To stop BF because I want to?

[LowBatteryMode]

I had a very high risk pregnancy and a traumatic birth with heavy blood loss, a cardiac arrest, and two days in a coma. I couldn’t feed DD at first and honestly, no one expected I’d breastfeed at all. But I was determined and with a lot of support, I managed to establish a supply.

DD is 16wks now. She’s been on 100% breast milk since about 2-3 wks and I’m really proud of that. I set myself a goal of 3 months, which I’ve now reached and loosely hoped to get to 9 mths like I did with my first, DD(5).

She’s doing really well, steadily on 50th centile and takes breast and bottle happily. We kept breastfeeding at breast just for night feeds for bonding time and the hormonal boost. But she’s started sleeping through the night once we stopped scheduling and letting her do her one thing naturally. She does a solid 7-8 hours sleep on breast milk alone so we’re not even getting that night-time breastfeed anymore (not complaining though, DD(5) didn’t sleep through for a very very long time, I know we’re lucky right now).

So, I’m mostly pumping. I do have a hands-free pump (which is probably the only reason I’ve made it this far), but I still have to stop and think about it constantly. When to pump, when to eat, what to eat, what to take if I have to be away from the house for more than 3hrs, pumping before I leave, how to fit it all in etc. It’s not painful or awful, it’s just starting to feel, uncomfortable. Like a constant, low-level background noise.

Parenting is full of discomfort, I get that, but I don’t want to make life harder than it needs to be. At the same time, I want to do what’s best for her, and that’s the bit I’m struggling with. I BF/combi fed her sister for 9 mths.

Funnily enough I actually feel more connected to her when I bottle feed her myself, but I only do a few. DP works from home and is very involved, so he does a lot of the feeds while I pump.

It’s not a big emotional crisis, I’m not sobbing about it. It’s just starting to feel like a bit of a drag. We also have a holiday coming up when she’ll be around 6 mths, and the thought of travelling with the pump, sterilising bits, and planning time to express is already stressing me out.
But I don’t know how re-introducing formula will go and do to her belly and nice little sleeping routine.

So AIBU to think about stopping, even though ‘technically’ everything is going well?

YANBU: 3m is enough, it’s ok to stop now
YABU: It’s going well, why would you stop now?

(NC as some details could be outing and don’t want tied to previous posts.)

Can you just stop pumping? I never pumped, I would have hated it. It seems a bit mad you're going to so much effort and not actually getting to enjoy a lot of feeds with her. Sorry if I overlooked you have to pump for some reason

Seems like you're getting the worst of both worlds by pumping. Why are you pumping?
Pretty sure in all the studies babies on expressed BM come out the same as formula fed babies. There's no reason to if she happily takes formula. We're not in the States where formula is $$$.
The joy of breast feeding is you can leave your house with the baby and not have to lug a bunch of stuff around, not have to clean bottles etc.

Have you tried just latching her for a whole weekend to see if you find it easier with more practise. If you've only been doing it once a day I can see how it would be awkward. At 16 weeks I'd think she'd only take 5 minutes a feed so over a day much quicker than pumping, feeding and cleaning everything. I would just BF for holiday as its easy and then go to formula if you want. Stop pumping though, there's no benefits.

Breastfeeding past 4/5 months is incredibly easy, easier than making up bottles, in my experience. I LOVED bf at 5-7 months.

Pumping is a completely different ballgame. I had to go back to work full time at 7 months and had to start pumping. Baby had a severe dairy allergy, completely rejected the prescription formula, i had no choice but to persevere.

Pumping made me suicidal and I wasn't even doing it full time!!! I cannot imagine anything worse and even the sight of a pump makes me shudder. I honestly think I will not have another child because of it.

And yes, pumping when travelling would be horrible, 100 times worse than formula.

Please just stop. You gave your baby the best start in life. You have done amazingly well. Time to take care of yourself a bit.

I think someone asked why I pumped and it’s because in the early days we were separated, so it was the only way she could have breast milk. I’m genuinely grateful I was able to do that, it got us through a really hard time. But now that we’re past that, it’s started to feel more like a routine I’m stuck in, rather than something that’s helping either of us. It’s served its purpose, but I think I’m just ready to move on from it.

I’ve appreciated the supportive posts on here, I feel a bit relieved to have decided to stop now, even if I do it gradually. I guess that tells me all I need to know 🫠

Is baby fed? That's all you need to worry about.

Is there a reason why you pump for other people to feed though? I am only asking because one of the biggest bonuses of BF for me is that I am lazy - I didn't need to worry about sterilising, planning when feeds would be etc.

At the end of the day, unless you are talking about bottle feeding Victorian style (cows milk, bottles not even washed let alone sterilised) of course you are not being unreasonable. You have to do what works for you and your baby.

Breastfeeding should stop once it’s no longer working for one partner in the dyad.

Plot twist, she’s now (literally as of today) refusing the breast 😒
I’ve been watching some YouTube videos on nursing strikes so hopefully just a blip as pain has been setting in. Will pump to alleviate, get some rest and try the new regime again tomorrow. Wish us luck 🤞🏽
(and thank you again for all the positive input)

This and I am so sorry about your traumatic birth. I hope you are recovering well

I breastfed all three of my kids, and each one was very different! I did a whole mixture of expressing, breastfeeding and mixed feeding, all for different amounts of time for each. Basically, whatever fitted me and baby best best at the time. I have to say that lots of expressing was the hardest work, there's no harm introducing a bottle a day and see how you feel.

You can stop whenever you want, but why do you need to think about what you eat and when you eat?

Absolutely do what suits you. Under the traumatic circumstances surrounding her birth, you’ve done incredibly well. You should be very proud of what you’ve achieved.