Bitchy work colleague I’d had enough!

[rainydaysamonday24]

Keeping this short. I have a work colleague who will often make a snide comment about another colleague to you. They make a huge fuss if they are in the slightest bit “busy”, whilst the rest of us have to listen. They are currently in a team that is managed by a colleague who has been the job a long time. Has experience. This particular colleague really wants this position.
Today we had a team meeting about a new project.
Earlier in the morning I had to meet with this particular colleague as my work slightly overlaps with there’s.
I made a point about the project that the manager had notified us about. They hadn’t notified the rest of their team so I decided we would pick up that part of the project. The colleague said yeah fine - I don’t care either way.
At a big staff meeting this colleague then went on to say sarcastically that I had “stolen” this part of the project! Like what the!
im an easy going person and don’t get angry at work, but I was so annoyed that they had try to make out that I had done this - so I said in a firm voice that wasn’t true. And the only reason they wanted that part of the project back was because the senior managers were really keen to hear the completion of.
the colleague looked shocked I’d spoken out.
i admit i don’t feel great about any of this and I don’t like confrontation. I did get upset and I took myself off somewhere else to work.
what should I do? I think just a combination of having to listen to all the bitching form one person.

The "peace maker" is a gossip, who is dramatising your very reasonable response to someone who was undermining you. It's difficult to be assertive and set boundaries for yourself, especially if you find confrontation difficult, but it's like a muscle, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Don't lose faith in yourself, You're the strong one in this scenario. Breeze in on Monday, take it all in your stride, Your a professional.

Yes, it doesn't take much.

Apparently I look like butter wouldn't melt, and am generally agreeable and friendly, so perhaps it comes as more of a shock. TBH though some people get intimidated by knowledge and competence never mind just not being a pushover.

thank You for all your comments. it’s made me feel more better!
the peacemaker is someone I can’t avoid as I have to work , not that closely, with on a couple of days.
i find it so difficult with them in particular as they spend alot of time going around complimenting people, asking them how they are, telling them how wonderful they are - and never seemingly getting into any battles - all the while pushing their opinions and generally fussing…and likes everyone.
i don’t buy it. I find it very difficult now to deal with them fret what happened as well as bitchy colleague.

Toxic simpering false behaviour.

I worked with someone like that, fortunately not closely, but after years of being so sweet and gentle, and me not buying it for a minute, turns out she was absolutely toxic and quietly pouring poison into the ear of her boss about her colleagues.

He mistakenly quoted her poison to another colleague, (the wrong person as it turned out and it really blew up,) with a few drinks in him and suddenly she was completely exposed.

Be very very wary.
Do not say a word to her that can be misconstrued or misquoted.

Don't give this "peacemaker" oxygen. That sort of person HATES being called out, so if she comes fussing on Monday with are you OK: "Of course, why wouldn't I be?".
If she says you were emotional etc "Are you trying to create drama?" and wait patiently for an answer. In future, every single time just look quizzical "That was nothing, are you trying to make a drama out of it?". She'll learn to keep away.

Get more comfortable being the “grumpy woman”. I’m sure that the majority of your colleagues don’t see you as one, but I bet some of them were silently cheering you on in agreement! You might have given other people food for thought about sticking up for themselves too. You don’t need everyone to like you, especially someone you don’t like yourself x

Do not feel bad - you stuck up for yourself and how is that a bad thing?

The fact your colleague was shocked speaks volumes.

Peacemaker my eye, sounds like a passive aggressive shit stirrer.

I was just about to post the same. Nothing peaceful about her!

The peacemaker is not a peacemaker though is she?
She's the one making a drama out of nothing and spreading gossip.

You did nothing wrong. Just go in on Monday as usual and hold your head up.
If the gossip tries to talk to you about it again just shut her down.

This advice is worth repeating.
Practice it, so she learns to keep away from you.
She's a shit stirrer.
She will hate you seeing through her.

Give the peacemaker a large wooden spoon.

Ergh I hate those 'dominate with kindness' types, always narcissistic. @Grex's advice is great.

