” that I hate

[MuttiParma]

I’m not even sure where to begin. English isn’t my first language, so I might ask ChatGPT for help with how to phrase things.

My husband and I have a 7-year-old daughter. We live in one of the most expensive parts of London, and we’ve always loved the neighbourhood. We’ve been renting for years, and just recently we got the keys to our first place, which is a shared ownership flat, only about 200 metres away from where we used to live.

I want to be happy about it, but I can’t. I hate it.

The flat is small, but it was the only thing we could afford to buy. The only real upside is that our monthly costs (mortgage, rent, service charge) are lower than what we paid in rent, so we’ll have more money left over each month. That’s the one good thing.

When we viewed the flat, I told my husband that it felt dark because it’s north-facing. He dismissed it completely. He was focused on how cheap it was compared to our rent. I didn’t stand up for myself, and now I’m stuck here. It’s not just our bedroom, living room. My daughter’s room is dark too. I need sunlight. I need air and light to feel like I can breathe. I feel suffocated.

The building also smells. We didn’t notice it during the viewing, but the ground floor has a mouldy odour. At least we’re on the top floor.

Still, the boiler was supposed to be included in the sale and we assumed that meant it was working. But it’s broken beyond repair. Two engineers confirmed that we need a new one. Because we’re on the top floor and access is difficult, it’ll cost twice as much to replace. We didn’t budget for that.

There’s also a moth infestation. Something else we didn’t notice until we moved in. We’ve already had one round of pest control and have another one booked, but it’s just so much to deal with on top of everything else.

The building is part of a shared ownership development. All the other blocks around us are social housing. I don’t even know if that matters, but it adds to the feeling that I don’t know what we’ve gotten ourselves into.

All I want to do is run. My daughter hates the flat. She said she doesn’t want to move there, and I feel like I failed her.

I want to cry. Sometimes I want to pack up and go back to where I come from, even though I’ve been in the UK for 20 years. To make matters worse, we’re not in the catchment area for a good secondary school.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. I need a space to say all of this without feeling judged.

Sorry you feel like this OP, we bought a place a couple of years ago and initially that felt like a mistake because it needed work and wasn’t ’ready to go’ like our rentals had been. I love it now however. North facing could be a blessing, you will never be woken by the sun blasting in, it should stay cool and you won’t be blinded in the evenings!

There was a thread here the other day from someone else who bought a flat in London that is too hot, 30 degrees in the flat which was much hotter than the weather outdoors. I’d much rather a flat that was dark and cool than dealing with the heat.

My DS London flat is bright and sunny but it’s also unbearably hot for the whole summer. You can paint the walls light and add plants etc. it’ll help

I would focus on making it into a lovely cosy nest. It is YOUR house, you own it, so buy flowers and hanging plants and bring the outside in! Create a jungle atmosphere or a pink girly palace.

Your dd is picking up on your feelings and mirroring them. You can change this by adding excitement to this new project. You can make it super beautiful and then in 2/3 years you can sell for a profit and buy something near to an outstanding secondary school. This can be your plan. You are on the property ladder at last - you have savings and extra money. This was a good decision.

But

From now on - never let anyone override your voice and your opinion. Start practicing no. Start standing your ground. Your dh does not call the shots, you are equal.

In a years time - you can start researching new places, schools etc. You are where you are but only for the very short term.

Thank you

Do you want to move home op? Is this behind your feelings? Or are you happy in London overall?

What does the shared ownership contract say about HA help with repairs. There's usually a cobtribution they will pay towards repairs but it varies.

I’ve asked the HA and they confirmed it’s our responsibility x

Nope, I’m certain I want to stay in that area.

Get rid of the moths
you can buy moth bombs which are cheap
and effective
do that before you replace and carpets / furniture as they will ruin it quickly

you have cheaper rent / mortgage
your in an area you like
paint the walls white or very light colours put up light curtains or blinds to keep the room feeling light and airy

Look into the ECO4 home scheme for a new boiler, I’ve just had one fitted completely free.

You live in London in an area you like and few can afford. I would get started on having the apartment furnished and painted to my needs.
Your daughter is super lucky. Few children can grow up with all the opportunities that are in London.

Well, I’d focus on this as a huge positive. I think what you’re experiencing is a combination of buyer’s remorse (which is so inevitable it’s pretty much part of the property purchasing process, like surveys and conveyancing) and something that affects longterm renters — what you can afford to buy is seldom as nice as what you could afford to rent. That was certainly the case for us when we bought our tiny (north-facing) London flat, and I’ve seen similar with friends. I can’t decide about your husband’s role. Did he poohpooh your reservations, or did he reasonably think this was the best you could afford now in your area and persuade you?

Either way, @KnickerlessParsons ’s post is a good one. Make this flat work for you now, and for a few years, and sell it for more money and move on.

I think you might feel better if you can take ownership of the situation a bit. Agree with your husband that some of the saving each month can be put towards making the home nice. Use chat gpt to help you imagine what it could look like.

