To stop BF because I want to?

[LowBatteryMode]

I had a very high risk pregnancy and a traumatic birth with heavy blood loss, a cardiac arrest, and two days in a coma. I couldn’t feed DD at first and honestly, no one expected I’d breastfeed at all. But I was determined and with a lot of support, I managed to establish a supply.

DD is 16wks now. She’s been on 100% breast milk since about 2-3 wks and I’m really proud of that. I set myself a goal of 3 months, which I’ve now reached and loosely hoped to get to 9 mths like I did with my first, DD(5).

She’s doing really well, steadily on 50th centile and takes breast and bottle happily. We kept breastfeeding at breast just for night feeds for bonding time and the hormonal boost. But she’s started sleeping through the night once we stopped scheduling and letting her do her one thing naturally. She does a solid 7-8 hours sleep on breast milk alone so we’re not even getting that night-time breastfeed anymore (not complaining though, DD(5) didn’t sleep through for a very very long time, I know we’re lucky right now).

So, I’m mostly pumping. I do have a hands-free pump (which is probably the only reason I’ve made it this far), but I still have to stop and think about it constantly. When to pump, when to eat, what to eat, what to take if I have to be away from the house for more than 3hrs, pumping before I leave, how to fit it all in etc. It’s not painful or awful, it’s just starting to feel, uncomfortable. Like a constant, low-level background noise.

Parenting is full of discomfort, I get that, but I don’t want to make life harder than it needs to be. At the same time, I want to do what’s best for her, and that’s the bit I’m struggling with. I BF/combi fed her sister for 9 mths.

Funnily enough I actually feel more connected to her when I bottle feed her myself, but I only do a few. DP works from home and is very involved, so he does a lot of the feeds while I pump.

It’s not a big emotional crisis, I’m not sobbing about it. It’s just starting to feel like a bit of a drag. We also have a holiday coming up when she’ll be around 6 mths, and the thought of travelling with the pump, sterilising bits, and planning time to express is already stressing me out.
But I don’t know how re-introducing formula will go and do to her belly and nice little sleeping routine.

So AIBU to think about stopping, even though ‘technically’ everything is going well?

YANBU: 3m is enough, it’s ok to stop now
YABU: It’s going well, why would you stop now?

(NC as some details could be outing and don’t want tied to previous posts.)

Okay, cross-posted with you explaining that you BF directly is problematic.

Yep 😅 I had a high risk pregnancy and was expected to bleed a lot though so medical team was prepared. But I bled so much in such a short time during that my heart stopped 🫠 They had to induce sleep for a bit for me to recover.
The team were fantastic though.

Is your dd your only child?

Why was your pregnancy high risk?

I think there’s a risk of mastitis if you just stop abruptly. My breasts do get engorged and very painful if I don’t pump in time so I’d imagine mastitis is a real possibility for me.

You have done very well so far; it sounds like it is the pumping that is becoming exhausting. Could you reduce that and feed at the breast more?

Yes taper down but can be swift

drop a pump today
drop another in 2 days
drop another 2 days later

by end of end… a distant memory

Nope, that’s a fabulous reason to stop. Got to put yourself first - ‘as is the mother, so is the family’.

No DD is out second, we also have a 5yr old but seen to have forgotten so much! I think I was really sleep deprived and it was lockdown days then so everything was a fog and stumbling through trial and error without much support.

High risk was because I had placenta percreta this time around, where the placenta goes through the womb wall and can sometimes attach itself to other organs like the bladder or bowel. I didn’t have any other organ involvement thankfully but did end up having a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding and save my life.

It’s fine though, we wanted 2 kids. Our family is complete and I don’t have to worry about periods any more so it’s all good 😌

Oh op I know you are from other threads

good heavens… give it up and start enjoying life more!

I’m thinking this is probably the way to go!

Honestly, after posting this thread and all the encouraging and helpful messages from everyone I feel so much lighter.

Thank you ☺️

Yeah you’re probably right. But it’s hard sometimes. Especially if, like me, you’re in a certain habit of thinking, especially about negative outcomes and consequences. It’s not so easy not to overthink everything and worry about doing the right thing.

I am trying though and I think slowly getting better at enjoying life more.

I loved breastfeeding, but HATED pumping. So boring and I barely got any milk from it. You should feel no guilt about stopping.

Not so easy if the baby isn’t used to a bottle, though. I stopped EBFing both of mine at around 5 months - despite seemingly endless feeds they evidently weren’t getting enough. TBH I couldn’t wait to get them on to a bottle, but it did take a lot of persistence! They were NOT impressed.

It was a profound relief both times when they suddenly decided to take it - and I knew they’d had a full bottle in one go.

Combo feeding is a real option and saved my breastfeeding journey!!

formula when it’s convenient, breastfeeding when I wanted to ❤️ best of both worlds.

It is also totally fine to just stop if that’s what’s right for you!

DC’s only ever had formula from day one - my choice. Still perfect. Happy and healthy babies equals happy parents.

How about just pumping if you’re feeling over full and it’s convenient, and not if you aren’t or it isn’t? And bfing if your back’s comfy and you feel like it, and not if not? And FFing the rest of the time.

I had a traumatic birth with our first and was very anxious and imagining lots of negative outcomes. I tended to ruminate a lot. And BFing was something I felt I was good at (though never enjoyed), it was a security I could hang on to that I was ‘doing it right’ or ‘doing ok’. I think this exacerbated me feeling I needed , not exactly permission to stop, but reassurance it would be ok and I would be ok.

I started by stopping pumping, so bottles were formula and he was mix fed. I wasn’t getting engorged anyway any more, so it was great to go out without preparing anything either for myself or for baby, and DH could do the dream feed with formula. That was liberating. It also gave me the space to realise that things were still ok with formula in our lives. We continued like that a couple of months and stopped for other reasons (teething and biting).

You can stop whenever you want. I stopped after about a week as I hated every minute of it.

Do what you want to.
I didn't even START BF because I didn't want to

Pumping is awful. I would knock that on the head pronto and just focus on BF and see how you go. You have already done a lot more than most (esp given your health challenges) so no need to be wracked with guilt if you stop today.

OP I hope it will reassure you to know that my two are now 25 and 17 - strappingly healthy and doing well in every way. DS2 has very mild hay fever and had a bit of eczema when a toddler - but my entirely bf goddaughter had both as well.

Basically my two are walking adverts for Cow & Gate …

To stop breastfeeding because I want to ?

yes

The bottom paragraph is key.

You stop when ever you are ready. Honesty. If you want to do it as an when you feel like it great, if you want to stop now that is great too. Although it would be useful to reduce slowly to help reduce risks of mastitis etc.

Every single drop of breastmilk you have given Her is worthwhile. When you stop that won't change.

DH and I joked we should have had shares in a formula milk company due to the amount DT’s got through!