I recently discovered I have a reputation for being a bit difficult and very assertive at work. I used to be a total doormat and yes person and nearly burnt myself out and I’ve been practicing boundaries. I guess people noticed 😆. Boundaries are hard at first and it takes a bit of practice to assert them without being a tiny bit of a dick. Still the more you practice the better you get.

Agree that the 'peacemaker' is toxic: any true peacemaker knows to stay well out of a conflict that's not her business. Of course her response made you feel worse.

Well done on standing up for yourself in such an appropriate and constructive way. You simply called out a lie about yourself as not true. You may be feeling uncomfortable about it now because confrontation IS hard and upsetting. But how would you be feeling if you'd let the lie go unchallenged in a public setting? I'm guessing worse.

In my experience people see clearly who's bullshitting, who's unreasonable. However hard it was/is, you should be glad you were firm and professional. It's whats required in this workplace setting.

Peacemaker came to find me even though I’d clearly left the other office and took myself away to another - and closed the door. Came in started saying “oh don’t worry about XXX I.e bitchy colleague. I was having a quiet moment and was a bit teary. I just wanted them to leave me. I didn’t say a word, shook my head at her offerings to make tea etc…
They also said don’t worry about it - it’s only one project etc..don’t stress. That was not the point!

You have given the unpleasant person an opportunity to stop by saying how unacceptable it is. If it stops, great, if not, make a formal complaint and when doing so, make sure you emphasise that you objected to them first.

If standing up for yourself means you get the title of grumpy woman, I’d take grumpy woman any day. Chances are people won’t think of you like that, they will have been inwardly cheering you on for finally calling out bitch colleague, as I suspect most have them haven’t had the balls to do so themselves.

I called someone out the other day, and was dreading the following week. , but I’m so glad I did as everyone is treating me so much better than before.

An update. Thanks again all for your suggestions.
Going into work wasn’t too bad.
Although one colleague made a joke about “oh don’t steal my project now”. I just laughed it off. Did not speak to bitchy colleague at all , but no doubt will run into them soon.
Other colleagues have been making awkward small talk like “oh hey rainydaysamonday24 how are you..good weekend…you good?”
have not seen Peacemaker yet.

would I do all this again?
sadly not. The stress of what happened just wasn’t worth it to be honest. Yes that means I wouldn’t be able to stand up to someone in the wrong.

and I’ve been thinking about applying for other jobs because I don’t feel comfortable on staying long term in that kind of environment…

OP, don't rush into any decision.
Take your time.
Putting down boundaries is always difficult and uncomfortable.
But ultimately it is a really good thing.
YOU did nothing wrong.
It is not good for you to allow yourself to be treated poorly.
Keep your head down and this will pass.

Don't be forced to leave if it doesn't suit you.
You suit yourself.

We are here for you so keep posting for support.

This is not a peacemaker - this is a toxic trouble maker. I would watch this person more than the bitchy colleague - they are more dangerous. If the ‘peacemaker’ raises again how you overreacted I would ask ‘Interesting you have an issue with my response - what is your option on people who accuse others publicly of stealing?’ Let’s force the ‘peacemaker’ to either shut up or to make some negative statements themselves they could be quoted on later.

Ah yes I’ve worked with one of those before. Does very little, always sounds busy, seems busy when it comes to the important stuff etc. we had a reunion recently and everyone had long seen through their behaviour. Stand your ground, defend yourself!

She’s not a ‘peacemaker’ she’s a shit stirrer.

Thank you for all your comments.

@Jellyrolsthank you. I’m going to leave on my terms, so if a suitable position comes up, I’m going to apply.
I will probably feel better in a few days, you are right.
i think the last couple of days have been difficult because everyone has been talking about it - including someone who was on leave all last week!! The one who made the joke “oh why I don’t you steal a project etc”

Urgh! I am not going into work today as yesterday I had a horrible day. Bitchy colleague keeps coming over and making a big deal about what projects we are now doing so they aren’t accused of taking them! Bloody hell! I wish I hadn’t said anything. I cannot cope with this type of thing at work it’s toxic. I don’t know what else to do but leave.