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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this rude…

83 replies

curlygirlietwirly · 30/05/2025 16:10

Our new neighbours have a child who my son plays with outside in the communal garden. Today the mum came to ask me something, my son opened the door (he’s almost 12) and shouted for me that Nadia (fake name) was at the door. By the time I’d got to the hallway, she was inside my home almost in my lounge!! She entered my home without being invited and I felt really uncomfortable, as I’ve only met her once before shortly after they moved in a few weeks ago…
Am I BU to find this rude???

If so, advice on how to tackle this!?!?

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:54

@Evaka thank you for your compassionate reply, this is a good idea!

OP posts:
Floatlikeafeather2 · 31/05/2025 09:07

curlygirlietwirly · 31/05/2025 08:48

He didn’t “let her in”, he opened the door and shouted for me that she was at the door for me

Show quote history

So she then pushed him aside, strode in and "almost" entered your lounge? What are you hiding in there anyway?

Wasteddaysanddays · 31/05/2025 09:10

Back in the 70s and 80s it was always a thing that you don't go in to someone's house until they expressly say 'come in'
Every single time. Doesn't matter if you have known them a week of five years. There are many reasons you don't want a neighbour, or even a friend just waltzing in to your home.
There may be one or two friends that you have told to always come through but that is best friend level.
London women didn't like being door stopped because then they couldn't have a nosey around. Sometimes they were quite put out.

sleepylittlebunnies · 31/05/2025 09:24

If this was the mum of one of my DC’ friends, especially a neighbour, then I’m sure my DC would invite them in and stick the kettle on. That’s what they’ve seen me do. If someone was almost in my lounge they’d be stood in my hallway, which would be fine, as long as they’re not a complete stranger, especially if DH and I are both home.

If you’re not keen, then I’d teach your DC to politely ask them to “please wait there while I get my Mum”.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 31/05/2025 09:28

I wouldn’t have gone in like Nadia did.
It also wouldn’t have bothered me if someone did that. Definitely not to the point to feel the need to “tackle” it/them.

SidekickSylvia · 31/05/2025 09:40

There's no way I would've walked into someone's home in that situation. Surely most people would wait outside?

Jellyrols · 31/05/2025 09:53

Door chain is an excellent idea.
She was very rude to do it, you are not wrong there.
Her card would be marked for me and I would avoid.
People lacking basic manners are best avoided.

EleanorReally · 31/05/2025 09:56

he probably did invite her in, or at least gave the impression she was welcome to enter

Hoppinggreen · 31/05/2025 10:05

Wasteddaysanddays · 31/05/2025 09:10

Back in the 70s and 80s it was always a thing that you don't go in to someone's house until they expressly say 'come in'
Every single time. Doesn't matter if you have known them a week of five years. There are many reasons you don't want a neighbour, or even a friend just waltzing in to your home.
There may be one or two friends that you have told to always come through but that is best friend level.
London women didn't like being door stopped because then they couldn't have a nosey around. Sometimes they were quite put out.

Must be a London thing

SALaw · 31/05/2025 11:56

@curlygirlietwirlyand then he walked away leaving the door open?

ilovesooty · 31/05/2025 12:01

Jellyrols · 31/05/2025 09:53

Door chain is an excellent idea.
She was very rude to do it, you are not wrong there.
Her card would be marked for me and I would avoid.
People lacking basic manners are best avoided.

her card would be marked

😁

ilovesooty · 31/05/2025 12:02

EleanorReally · 31/05/2025 09:56

he probably did invite her in, or at least gave the impression she was welcome to enter

If that was the case teach your child to answer the door as you want it answered, or answer the door yourself.

Jellyrols · 31/05/2025 15:18

ilovesooty · 31/05/2025 12:01

her card would be marked

😁

Show quote history

That's my late mothers expression if someone crossed her!

FinallyHere · 01/06/2025 08:11

ClearHoldBuild · 31/05/2025 08:41

I wouldn’t just walk in but I also wouldn’t have my child answer the door.

