Page 5 | Husband working from home is noisy

ForRealMember · 2025-05-30T10:57:32+00:00

My lovely husband works time in a very full on job - full of stress. I work part time and look after the house, kids etc..The only problem is that on the two days I am at home my husband is at home. I am quite noise intolerant and he is in back to back teams calls and whilst he tries to be quiet I can hear him through noise cancelling headphones. It drives me crazy. It is both of our homes but I can't work out if I am being unreasonable.

Londonmummy66 · 31/05/2025 13:24

IUsedToBe · 31/05/2025 06:22

I feel your pain, OP! My husband also insists on working from home a lot, even though his company's policy is that they prefer people to go into the office. As a manager he should be setting an example to other employees by going to the office, and he only has a 15 minute drive to get to work - but he prefers to work from home so he can have an extra 15 minutes in bed, and doesn't need to bother having a shower. He works in our conservatory, where he sits having very loud Teams meetings all day. He has a booming voice which carries all around the house and garden so there's no getting away from it. He won't wear headphones even though I've asked him to repeatedly, so I have to hear the boring voices of all his colleagues as well.

Meanwhile, I have to tiptoe around trying not to make a noise, and I can't listen to music unless I wear headphones, which isn't always practical when I'm doing stuff around the house. I feel like I'm being watched in the garden as the camera on his computer points that way, and he often forgets to put his Teams background on, so all his colleagues can see me through the conservatory window. They can also see our washing line, so I have to remember to peg my undies on the bit of the washing line that they can't see! The conservatory joins onto our kitchen, and when I'm cooking in there I have to keep the door and window closed so I don't disturb him with the sound of clattering saucepans etc. It gets very hot with the oven on, and with the door and window closed I have no ventilation, so sometimes I almost pass out with the heat!

I finally reached the end of my tether yesterday after 8 solid hours of very loud meetings, and told him I feel like I'm living in a bloody conference room, and I wish he'd go into the office. He can't see my problem at all and thinks I'm being very unreasonable, and has been sulking ever since. AAAGHH!!

At the start of lockdown DH thought the kitchen table would be a good place to work (despite having an office at the back of the garage). I may have been a bit more present banging saucepans etc around in the background on his teams calls and may have encouraged the DC to waltz in and out getting drinks and talking loudly about the biology lesson they'd just had etc. He then moved to the TV room - and I may have not discouraged the DC from just going in and switching it on whenever they felt like it. He got the message and shuffled back to the home office that he'd previously been very happy to work in.....

My point was that it was first and foremost our home not his office and therefore home life would continue as normal. No one else was going to tiptoe around to keep the noise down. If I were you I'd start hanging his smalls on the most visible part of the washing line and making as much noise as you can.

Abracadabra12345 · 31/05/2025 13:25

IUsedToBe · 31/05/2025 06:22

I feel your pain, OP! My husband also insists on working from home a lot, even though his company's policy is that they prefer people to go into the office. As a manager he should be setting an example to other employees by going to the office, and he only has a 15 minute drive to get to work - but he prefers to work from home so he can have an extra 15 minutes in bed, and doesn't need to bother having a shower. He works in our conservatory, where he sits having very loud Teams meetings all day. He has a booming voice which carries all around the house and garden so there's no getting away from it. He won't wear headphones even though I've asked him to repeatedly, so I have to hear the boring voices of all his colleagues as well.

Meanwhile, I have to tiptoe around trying not to make a noise, and I can't listen to music unless I wear headphones, which isn't always practical when I'm doing stuff around the house. I feel like I'm being watched in the garden as the camera on his computer points that way, and he often forgets to put his Teams background on, so all his colleagues can see me through the conservatory window. They can also see our washing line, so I have to remember to peg my undies on the bit of the washing line that they can't see! The conservatory joins onto our kitchen, and when I'm cooking in there I have to keep the door and window closed so I don't disturb him with the sound of clattering saucepans etc. It gets very hot with the oven on, and with the door and window closed I have no ventilation, so sometimes I almost pass out with the heat!

