DP’s 40th - not even considered whether I could go

[User097097]

My DP’s 40th birthday is coming up and I have organised three things for it - a weekend at his best friends, a big lunch with his family and a night in a nice hotel for just the 2 of us, after his mum said not to do a party with his friends. We have a 2 yr old DS and I have arranged childcare for the nights away with our parents, they do a lot for us already with childcare while we work, so this was a push.

Today, we were out and my DP casually says oh I’ve been chatting to ‘friend’ about my birthday and he says we should have a night out for it. So I asked when and he said the weekend just before my birthday. I asked who was going and he said well probably everyone I know, women included.

At this point I asked if he’d thought about whether I would be able to go considering we probably wouldn’t be able to have my parents or his do a third weekend and he hadn’t, he just said I don’t know. I got quite hurt and angry at this that he would have all of his friends at a big night out for his 40th and hadn’t even really thought about whether I would be able to be there, especially after I’d put effort into arranging everything else. I just feel really insignificant.

Why can't he be allowed to have a night out with his friends to mark his big birthday when he is already doing 3 things with you.

He could have told his mate he is already indulging in three events for his birthday.

Instead he wants to have a night with 'everyone he knows' except his girlfriend. Nice.

This! It’s obviously the one thing he wants to do for his birthday.

Communication.

We don’t actually know that he even knew about all of that or, if he did, whether those all feel like things he’s “indulging” in or things that were planned for him he’d rather not do.

Don’t you mean can he find a babysitter?

Is this the same poster with all the surprise party drama earlier?

It’s exhausting even reading about it. 😂 Three celebrations and in the end he just wants to celebrate with his friends. 😂 Fair enough.

I am wondering if the three celebrations were more for OP’s social media than him..

Four events sounds like an endurance test to me, I'd be fine with a happy birthday text message and then being left alone 😄

Did you ask him what he wanted to do for his birthday? He might have wanted a party, not sure why it was his mums decision.

I'm quite pleased that MIL had a party for her 60th, it was the last time she saw many of the people and by the time it was her 70th, she was in a wheelchair, her husband and half the attendees of her 60th had died or were terminally ill

YABVU for arranging 3 separate birthday events for a grown adult, and without even consulting what they'd like to do! Sounds like DH might prefer the night out with friends. I'd check which one event he wants, and cancel everything else. Four events for a 40th is ludicrous, it's excessive and infantile. Stop fawning over your man-baby princeling; it's not good for him, or you.

No man wants such a ridiculous series of events for their birthday. You are projecting your preferences on him.

I can’t think of any adult male friends who had birthday celebrations.

Glad to see not just me thinking how bizarre that you couldn't decide yourself about a friend party, tbh not to have a party when there are lots of friends etc seems weird to me...big birthday, friends who he clearly knows so well and goes out with as have you. Anyhow you both seem to rely on a lot of childcare so I'm sure you will figure it as wouldn't bother me if hubby went out and I had our 3 wee ones for one evening

I think 60/70/80 etc are a bit different.

I had a lovely evening with my friends for my fortieth while my partner was at home with the 5 and 1 year old...

Sounds like he wants a night out with friends which is not unreasonable. Can you postpone the night away so you can join?

Idk if it's the same poster as the earlier thread about the botched surprise 40th, but if there isn't, there's a surprising amount of MIL involvement and partner drama revolving around grown men's 40th birthday parties

On the contrary, for a big birthday his spouse should have been involved so she could go. 40 is too old for behaving like a lad. Really inconsiderate.

Does their budget even extend to a second night out and a babysitter.

I think if he was just having a night out with his friends that would be fine but if it is his friends and all their partners that's quite thoughtless.

Jesus, the bar is subterranean.

Having any more than one birthday event when you are 40 and have a toddler is a bit over the top. Without regular professional childcare available, most parents would find this tricky to manage.

Agree. Seems v OTT indeed and if two events, one with his bestie and one for a big family get together had already been planned - what was the night away just for 2 for?

Anyway, looks like it’s up to me to state ‘I don’t think OP is coming back!”

He's already celebrating 3 separate events with you so I don't see why he can't have a night out with friends without you.

Many people have significant birthday celebrations that branch off into different friendship and work colleague groups and spouses wouldn't be at all of them.

Sounds like the thing he’d really like for his birthday is the night out with friends. Why did you organise everything apart from this? Did you ask him what he wanted? Why was his Mum involved?

Just book a babysitter?