This

expresses it much better than my attempt

DevonMum123 · 01/06/2025 10:50

To be honest I would never walk into the house uninvited. Answering door doesn't equal invitation to come in.
I would be bit surprised by Nadia too.

As to how to prevent it in the future, I would just tell your son to say: "I will go get my mum" and pull the door half closed. That should hopefully stop her entering.

Koalafan · 01/06/2025 10:52

I think it's rude OP.
I'd wait until an adult asked me in.

Terfarina · 01/06/2025 11:01

Did anything bad happen? What harm was done to you or anyone from neighbour entering? If none, why bother to tackle it?

personally I wouldn’t enter uninvited but ain’t no biggie.

MrsRog23 · 01/06/2025 11:04

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 30/05/2025 16:16

Meh. It's not as if she opened the door herself and walked in. Your son opened the door. I mean, you could argue that it's a teensy bit cheeky, but not to the point that you need to 'tackle' it.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft I couldn’t agree more, if this is the only “issue” then I wouldn’t be making a big song and dance about it. My 11 year old daughter would answer, shout me and then just tell them to come in, if it’s a neighbour or whatever. If OP is that bothered, maybe tell son not to open the door. This is such a non-issue imo

boredoflaundry · 01/06/2025 11:06

Be naked! Next time she wanders into your living room she’ll realise your not dressed for receiving company! 😂

housethatbuiltme · 01/06/2025 11:11

The fuck is wrong with mumsnetters?

No you do not ever walk into someones house uninvited. Someone opening a door is not an 'invitation' to come in and this woman randomly knocked she wasn't an invited guest or even someone OP knows well (they have met ONCE).

She WAS unwanted/uninvited the same as a salesman, thats not rude to have them remain outdoor.

OP could have had invited guests (maybe a friend having a deep heart to heart about something private) or not been dressed for guests or been eating her dinner or been working etc...

A knock at the door is like a ringing phone its a request to speak not an demand you are entitled too.

Private1980 · 01/06/2025 12:11

Yes it's rude if it's someone I don't know friends and family walk in but yes if this was a person I didn't know I'd expect them to wait at the door I wouldn't do it everyone's diffrent

1HappyTraveller · 01/06/2025 12:30

If your son did not invite her in then yes it’s rude.

Is she likely to be a friend moving forwards? If so I’d leave it. If not then if it happens again in the future I would be inclined to just say “would you please mind waiting outside the front door for me next time you pop round please?”

Maybe ask your son to have a stock response of “if you just wait here my mum will be with you shortly”, thereby giving strangers/loose acquaintances clear instructions to not come in unless you invite them.

elliegirl · 02/06/2025 07:06

This is pathetic. What a non problem. The need to tackle said non problem and also come onto a public forum to seek advice is also nuts. Your son let her in. Unless she was napping on your sofa or moving in her belongings, it's not even worse thinking about.

SpiritedFlame · 02/06/2025 14:02

I am a very socially awkward person so I wouldn't have liked this but I wouldn't necessarily find her unreasonable as I can see it's my anxiety more. I think probably "Nadia" didn't know exactly what to do as we can see from here, so many different opinions on what is the norm!
I would just wait at the door all awkward but then some people might find that odd too.

It seems like you have some ideas on how to chat to your son to stop the same thing happening again. It is okay for you to find it uncomfortable, and it is your home so if you would prefer that someone doesn't come in - I think that is totally okay but ultimately I would say she wasn't in the wrong.

Feel your pain though, the thought of this makes me cringe so note to self - chat to 9yo!

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 02/06/2025 14:47

It wouldn't bother me at all, but I agree I wouldn't have done it myself, I'd have waited at the doorstep. Maybe she was cold, or hot, or it was rainy or she's just over friendly. It's not really an issue, especially if once she'd asked her question she politely left. People coming in doesn't bother me, people I can't get to leave - different ball game.