Where do you draw the line at crude comments?

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New partner - a bit ‘rough around the edges’ you could say but a lovely man who is caring and has been a gent towards me so far.

He does however have a bit of a habit for some cruder language, let’s just say. I don’t have a huge issue with this per se, and it’s usually when we’ve had a drink or two. So I’ve not said anything to date.

However, we were looking at photos on my phone earlier and he asked ‘who is that’ when pointing out one of my friends he hasn’t seen before. I explained who she is, he asked if she’s in a relationship and I said no but she has a first date coming up.

His reply was something about her date leaving her like a plasterers radio, that’s not the exact quote but something similar.

Would you try to nip his language in the bud or is that seen as a bit ‘controlling’ especially this early in the relationship?

Would you try to nip his language in the bud or is that seen as a bit ‘controlling’ especially this early in the relationship?

You're looking at this the wrong way.

Even if you 'nipped his language in the bud', you'd still be left with a knuckle dragging disgusting perv - just one who doesn't voice it in front of you.

Is that really the sort you want to settle down with?

My ex would have said something like that. Your bloke not from belfast perchance? Yea its vile though.

No. You won’t change him either. There’s no mileage in this. But at least you knew early on what he was like.

Oh God, he is disgusting. He feels completely free to tell you something really crude about one of your friends. I would get rid of him as soon as possible.

You can't change your boyfriend. You can try but it won't work. You either are ok with him the way he is or you are not with him.

I'd be over and out with this one.

It’s not the language, it’s the sentiment. If he used the politest, most medically-correct terminology, he’d still be talking about ejaculating all over your friend multiple times, which is fucking grim.

A plasterer's radio? That's one I've never heard before. I had to look it up. 🤢

I'd have the instant ick, and wouldn't need to police his language as I wouldn't be seeing him again.

Swearing I have no problem with. Making comments that indicate women have no more uses to them than a sex doll would make me up and leave on the spot. I would totally judge any women who didn’t leave too.

Jeez how utterly vile.

His attitude to women is disgraceful.
Bin immediately.

That’s got nothing to do with language and everything to do with being really fucking weird about women. That isn’t a remotely normal thing for anyone to say to a partner about one of their friends. Sounds like he’s testing you to see how much misogyny and disrespect he can get away with in the name of banter. He’s a twat.

Ahh yes.
The well known culture and land of made up rubbish.

It sounds like it's who he is. Depends on how far he could take these comments. Its a bit disrespectful and boundary pushing. Could he step over the boundaries further in time when his best behaviour slips and he relaxes more, I don't know. You could make a light hearted comment back if you hear it again, to send the message you aren't impressed. It could push him back a bit, watch his reaction, if it's apologetic or annoyance. If it keeps on happening and him knowing you aren't impressed by it, then its a firm no. Not a great comment as it stands

Jesus yeah that's gross

He said that to you out loud?!?!

Every time I think the bar for male behaviour couldn't get any lower, along comes someone like OP determined to drop it low enough to practice limbo with Satan.

He sounds so respectful, romantic and poetic and definitely wouldn't be embarrassing in front of your friends and family 🤔 oh wait, wrong thread sorry.

It’s not about the language, is it? It’s about being a grim old perv and being hugely disrespectful to your friend and probably trying to make you uncomfortable / see how much you’ll put up with.

Yuck. What a grim reference for him to use. That’s a catch and release for me. That’s how he thinks.

I wouldn't be policing his language.

I just wouldn't be seeing him again. Ever.

Satan would never!

Thanks all..I’ve definitely got food for thought.

Agree.

in my 20s I dated someone who was ‘rough around the edges’. I thought to myself, oh, he’s so amazing in many ways, I can help him be a better person… But he didn’t want to change. He was perfectly happy with who he was and how he behaved.

I’d be very straight with him. Tell him you find that attitude towards a women-( your friend!!) really offensive and gross.

See how he reacts, if he apologies profusely and says it won’t happen again then maybe give him a second chance. If he’s defensive-I’d finish the relationship because he’s showing you who he is.

Gross.