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Original poster

Where do you draw the line at crude comments?

109 replies

TruthPrevail · 30/05/2025 22:39

New partner - a bit ‘rough around the edges’ you could say but a lovely man who is caring and has been a gent towards me so far.

He does however have a bit of a habit for some cruder language, let’s just say. I don’t have a huge issue with this per se, and it’s usually when we’ve had a drink or two. So I’ve not said anything to date.

However, we were looking at photos on my phone earlier and he asked ‘who is that’ when pointing out one of my friends he hasn’t seen before. I explained who she is, he asked if she’s in a relationship and I said no but she has a first date coming up.

His reply was something about her date leaving her like a plasterers radio, that’s not the exact quote but something similar.

Would you try to nip his language in the bud or is that seen as a bit ‘controlling’ especially this early in the relationship?

OP posts:
HouseofDreams · 31/05/2025 08:46

Urgh disgusting. You can do better than this come on OP

Seventree · 31/05/2025 12:15

It's not the language that would bother me. Both me and DH occasionally make really crude comments as a joke (only to to one another), but we find that funny because it's so at odds with what we actually think/would usually say. It's the shock that we find funny...

That comment reads like he thinks your friend is fit and is reducing her to a sexual object. Even if he'd said it politely it would still be grim.

Gundogday · 31/05/2025 12:20

There’s banter and there’s banter, and you have to be on the same wavelength as to what is acceptable. You don’t like his banter (which is frankly, is too crude) so this isn’t going to work.

BobbyBiscuits · 31/05/2025 12:25

It's implying she has no consent and if a woman is attractive she will just inevitably get jizzed over by any man she meets on a first date.

Fucking nasty really isn't it?

Glencocoyougo · 31/05/2025 12:32

Ew! Just no. He's imagining your friend in a sexually explicit situation and he's happy to talk to you about that.
Sorry, but he's a pig. It's only going to get worse.

ginasevern · 31/05/2025 12:56

He's vocalising what loads (probably the majority) of men actually think. Still, a lot of them manage not to make vile, rapey, misogynistic comments in front of their girl friends. The fact that he has means he gives even less of a shit. It would be the last thing he said before I showed him the door but then I'm done with men anyway.

missmollygreen · 31/05/2025 12:57

Trying to change people rarely works and usually causes resentment.

I think you are looking at the wrong issue here to be honest, its not the words, it is the sentiment.
Who tells their partner that they essentially want to cum all over their friends face?

summerscomingsoon · 31/05/2025 13:03

MaryGreenhill · 30/05/2025 22:54

I don't even know what that means tbh . I asked my DH and he didn't know either .
What does it mean please?

Glad it wasn't just me who didn't get it

LadyChillT · 31/05/2025 13:03

edit: double post.

LadyChillT · 31/05/2025 13:03

'rough around the edges' implies something worthwhile in the centre.

cantpullthetrigger · 31/05/2025 13:07

What a disgusting excuse for a man.

It’s not even that he said it, it’s that he thought it.

He’s showing you how his mind works - and what he thinks of women.

Under no circumstances whatsoever would I stay with such a man. Nor would any of the women I know.

Only you know where your own standards are.

StMarie4me · 31/05/2025 13:34

Yeah… no. Get rid, OP.

Original poster
TruthPrevail · 01/06/2025 09:15

I spoke to him about this yesterday and he apologised. He said he was only intending to say my friend looked pretty in a friendly way (which I’d have been fine with), but crossed the line with his comment.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 01/06/2025 09:54

TruthPrevail · 01/06/2025 09:15

I spoke to him about this yesterday and he apologised. He said he was only intending to say my friend looked pretty in a friendly way (which I’d have been fine with), but crossed the line with his comment.

He said he was only intending to say my friend looked pretty in a friendly way

He's going to leave her like a plasterers radio

Those two are so starkly different

Thing is, whether he's now just going to hide that side of him?

What's your thoughts?

cantthinkofausername26 · 01/06/2025 09:56

Eww it’s the perving over my friend that I’d have objection to. Sleeze ball

SeaFloor · 01/06/2025 09:59

TruthPrevail · 01/06/2025 09:15

I spoke to him about this yesterday and he apologised. He said he was only intending to say my friend looked pretty in a friendly way (which I’d have been fine with), but crossed the line with his comment.

But what is he actually apologising for? For using a crude expression? But what about the Neanderthal thought processes that, on being shown a photo of someone’s nice-looking friend, go immediately to imagining her face when a man has just ejaculated on it?

isolate34 · 01/06/2025 16:54

There's plenty of ways of saying someone is pretty without implying a man would want to spunk over their face 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Evaka · 01/06/2025 17:04

His worldview is the problem and that's ingrained. Dump his revolting ass.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/06/2025 17:07

It's not the language that's the problem, it's the thought that he is expressing. Grim.

jljlj · 01/06/2025 17:12

Hmm. Me and DH swear loads and we say filthy things in day to day conversation. But I think that your bloke's comment was a bit much - the sentiment was not appropriate as she's your friend and the imagery is also a bit OTT - her sprayed in so much cum after a first date.

Raindropsandroses123 · 01/06/2025 17:15

Well MN don’t like these comments men make. But they are hilarious and some people are just too serious if they take insult by them!! 😂

Tarrybankheidi · 01/06/2025 17:16

TruthPrevail · 01/06/2025 09:15

I spoke to him about this yesterday and he apologised. He said he was only intending to say my friend looked pretty in a friendly way (which I’d have been fine with), but crossed the line with his comment.

And you believe that? Pretty in a friendly way = talking about her like shes a porn star??

Pemba · 01/06/2025 17:26

Raindropsandroses123 · 01/06/2025 17:15

Well MN don’t like these comments men make. But they are hilarious and some people are just too serious if they take insult by them!! 😂

You really find it hilarious?? Most posters on here find it disgusting, as you can see. Are you female?

Swiftie1878 · 01/06/2025 17:28

This isn’t about his language but about how he thinks. About women!
Up to you how you respond…

Swiftie1878 · 01/06/2025 17:29

TruthPrevail · 01/06/2025 09:15

I spoke to him about this yesterday and he apologised. He said he was only intending to say my friend looked pretty in a friendly way (which I’d have been fine with), but crossed the line with his comment.

So the mask slipped.
Big difference between his intention and what followed.

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