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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop BF because I want to?

61 replies

LowBatteryMode · 31/05/2025 08:22

I had a very high risk pregnancy and a traumatic birth with heavy blood loss, a cardiac arrest, and two days in a coma. I couldn’t feed DD at first and honestly, no one expected I’d breastfeed at all. But I was determined and with a lot of support, I managed to establish a supply.

DD is 16wks now. She’s been on 100% breast milk since about 2-3 wks and I’m really proud of that. I set myself a goal of 3 months, which I’ve now reached and loosely hoped to get to 9 mths like I did with my first, DD(5).

She’s doing really well, steadily on 50th centile and takes breast and bottle happily. We kept breastfeeding at breast just for night feeds for bonding time and the hormonal boost. But she’s started sleeping through the night once we stopped scheduling and letting her do her one thing naturally. She does a solid 7-8 hours sleep on breast milk alone so we’re not even getting that night-time breastfeed anymore (not complaining though, DD(5) didn’t sleep through for a very very long time, I know we’re lucky right now).

So, I’m mostly pumping. I do have a hands-free pump (which is probably the only reason I’ve made it this far), but I still have to stop and think about it constantly. When to pump, when to eat, what to eat, what to take if I have to be away from the house for more than 3hrs, pumping before I leave, how to fit it all in etc. It’s not painful or awful, it’s just starting to feel, uncomfortable. Like a constant, low-level background noise.

Parenting is full of discomfort, I get that, but I don’t want to make life harder than it needs to be. At the same time, I want to do what’s best for her, and that’s the bit I’m struggling with. I BF/combi fed her sister for 9 mths.

Funnily enough I actually feel more connected to her when I bottle feed her myself, but I only do a few. DP works from home and is very involved, so he does a lot of the feeds while I pump.

It’s not a big emotional crisis, I’m not sobbing about it. It’s just starting to feel like a bit of a drag. We also have a holiday coming up when she’ll be around 6 mths, and the thought of travelling with the pump, sterilising bits, and planning time to express is already stressing me out.
But I don’t know how re-introducing formula will go and do to her belly and nice little sleeping routine.

So AIBU to think about stopping, even though ‘technically’ everything is going well?

YANBU: 3m is enough, it’s ok to stop now
YABU: It’s going well, why would you stop now?

(NC as some details could be outing and don’t want tied to previous posts.)

OP posts:
Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:22

Is anyone in RL telling you not to stop?

Cnidarian · 31/05/2025 08:24

It's OK you can stop 💐

WolfFoxHare · 31/05/2025 08:24

YANBU at all! Parenting is hard enough, you’ve gone through a really tough time and done an amazing job to get this far. No-one reasonable would judge you for stopping now.

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:24

I wouldn’t describe , it’s just starting to feel, uncomfortable. Like a constant, low-level background noise. is being “technically everything is going well

if you don’t want to, then don’t!

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:25

You didn’t need to give any background detail at ALL

you want to stop. Stop.

the end

AndyouWILLATONE · 31/05/2025 08:25

Yanbu feed your baby whatever way you please. If your happy baby will be and baby doesn't care if it's breast or bottle just that it's fed and mum is okay. I'm sorry to hear you've had an awful time. Best wishes to you ❤️

DarkForces · 31/05/2025 08:28

I promise I'm a decade this won't even be a blip on your radar. No one can tell which child was fed in which way. On an individual level it makes no difference. Do whatever makes most sense to you. It's ok to stop 🤗

Original poster
LowBatteryMode · 31/05/2025 08:28

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:22

Is anyone in RL telling you not to stop?

Absolutely not. DP is supportive of me stopping when feels right, DM has told me I need to do what’s right for me.

I fully accept my guilt is all of my own making. It still feels very really though and I worry about regretting stopping so soon.

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 31/05/2025 08:30

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:25

You didn’t need to give any background detail at ALL

you want to stop. Stop.

the end

This.

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:31

Funnily enough I actually feel more connected to her when I bottle feed her myself,

Focus on this then to alleviate the guilt.

op everyone in rl saying.. do it
it’s not “technically” all going well because you say you feel uncomfortable and find it very restricting

just… stop. And enjoy the bottle feeds

Maray1967 · 31/05/2025 08:35

I expressed for a few weeks with both of mine but only produced a few ounces a day - so mine were on a mix of breast milk and formula more or less right from the start. Both were fine. How about introducing formula for some of the feeds and then stepping it up over a week or so?

Original poster
LowBatteryMode · 31/05/2025 08:37

Thank you so much for your posts of encouragement. I know you’re all (overwhelmingly) right.