I finally reached the end of my tether yesterday after 8 solid hours of very loud meetings, and told him I feel like I'm living in a bloody conference room, and I wish he'd go into the office. He can't see my problem at all and thinks I'm being very unreasonable, and has been sulking ever since. AAAGHH!!

Omg!! If the calls can be heard in your garden, you can bet your neighbours can hear them too. My ndn had the same booming work calls, and they always shout don’t they? Thankfully he retired this year - no more booming calls.

Don’t give up on this @IUsedToBe, he can get as defensive and sulky as he likes but he’s being a selfish dick just like so many wfh men are, as this thread shows.

I can’t believe the posts about the job of the OP’s Big Important Man-husband “ allowing “ her to work part time, when in reality she’ll be doing all the household and kid stuff so he doesn’t have to

Abracadabra12345 · 31/05/2025 13:28

TheAutumnCrow · 31/05/2025 06:39

@IUsedToBe Don’t give in to the sulking! Stand firm in the face of his unreasonableness.

You beat me to it!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 31/05/2025 13:33

My partner is a bit of a shouter when hes on the phone or a teams call. We actually share a home office and work from home together about once a week. If hes on a call I put my headphones and music on and I can't hear him. I also can't hear him if I close the office door and go sit in another room. Your husband must be really really loud!

Abracadabra12345 · 31/05/2025 13:40

And just to reiterate - an office in the garden means neighbours are subjected to the booming work calls since this type will doubtless open the doors / windows when it get warm

OneAquaPombear · 31/05/2025 13:42

GreenFields07 · 31/05/2025 13:05

That does not mean that its her DH shouting. It could mean that he doesnt use headphones and its the colleagues on full volume. Simple solution to that is asking him to wear headphones. You're jumping to conclusions. OP also says her DH is lovely, wants to be home to spend more time with her, does try to be quiet. But people want to make him into a bad guy with no proof that OP has even addressed this with him or asked him to make any changes.

I very much doubt the husband is sitting in front of his screen whispering and the others are all shouting their heads off. It’s far more likely the group of people talking are all doing so at a similar level. And the op does say at full volume. It doesn’t really matter if the husband or the other meeting delegates are the ones shouting. The point is the husband is the source of the nuisance and therefore he has a responsibility for this. But I do agree the op needs to address this with him again and the husband definitely does need to make some changes.

babystarsandmoon · 31/05/2025 13:51

If it’s that noisy and stressful then he should go work in the office.

It is a home not a workplace.

FluffyRabbitGal · 31/05/2025 13:54

I’m a part time shift worker and my partner works from home full time. He is very considerate when I’m at home in the week, but it still drives me nuts. But for very different reasons to your husband by the sounds of it. He needs to be using headphones/ earphones for meetings and shutting the door if he is talking loudly or for for long periods. I’ve found mine being on another floor also helps. Lets also not forget, you’re probably generating noise too, so perhaps consider that when speaking to him. I ensure that I don’t do noisy jobs whilst he’s working by either doing them whilst he’s on lunch or finished for the day.

UseNailOil · 31/05/2025 13:56

I have this too and I can’t bear it.

MummoMa · 31/05/2025 22:07

Abracadabra12345 · 31/05/2025 13:40

And just to reiterate - an office in the garden means neighbours are subjected to the booming work calls since this type will doubtless open the doors / windows when it get warm

That depends on the size of your garden. If my DH had an office in the garden, he'd be further away from the neighbours.

MummoMa · 31/05/2025 22:09

Putting on headphones is not a magic solution. That just means you can't hear the other side (which was never a problem anyway) but you can still have 8 hours of shouting from the party working at home. I always wondered if the other people he was talking to had to turn their own volume down when doing a Zoom with my DH.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 31/05/2025 22:15

Presumably if dh was in the actual office he would be mindful of others? Does op not deserve the same courtesy?

