Husband working from home is noisy

[ForRealMember]

My lovely husband works time in a very full on job - full of stress. I work part time and look after the house, kids etc..The only problem is that on the two days I am at home my husband is at home. I am quite noise intolerant and he is in back to back teams calls and whilst he tries to be quiet I can hear him through noise cancelling headphones. It drives me crazy. It is both of our homes but I can't work out if I am being unreasonable.

Well it seems odd that he chooses to be home when OP is not working & is at home. Yet he seems to be in Teams meetings. So not as if he is popping out to have a cup of tea mid morning, take dog out together over lunch - he’s either staking his claim on the home or keeping tabs. He seems to be able to go into the office on days OP is in work?

Noise-cancelling earphones aren't designed to cancel voices. They are most effective with 'noise', such as engine noise, machines, etc.

In fact, by reducing any background noise, they can make voices appear louder, and more noticeable. It's a subjective thing, though.

You might be better wearing ear defenders (i.e. the ones you get from Screwfix or DIY stores), these block all sound.

https://www.screwfix.com/c/safety-workwear/ear-defenders/cat850380

The higher the dB number, the better they are at blocking out sound. I use the £7.49 ones, but there are some pricier comfier versions.

I use these in the office, and around the house when hoovering! 😂My neighbours must think I'm nuts, but I'm sensitive to noise too.

I think some people are just able to 'switch off' to noise and don't understand how others find this very hard to ignore.

Home is the space away from work, I choose to work in the office as I want the 2 places separate, if he's choosing to be a home and it's disturbing home life then it's not fair

Do you mean you can hear his colleagues as well? As in, he doesn't use earphones himself? If so, then that's the obvious first thing for him to do. If not, then I think you need better noise-cancelling headphones.

Is the whole call on speaker? Unnecessary, and I'm sure other people don't want you to listen in.
If it's a matter of booming voice, he needs to put in only one in-ear headphone so he can hear and moderate the volume of his own voice.

The key here is good headphones, DH works from home mostly since COVID and both now adult DC are at home (online) when not in Uni so I have a house full most of the time

Both DC have a condition called Misophonia, DD. So severely she was educated from home at an Internet school.

They all manage to co-exist due to high quality noise cancelling headphones when online which stops the seepage of meetings into the household noise

All have their own work areas in separate rooms but all rooms are close by

DD and DS both use Bose, DH uses Jabra. They all also use AirPod pros when out and about to cope with life noise

the home is an office if you want it to be one. It might be full on, but guessing it's that job that pays for the house?

More than unfair to expect someone to work full time, but not being allowed in his own home.

If he was expecting everyone else to vacate the house for 10 hours a day, he would be unreasonable.

If he’s working from an open plan shared space it’s unreasonable to have meetings like that, if he’s in a separate room YABU.

She can't be doing any hoovering ever if the sound of her DH sets off her noise intolerance everything else will too including the hoover, washing machine etc!

Noise cancelling headphones aren't for cancelling out voices, in fact they just cancel out background noise so you can still hear voices, some even increase the volume of voices!

She's doesn't actually know if he gets to choose the days he's at home - she only thinks he has the choice!

I only hear my DH when he's on teams because he puts his headphones on. Is your DH not using them @ForRealMember ?

There are two options. One is that he works in a separate room with door closed. The second is that he gets sound cancelling panels. IKEA do them or used to, but there are other companies out there.

DH and I both WFH sometimes and neither of us are that loud on Teams call. Your DH does know that he doesn't have to shout doesn't he?!

I was in IKEA last week. I felt sure I saw more of a “hood” for a desk in the Bristol store, but this gives you an idea: https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/cat/noise-reducing-products-46077/ We are going to need a floor plan!!

I can’t believe the majority of people are saying the op is being unreasonable. Having to listen to someone for 8 hours a day yakking on loudly about work would drive me nuts. Just a thought, but I wonder if work sent the husband home, because in the office he was driving his colleagues mad with his constant noise? I certainly wouldn’t want to sit next to him at my workplace and I doubt many would. I also wouldn’t want him in my home if he was going to make constant noise like this. The husband is the unreasonable one here, not the op.

Have you actually discussed this with him?

It is now

My husband drives me mad too when he is WFH, he is on teams all day sometimes. Fortunately he has his own office so I can shut the door on him. Saving up to build an outside room o that he can work there. He also chooses to WFH on my one non working day a week and I can't persuade him otherwise because it's a Monday and it means he doesn't have to rush around so much. If his desk was in our living space I think I would have to have a serious chat about moving his days!

He needs to wear simple USB / Bluetooth noise cancelling headphones with mic 🎤

So annoying, I'm off 2 days during the week and it drives me mad! The 'office' is set up in a room off the kitchen in full view and hearing when needing to be in kitchen. When he has meetings I have to be quiet, keep DC quiet, and kitchen is out of bounds. We could easily go to his office a 10 minute drive away but won't. Xx

Not any more, many companies have downsized to smaller offices since Covid and have not replaced desk space , for many hybrid is the new reality of working life

I presume he's subsidising your part time working? I WFH 3-4 days a week, 1 -2 days in the office, am the breadwinner, and am on Teams calls a lot. My DH brings me coffee, tea, keeps the kids away. If he was whinging that I was noisy I'd suggest he funded his own lifestyle.

I do have a home office and work from there, door can be shut. If he's following you around booming at you, then have a chat, but if you don't like how he's paying for your reduced hours from a home workspace, then might be time to reflect.

I assume you want to be home these days, not used them to do the shopping, go out etc. One day I'm off I will be out of the house, the other be at home and it's a pita. Xxx

This.

that's where it becomes unreasonable. You should be able to have a normal life, providing you don't suddenly take on drumming lessons during meetings, that would be pushing it.