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Original poster

Found out more about husbands past...

6 replies

Saraahh · 30/05/2025 05:19

Hi all, background info, 5 weeks PP with a newborn. Please read my last post regarding finding out about my husbands past. Just found out more. Turns out he was basically a sex addict and I just got lied to more and more. He also lied to me about the story about his ex. I can't see him the same anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I overreacting? I feel obsessed and was already feeling mentally low. I don't know what to do. Yes I'm aware this is my own fault for going through his phone.

OP posts:
GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 05:31

You're not overreacting. It isn't your fault. when people are keeping secrets, it's reasonable to try and get to the truth.

I'm sorry you're finding out all this stuff. You're feeling off-balance because not only have you just given birth and are now caring for a small infant that depends entirely on you, but you've discovered the man you're with isn't the man you thought you were with.

I'm not sure there's any point in pushing for more. You know who he is now, including that he's a 'partner' who will lie about important stuff and will try to make you feel like you're crazy. This is horrible for you.

Can you leave, or make him go?

Original poster
Saraahh · 30/05/2025 05:58

GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 05:31

You're not overreacting. It isn't your fault. when people are keeping secrets, it's reasonable to try and get to the truth.

I'm sorry you're finding out all this stuff. You're feeling off-balance because not only have you just given birth and are now caring for a small infant that depends entirely on you, but you've discovered the man you're with isn't the man you thought you were with.

I'm not sure there's any point in pushing for more. You know who he is now, including that he's a 'partner' who will lie about important stuff and will try to make you feel like you're crazy. This is horrible for you.

Can you leave, or make him go?

I'm honestly at breaking point. My little one is the only thing keeping me somewhat sane right now. The chances of actually separating are unlikely due to cultural issues and the fact we now share a child together. I genuinely just feel so lost and hopeless and sick to my stomach

OP posts:
GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 08:25

This sounds bleak, @Saraahh. Do you mean you live in a country that doesn't support wives to leave husbands? If you're in the UK, there will be agencies that can help and MNers might have specialised knowledge if you can outline the cultural reasons.

MyCyanReader · 30/05/2025 08:29

Saraahh · 30/05/2025 05:19

Hi all, background info, 5 weeks PP with a newborn. Please read my last post regarding finding out about my husbands past. Just found out more. Turns out he was basically a sex addict and I just got lied to more and more. He also lied to me about the story about his ex. I can't see him the same anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I overreacting? I feel obsessed and was already feeling mentally low. I don't know what to do. Yes I'm aware this is my own fault for going through his phone.

No idea how to see previous posts but why has this all come to light now? Did you not see any hints of a dodgy past whilst you were dating?

Did you specifically ask about his past and he lied? Or did he just not mention it because it's in the past?

He is your husband so you need to talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel.

GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 08:53

This is OP's previous thread, @MyCyanReader: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5230688-5-months-pregnant-and-found-out-my-husband-lied-about-his-past

I've also just seen that she's a UK Muslim and her arse of a husband was refusing to legalise their marriage: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5251727-husband-doesnt-want-to-do-legal-registry

OP, try posting a link to your thread on the Muslim MN board, I'm sure there are specialised advice services for you Flowers

MyCyanReader · 30/05/2025 09:33

GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 08:53

This is OP's previous thread, @MyCyanReader: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5230688-5-months-pregnant-and-found-out-my-husband-lied-about-his-past

I've also just seen that she's a UK Muslim and her arse of a husband was refusing to legalise their marriage: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5251727-husband-doesnt-want-to-do-legal-registry

OP, try posting a link to your thread on the Muslim MN board, I'm sure there are specialised advice services for you Flowers

OMG why do people put up with this awful stuff, let alone considering having a baby with someone like this?!?

@Saraahh take your baby and RUN! Your "husband" (not legal in UK) is a misogynistic prick!

Life is short and precious - don't waste it with someone like this.

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