Penthrowingsurvivor · 01/06/2025 10:10

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 31/05/2025 22:15

Presumably if dh was in the actual office he would be mindful of others? Does op not deserve the same courtesy?

whilst he tries to be quiet I can hear him through noise cancelling headphones.

Presumably he would still have meetings in the office...

NeedForSpeed · 01/06/2025 10:19

Penthrowingsurvivor · 01/06/2025 10:10

whilst he tries to be quiet I can hear him through noise cancelling headphones.

Presumably he would still have meetings in the office...

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And presumably if he was so loud that his colleagues could hear him and his video call meetings through noise cancelling headphones in another room, he'd be spoken to and told to quiet it down.

Middleagedstriker · 01/06/2025 10:24

ForRealMember · 30/05/2025 13:09

It is so tricky. I know it is his house too and he does try to be quiet but 8 hours of full volume Teams calls are really hard for me to stand. I do put in noise diffusing headphones but I can still hear the calls through these. Not sure what else I can do to manage the noise. As I said I know I am noise intolerant

We have a very similar issue apart from I am the one who works from home and on DHs days off it drives him a bit insane.
I now use headphones for all meeting so e can only hear when I'm talking and because of the headphones I can talk quite quietly we can still hear me. Been a total game changer.

MummoMa · 01/06/2025 10:48

NeedForSpeed · 01/06/2025 10:19

And presumably if he was so loud that his colleagues could hear him and his video call meetings through noise cancelling headphones in another room, he'd be spoken to and told to quiet it down.

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And chances are then there would be no difficulty with him managing it too. Unlike at home where they 'forget'.

poppy10101 · 01/06/2025 11:32

how old are your kids? Does he ask for them to be quiet?
do you need to be at home all day?
I wouldn’t be happy with working a stressful job and having to add on a commute just so you got a quiet house.
this would be different if you have really young kids who you are being asked to keep quiet.

Penthrowingsurvivor · 01/06/2025 14:15

NeedForSpeed · 01/06/2025 10:19

And presumably if he was so loud that his colleagues could hear him and his video call meetings through noise cancelling headphones in another room, he'd be spoken to and told to quiet it down.

Show quote history

back in the real world, if you can hear people who are in the middle of a meeting or a phone conversation, no, they don't "get spoken to".

TheAutumnCrow · 02/06/2025 04:36

Article in Guardian about WFH below. It’s about how ‘gendered space’ disproportionately affects women, ie if there is a spare room the man tends to have as his office, and the female partner has to make do and work somewhere else in the home.

It’s an opinion piece by a columnist, not actual data though!

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/jun/01/working-from-home-its-so-much-nicer-if-youre-a-man

Sofiewoo · 02/06/2025 05:48

TheAutumnCrow · 02/06/2025 04:36

Article in Guardian about WFH below. It’s about how ‘gendered space’ disproportionately affects women, ie if there is a spare room the man tends to have as his office, and the female partner has to make do and work somewhere else in the home.

It’s an opinion piece by a columnist, not actual data though!

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/jun/01/working-from-home-its-so-much-nicer-if-youre-a-man

I can’t say I agree with this in practice, the vast majority of homes are overwhelming designed entirely by the woman. The sofa, the layout, the colours, the bedding, the furniture, the accessories are almost always picked by the woman so I don’t think you can say men take over homes.
If they use a spare room more it’s probably because the rest of the home has no elements of him.

whistlesandbells · 03/06/2025 08:50

I don’t sleep at work and I don’t want my home becoming a loud active place of work. I am definitely biased and protective of my space and time.

What I don’t understand on these threads is how frequently the partner who wfh has an “office space” in the home but doesn’t work in it. Instead they are camping in common spaces, like the dining table, the living room etc. Absolutely not acceptable. I can’t even understand why they do not want privacy and some bloody professional space.

Another gripe is the wfh partner lingering around the other partner (who is either at home or also wfh), badgering them if they want coffee, asking them what they are doing. Infuriating. If you want to wfh then work, and if you want colleagues go join them in the office or on Teams etc.