Bitchy work colleague I’d had enough!

[rainydaysamonday24]

Keeping this short. I have a work colleague who will often make a snide comment about another colleague to you. They make a huge fuss if they are in the slightest bit “busy”, whilst the rest of us have to listen. They are currently in a team that is managed by a colleague who has been the job a long time. Has experience. This particular colleague really wants this position.
Today we had a team meeting about a new project.
Earlier in the morning I had to meet with this particular colleague as my work slightly overlaps with there’s.
I made a point about the project that the manager had notified us about. They hadn’t notified the rest of their team so I decided we would pick up that part of the project. The colleague said yeah fine - I don’t care either way.
At a big staff meeting this colleague then went on to say sarcastically that I had “stolen” this part of the project! Like what the!
im an easy going person and don’t get angry at work, but I was so annoyed that they had try to make out that I had done this - so I said in a firm voice that wasn’t true. And the only reason they wanted that part of the project back was because the senior managers were really keen to hear the completion of.
the colleague looked shocked I’d spoken out.
i admit i don’t feel great about any of this and I don’t like confrontation. I did get upset and I took myself off somewhere else to work.
what should I do? I think just a combination of having to listen to all the bitching form one person.

well done for standing up for yourself, hopefully your colleague will think twice next time

Thank you. It was tough to do. I’ve also been second guessing should I have said anything as another colleague, let’s call them a peace maker , was saying it’s only one project - no need to get so upset etc.
also same peacemaker was letting member of an entirely different work floor know “what happened”.
i don’t want to get the reputation of being a grumpy woman.

Go you! Well done!!

I still dont feel like a did a good thing 😩
I didn’t sleep at all last night. I’m dreading Monday morning.
The ‘peace maker’ colleague, groan! , basically said I over reacted.

If they're adults, this will have blown over by Monday.

If asserting your boundaries in the workplace means colleagues see you as a grumpy woman you can’t control that. The alternative would have been you said nothing and you would have been seen as a doormat (not challenging colleague) or cherry picking parts of the project (not challenging colleague).

There's someone like this on my team. Completely intolerable and finds an issue with everything. Has a bee in her bonnet every day about something and is constantly bitching about those outside her click. She has a real chip on her shoulder and is completely grabby too. Any freebies she takes and dislikes contributing to collections. Your colleague sounds similar. It sounds like a tiring and sad existence tbh. I ignore her now. Thankfully I don't need to speak to her as our work no longer overlaps. If I were you I'd play it cool from now on, let her know that you won't be taking any more of her s**t .

Why don't you want to get the reputation of being grumpy or difficult? I find people being slightly intimidated by you and having firm boundaries gets you more respect at work.

But you're not getting upset about a project. You're simply making sure that people don't think that you are stealing work - especially if people might think you stole it just to look good.
You were absolutely within your rights to step in and say 'actually Bob that's not what happened, we agreed I would take it'.

You stood up for yourself in the face of this woman’s lies. I don’t think you need to feel bad at all!

Why are you referring to the colleague as “they” all the time? Your colleague is either a man or a woman a he or a she and if the colleague thinks otherwise they are mentally ill, but stop pandering pleassssse. He’s taking the piss.

I found your text a bit hard to follow; you were trying to write formally but it lost some meaning around why you picked up the work. It is not uncommon to talk about "stealing work" as a joke, and I wonder if you got annoyed about a joke. Or at least something others perceived to be a joke, regardless of the woman's intention. Regardless, holding a boundary in how someone speaks directly about you is reasonable. Even in your annoyance, you stayed professional and haven't done anything worthy of any type of disciplinary warning, so there is nothing for you to worry about. People are there to work with you, it doesn't matter if they think you're a bit sensitive or not. Hold your head high, assert boundaries when you want, stop over- thinking as that wastes energy.

I always hated confrontation at work but as I got old and less tolerant I began to speak out more, and was probably seen as being a bit grumpy. It was much much better than being seen as the pushover I’ve previously been. And colleagues who knew me well still treated me exactly the same as before .
You did exactly the right thing in speaking up

I wouldn’t give this a second thought if this happened in one of my meetings.

If you don’t normally speak up for yourself it will feel uncomfortable when you do (practice will make it easier 😜)

I would just act like nothing has happened and if someone asks just be nonchalant and just say oh I was just putting my side forward kind of thing and change the subject!

@Summertime62thank you. I think what added to me stressing about it was this colleague who tries to be the peace maker , just asserting her opinions on what I should do and re telling other colleagues what happened in a “oh I’m so concerned , hope XXX is ok etc..”.
just made it all worse.

I have found myself trodden on at work because I am a people pleaser. There is something magnificently liberating about what you did, and I think it will change you for the better. Once you've justifiably asserted yourself professionally, the horrible person and others will take note that you're not a walkover - good for you!

I think I'd find Peacemaker more annoying. Is the bitchy colleague male?

Yes. My ‘don’t fuck with me’ reputation, in reality based on nothing more than a few minor instances of assertiveness at meetings when I was new) has been very useful.

This ‘peacemaker’ sounds tiresome aswell as your other colleague. You haven’t done anything wrong. I really wish I had of stood up for myself in the same way in the past. I’m proud of you!

Good for you for standing up for yourself. You did the right thing. But all of this sounds dysfunctional. Why is this coworker allowed to spread all this toxicity. Why is this "peace maker" coworker trying to pacify them? Where is your manager in all this?

I think a good conversation with your manager is in order. I would also look into getting another job. Things should never have progressed to this point.

Side note: Please don't use misogynist slurs to describe other women, no matter how unreasonable they are. It just feeds into the patriarchy.

Peacemake is absolutely toxic.

Be very wary of her inserting herself and creating drama.

Dial everything down and refuse to allow her to tell you how you feel or how your reacted.

She is dangerous and I would suspect a two faced bitch.
Avoid.

Keep notes of whats going on.
On monday do not discuss further.
Dismiss it as over and if she tries to discuss ask her why she is going on about it.

Whats your manager like?
Perhaps a chat where you can casually mention your discomfort.

Assuming peacemaker is not your manager, if they mention it again next week just close it down immediately and don't engage. By keep mentioning it they are (intentionally or otherwise) stirring the pot. Just let it blow over. But well done you for standing up for yourself!!

Far better to be seen as grumpy than a pushover, any day!

This.

Hopefully now you’ve spoken out it’ll give others the confidence to do the same in future.

Well done. But I don’t this is bitchness. It’s arse covering and looking for ways to blame other people. Which you have circumvented. Stick to your guns and don’t, whatever you do, get drawn into conversation about it.