Where do you draw the line at crude comments?

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New partner - a bit ‘rough around the edges’ you could say but a lovely man who is caring and has been a gent towards me so far.

He does however have a bit of a habit for some cruder language, let’s just say. I don’t have a huge issue with this per se, and it’s usually when we’ve had a drink or two. So I’ve not said anything to date.

However, we were looking at photos on my phone earlier and he asked ‘who is that’ when pointing out one of my friends he hasn’t seen before. I explained who she is, he asked if she’s in a relationship and I said no but she has a first date coming up.

His reply was something about her date leaving her like a plasterers radio, that’s not the exact quote but something similar.

Would you try to nip his language in the bud or is that seen as a bit ‘controlling’ especially this early in the relationship?

He need ‘t have been crude about it though!

Would be a proper turn off for me. I don't think you can change him, you just need to decide if this is the kind of man you want to be with.

I don’t even understand what that means and don’t want to.

You cannot police the language of others - just choose what you will be around.

Good for you. Some of us aren't into that kind of humour and that's OK too.
We don't all need to like the same 'type'.

Ok I had to read the comments. Even if he said that respectfully his attitude towards women would put me off.

Why on earth do women on MN constantly need to further lower their standards.

I cannot understand why anyone would want to be near a coarse, crude, uncouth pig?

Why OP?

You glimpsed under the curtain. He will not do a better job of hiding that part of his character till you are too emotionally invested to leave

Exactly this.. this is who he is, he’ll just keep it hidden from you.
But he’ll be saying it to his mates etc

i know you said he’s been a gent so far to you, but seemingly he isn’t actually a through and through gent. It’s not just that he uses crude language which perhaps with time could be ‘tamed’ down, as I’ve had the odd partner who naturally sort of regulate their language to fit in with mine. I don’t ask them to but they just have. However, what’s going on with your OH is the fact there is a gross sentiment behind the words which is different. I personally couldn’t. Would immediately have had the ick 😑

Chuck him back OP. He’s disgusting. He only sees women in terms of how shaggable they are.

I draw the line at knowing the time and place. Plasterer’s radio joke with the lads = funny, with the Mother in-law, no it’s crude and unfunny.

There's an explanation up thread for those who didn't know what it meant.
It's the guys line of thinking that's offensive and the willingness to express it.
Definitely one to throw back.

I meat he will now do a better job of hiding who he is

However, we were looking at photos on my phone earlier and he asked ‘who is that’ when pointing out one of my friends he hasn’t seen before. I explained who she is, he asked if she’s in a relationship

His comment in any context is pretty disgusting and I’d be wondering what he was saying about you to his mates, if that’s how he speaks to your face about your friend.

But the fact his first question about her was to ask if she was in a relationship and comment on her looks, is also pretty off putting.

How would he take it if you asked if his mate was single and then commented on what a woman would do to him?

What he said is crass, but also a red flag- is he negging you by making sleazy remarks about fancying your friend?

And some women are somehow surprised at what they end up with.

Hint...... It's continuing to go out with low life's, despite them showing you EXACTLY who they were early on.

Vulgar pig. But if thats what you like🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it's fine to say 'i'd prefer if you didn't comment sexually on other women' or 'i find it a bit tedious hearing about other women's looks regularly or in detail, especially sexual. You'll notice I don't do that about other men'. Then don't police it, you've drawn a boundary. Just observe it for yourself.

I think it's good you commented. Fine to be a bit bawdy sometimes but that was a bit much about your friend

It’s all just tongue and cheek guys! It’s a type of humour that may not be to anyone’s taste. Doesn’t mean he disrespects anyone. It’s just playful and might be in line with how they have already been speaking together. If she takes it too seriously then they are not suited.

That is NOT the way to say someone looked pretty, what on earth is wrong with him? 😂 Didn't you tell him he was disgusting, talking about jizzing over your friend?

He's disgraceful and it's indicative of who he is and what he thinks about women. Just no.

Well.. if you reckon he doesn’t talk about you like that in future to his mates then I have a bridge to sell you.

Have a care OP, best case is he’s a crude fool. Worst case is you got shit tested and have just failed yourself

Hey OP …
Aside from the language being 🤮 , that’s really disrespectful to you ..
How hot he finds your friend !
Def wouldn’t sit well with me , any of it ..

I laughed.

Sorry.

If you decide to carry on seeing him, make sure to let your friend know his thoughts on her and how he thinks her first date will end up ..