Husband working from home is noisy

[ForRealMember]

My lovely husband works time in a very full on job - full of stress. I work part time and look after the house, kids etc..The only problem is that on the two days I am at home my husband is at home. I am quite noise intolerant and he is in back to back teams calls and whilst he tries to be quiet I can hear him through noise cancelling headphones. It drives me crazy. It is both of our homes but I can't work out if I am being unreasonable.

Some people are a lot louder on Teams than others. Does he use a headset and speak at a normal volume, or does he have it blasting into the room and he speaks more loudly than usual?

We have a small spare room, but it would be even louder in there than in the conservatory!

Tell him to sit down and contain himself in one room so you can do the house things. Why is he wandering round!?

OP has said he does try to be quiet though. Where on earth are you getting that he shouts all day long? Are you the OP, or are you in the same situation? Not sure why youre so angry or threatening to divorce your husband over a minor issue 🤔

Trying to be quiet isn't being quiet though, is it?

It's actually not a minor issue. If you think it is, then you are very fortunate not to have had to deal with it. My DH shouts, I don't know if OP's does, but he's loud, so I do know what that is like. Listening to noise like that for 8 hours a day, multiple days a week is not reasonable. I'll go live in a little single room flat before I live with what I had to live with.

When four family members are being driven nuts by it, it's time to return to the office or put an office in the garden. I even offered to move closer to his work (giving up everything I've built again, which I already did to move here). I've more than done my bit to solve the problem.

Why not just have a conversation with him and say "this is my house too, put your headset on and stay in one room for your calls"....

My DH wfh on my 2 days off to save paying for petrol (we have 1 office box room that we share). Toddler and I carry on as normal. If DH wants more quiet he can work somewhere else on these 2 days.

Unless I'm missing something, this is all easily solved by having a conversation.

You replied to my comment that was strictly about OPs situation, not yours. Im not sure why you feel the need to project your own issues onto my comment when it had nothing to do with your experience, my comment was to OP.
OP has already said he does try to be quiet, hes not being disrespectful or purposely distracting OP. Your situation is not the same, and it didnt relate to my comment at all. If your situation is so serious that youve considered moving out then obviously it is not sustainable, but that's extreme and not what OP has described at all.

It sounds similar to me.

Anyway, these forums are a discussion. You know, people respond to each other, not just the OP.

Yes I understand how these forums work. But my comment was in relation to OPs situation and personally I dont see how its similar to yours. You sound like youve tried everything, and your DH isnt being receptive to your needs. Youre at the point of wanting to move yourself and your kids out.
OP hasnt clarified if her DH has even tried any of the solutions offered here. She hasn't mentioned having DCs who are also affected, she hasn't stated that shes at the end of her tether and ready to move out. My comment and my advice was strictly to OP and her situation which didnt relate to yours.

It sounds awful. He’s completely taken over your house.

Fair enough. Maybe she's not that far along, but she will probably get there if her DH doesn't find a way to manage it.

I think it’s interesting, hearing other women’s experiences.

But with some family’s with no childcare options one partner working part time really is facilitating the others career. My partner worker from 6 am to 9pm when my children were young. I had to do everything and felt at times like a single mum. He thought of only himself and left for work came back and went to bed. Even when I got a pt job I had to manage all aspects of children’s life and couldn’t expect any support from him. His career progressed whilst mine didn’t! It was absolutely exhausting for both of us not just him.

Tell him.

It's lovely he likes to be near you - but what's the point if he's in calls all the time? You aren't being together.

You have a noise intolerance and he should know, understand, empathise, respect that - but does he actually know? Tell him.

He can't change the job requirements. So he should be going in and doing his job in a place that's set up for it. Tell him.

You have a right to time off, quiet, regrouping. Tell him.

And if nothing works, can you arrange things around the days he's WFH? Medical appointments, hairdresser etc. meeting with friends. Doing the big shop. Going to the gym, a class.

It does help you realise that you're not alone in finding it difficult.

My DH found me crying in the garden one day when he came off a Zoom for one of his many coffees, and I think that was the moment that he clicked that I was at the end of being able to deal with it. (I care for our child who has high medical needs who was having major surgery that week too, so emotions were more fragile than usual).

I believe I was on the cusp of going to see a lawyer. It had certainly entered my head. It's not what I want but I was at the end of my rope and couldn't see a way out. I've been told by outsiders that it's always a problem that, before he will change anything that bothers me, I have to get to the end of my rope first.

He is now back at work having rejected all other suggestions, and everyone is happy again, marriage is great again.

I don't mind if he wants to work from home but he has to put an office in the garden for everyone's sake. If he chooses not to do that, then he chooses to go to work.

The kids have joked that everyone at work is probably getting driven mad instead, but that's not my issue to address.

So where is her escape from a “work” environment on her days off? If he’s doing things to mitigate the noise then fair enough but it sounds like he’s clearly on noisy meeting calls the entire day and not using EarPods. Why should op have to listen to him and his colleagues the entire day in her home. It’s one thing having a partner working away quietly in a separate room and reducing the noise where possible but quite another if he’s sat at the dining table in an open plan house having online meetings the entire day and not using headphones or EarPods.

In the 3rd post the op clearly states 8 hours of full volume Teams calls. I would regard that as shouting. And also completely unacceptable. In the office, in the home, anywhere.

I tell mine that you are working in a home, we are not living in an office, wfh should be banned

Absolutely this. It’s supposed to be a home, not a bloody office

That does not mean that its her DH shouting. It could mean that he doesnt use headphones and its the colleagues on full volume. Simple solution to that is asking him to wear headphones. You're jumping to conclusions. OP also says her DH is lovely, wants to be home to spend more time with her, does try to be quiet. But people want to make him into a bad guy with no proof that OP has even addressed this with him or asked him to make any changes.

If he can choose the days he works from home, he needs to choose days when you are not there.

Time to have a conversation, pointing out that his noise is going to drive you out of the house and into the library, so he won't see any more of you if this continues!

That does not mean that its her DH shouting. It could mean that he doesnt use headphones and its the colleagues on full volume. Simple solution to that is asking him to wear headphones. You're jumping to conclusions. OP also says her DH is lovely, wants to be home to spend more time with her, does try to be quiet. But people want to make him into a bad guy with no proof that OP has even addressed this with him or asked him to make any changes.

Ref your end of tether comments. In the 1st post, the op states It drives me crazy. In the second post the op refers to stress. In the 3rd post the op states really hard for me to stand. It sounds like the op is at the end of her tether to me. The husband has created a horrible home environment for the op and they do need to sort this out as the op is clearly suffering here.

Her posts dont come across to me like shes at the end of her tether. She calls her DH lovely, she wants to spend more time with him. If I was at the end of my tether with my DH I wouldn't speak of him so positively. Youre entitled to take OPs comments how you wish and so am I.

My partner and I WFH on the same days sometimes but never hear each other, separate rooms doors closed and we both use headphones for calls / meetings.

Is his office above the lounge /kitchen where you are spending most of your time?