Agree make regular complaints to management company about smell. Set a reminder on your phone and do one email or call a week until it's sorted. You'll feel like you're not just sitting idly by.

Speak to your conveyancing solicitor about whether any presumption of a boiler in working order being left by the sellers, probably not but no harm in checking.

North facing is honestly a blessing in a new(ish) build flat. It’ll save you sweltering in high summer! And it must be great that you can afford to stay in your dream area and are saving money every month. Sort the boiler, deal with the moths (bombs are cheap and effective), then get decorating to make it feel like home- loads of good ideas online for good colours for N facing rooms. DD is obviously picking up on your negativity and realistically you’re stuck there for at least medium term so focus on the positives. Don’t worry about secondary schools- a lot can and probably will change between now and then so I wouldn’t even think about it until DD is in Y5 and if they’re still bad then that’s your obvious time to move. You have a bigger issue with your DH though.

Agree with others that a dark cool flat will be a bonus in the summer. I've lived in a south facing flat and it was unbearable in hot weather, had to keep blinds and windows closed during the day so it was effectively as dark as north facing but boiling hot

Who did you buy the property from (i.e. was it a previous owner who owned 100%, or was it from their landlord)? Was the standard form that details fixtures, fittings and whether they are working included as part of the sale process? In a normal sale (I don't know if it's different if you buy from a landlord in a shared ownership arrangement), if the seller has lied on the forms, the buyer can bring a claim against them for property misrepresentation. If the claim is successful, damages may be awarded for the difference in value of what you paid (based on the misrepresentation) and what you would have paid if you had known the truth.

Contact the HA in writing regarding the mould issue on the lower floor and ask for a timeline of when it will be sorted out.

In terms of lack of natural daylight, you can buy special sunlight lamps and lightbulbs that simulate sunlight, which will help. (Of course it's not great to have to turn a light on all the time, but if you all end up staying there, then it's important for your wellbeing that you all try to make it as nice as possible.)

Don't beat yourself up over the decision. I bought what I could afford, loved it on viewing and hated it from the second I got the keys, when I discovered the damage the previous owner had done. Sometimes people will grow to love their property, somtimes they won't. Just think of the positives so you don't get too bogged down in unhappy feelings -

• you could actually afford to buy property
• you now have a place of your own, which will (hopefully) increase in value
• your outgoings are now less than they were when you were renting
• this doesn't have to be your 'forever' home. You can stay there and staircase your ownership levels, then buy somewhere else when you're in the financial position to do so

I felt like that about my house when I moved in, and I love it now. it’s all so overwhelming . I’m sure things will settle down and you will feel better, tell yourself I’ll give it a year and then take action if I still hate it x

It's early days, give it time. It might not be what you wanted but it's yours.

Try and focus on the positives, you now have more spare money each month. Whether you use that to pay down the mortgage or enable you to have extra treats or days out for your daughter, that's a win.

It's a foot on the ladder which is so so hard these days, nevermind in London!

If you still hate it in 6 months, formulate a longer term plan. Think how much you will have paid off the mortgage and how you might use this to step onto the next rung for your next place.

Hopefully once you've decorated and out your own stamp on it you'll feel better.

Think of it as a starting position.

You have a well locates property and it's costing less than your previous accommodation.

Brighten it up and make the most of it, then become really focused on saving every penny that you have so that you will have more options to move at a later stage.

I'm sorry you feel you've been dragged into buying a home you don't like.

Assume you want to make the best of it? They're each relatively small problems.

Lack of light, do some research and see what can be done. In particular look into 'daylight bulbs', different lumens and warmths.its never going to be sunny but you can make it bright and inviting.

Moths and boiler - you'll get that fixed.

Musty Hall - find out who is responsible. There may be a cost to getting it fixed. You could just spray Febreze everywhere.

And get out if the house as much as possible. At least you know tge area. Far better to have dd out and about to parks, museums, etc.

The mortgage is less than your old rent so maybe the next 6 or 12 months savings are spent fixing these problems and after that it's all saving for your next place.

Its a stepping stone, just a few tears on your journey up the housing ladder.

Just reading and didn't want to fly by. Some great advice from previous posts. Not living in London but did previously buy a house that I loved itself but location wasn't ideal and believe me location always wins out in the end. And it is fantastic you will have some left over money wise. Please put most of it aside or whatever u can each month.
Good luck x

Thank you all very much! You’re amazing in putting things into perspective x

Also while your DD might not like her bedroom as much as previous one, my children really appreciated not having to be super careful anymore (we had a very fussy landlord). Marks on the bedroom wall - not problem. They helped paint as well

There will be loads you can do to make it nice. Festoon your daughters room in fairy lights and decorate it in bright colours.

Use lots of ambient lighting in your living area with daylight bulbs.

Look on insta for ideas for decorating dark homes. The location is the main thing, you're lucky to have found a place where you wanted to live. Don't worry about secondary schools yet - it's a way off and you may have moved again by then or consider public transport

You can make it lovely!