Not sure why I’m mentally doing this to myself when everyone and everything is telling me it’s ok to do what I want to do and she’ll be ok.
i think I might still be on high alert after everything that happened and I don’t want to get it wrong for her sake. But she’s a wonderful baby and has made our family complete. I love her so much, I think I’m realising thr pumping schedule is actually keeping me from her a little bit.

OP posts:
Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:38

So you do all the pumping

but then rarely actually have the pleasure of bottle feeding her?

chocomoccalocca · 31/05/2025 08:40

I would stop, my ds2 would never latch so guilt kept me pumping for nearly 6 months but it was during Covid and I couldn’t really go anywhere so it was different. Also it was such a relief when I stopped for both myself but also my partner who had to pick up the slack whilst I pumped. They have had a good start I really wouldn’t worry about making yourself keep going.

DarkForces · 31/05/2025 08:42

I couldn't keep up pumping for 24 hours. I found it absolutely hideous. I don't regret stopping at all now, although I felt so guilty at the time. I wish I could tell myself that dd would be fine and a champion gymnast at 13, so please don't waste this time feeling bad. Enjoy the lovely baby snuggles and remember the thing that's most important in their life is having present and attached parents. You care enough to think this through. You are a fantastic mum however you decide to feed them

Original poster
LowBatteryMode · 31/05/2025 08:42

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:38

So you do all the pumping

but then rarely actually have the pleasure of bottle feeding her?

Yeah 😬 Ok I know. Now that you out it that way I can see I’m not doing us any favours.
I just got it into my head that the breast milk was what was best for her, especially with us both in hospital for a bit with the immunity benefits and they really drum into you about infection control etc. plus I had health anxiety when I was in so I really thought I was doing what was best. But now we’re home and I’m not sure the benefits outweigh the downsides anymore.

OP posts:
Holly485 · 31/05/2025 08:43

You can stop whenever you like - why would you take all the pumping stuff on holiday though? Surely you'd just BF her rather than pumping and bottle feeding if you're around all day? You'd still have to sterilise bottles if you're using bottles on holiday but if you just BF then no sterilising or equipment required.

If it's the pumping rather than the BFing that you're sick of then why not switch the bottle to formula and BF her when you're around? Would that be an easier compromise for you?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/05/2025 08:45

Cnidarian · 31/05/2025 08:24

It's OK you can stop 💐

This. Please don’t beat yourself up about it.

Original poster
LowBatteryMode · 31/05/2025 08:49

Holly485 · 31/05/2025 08:43

You can stop whenever you like - why would you take all the pumping stuff on holiday though? Surely you'd just BF her rather than pumping and bottle feeding if you're around all day? You'd still have to sterilise bottles if you're using bottles on holiday but if you just BF then no sterilising or equipment required.

If it's the pumping rather than the BFing that you're sick of then why not switch the bottle to formula and BF her when you're around? Would that be an easier compromise for you?

Fair point. Direct BF is not the easiest for me either if I’m honest, hence the pumping. She latched fine but I find it awkward and get back ache going too long. Have had sessions with a brilliant lactation consultant which improved things massively but I have big boobs and I find it hard. It’s fine at home with a million pillows but I’d struggle to BF on the go or anything like that.

I like the idea of introducing formula and just BF as/when I can. That might be a good way to let it peeter out on its own rather than stop abruptly.

OP posts:
Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:50

This is far from “technically everything going well” in my eyes op!

PicaK · 31/05/2025 08:52

You stop. I wanted to stop but couldn't find any help. Second everyone saying do it gradually tho. Watch out for the signs of mastitis and get yourself to Dr or A&E pronto if you have any.

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:53

PicaK · 31/05/2025 08:52

You stop. I wanted to stop but couldn't find any help. Second everyone saying do it gradually tho. Watch out for the signs of mastitis and get yourself to Dr or A&E pronto if you have any.

The beauty of stopping is that you don’t need help! You just… stop!

Multiplegums · 31/05/2025 08:53

You had a cardiac arrest during your birth Op??

BaronessBomburst · 31/05/2025 08:54

Why are you still pumping if she feeds at the breast?
I understand pumping at the beginning to establish your supply; I had to do it too. But you're 16 weeks on. Surely it's no longer necessary?
If you wanted to exclusively BF that would do away with bottles and sterilising altogether, so definitely easier for your holiday.
But ultimately you need to do what works best for both you and the baby.
Just don't be swayed by other people wanting to bottle feed her. They don't need to. It won't affect her bonding with her father, grandma or anyone else.

Totallytoti · 31/05/2025 08:54

you have my permission